Jump to content
 

The non-railway and non-modelling social zone. Please ensure forum rules are adhered to in this area too!

The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
 Share

Message added by AY Mod,

Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

Recommended Posts

  • RMweb Premium
5 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

If you look closely, the ferret watches you as you move around the room!

 

 

It's supposed to be an ermine - the lady was mistress to a duke whose symbol was the ermine. That's the ermine handler's hand too, I'm sure. When I saw the painting in the Czartoryski Museum in Krakow thirty years ago, the English version of the label called it "Dame with a Weasel" but I expect their presentation has improved since.

  • Informative/Useful 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

It's supposed to be an ermine

 

Just another Mustelida then.... 

 

I suppose we should be glad that her Duke didn't have a hippo as his symbol!  :jester:

 

  • Like 1
  • Funny 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

  • RMweb Premium
26 minutes ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

Imagine the look on the Duchess's face if it was a skunk.

 

I imagine that might be the look on the Duchess' face if she met Cecilia Gallerani, the weasel-wielding dame, as she was the Duke's mistress. But maybe not - they were much more laid-back about that sort of thing in 15th century Italy, accepting that aristocratic marriages were political. She probably had a string of young bucks to keep her occupied.

  • Informative/Useful 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, Sidecar Racer said:

 

 

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

 Horte. You never stated it had to be an English word.

  • Craftsmanship/clever 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

  • RMweb Gold

Wouldn't the antlers have got in the way?  No, Johnster, stop it now, you don't want that image either...

 

Apropos bucks and sex, there are small African antelopes called dik-diks.  Stop that sniggering at the back, they are called dik-diks, all right?.  Now, the following occurs to me, fortunately perhaps not very often, that, come the mating season, there are dik-diks dat do and dik-diks dat don't.  Some dik-dik does do and some dik-diks does dont, so if you are a dik-dik buck, you are looking for dik-dik does dat does, not dik-dik does dat don't.  If you find a dik-dik doe dat don't, then you need to keep looking, for a dik-dik doe dat do, and if den you get a dik-dik doe dat do to do what dik-dik does does when dey do, den you can have a dik-dik buck f**k with a dik-dik doe dat do.  Nice.

Edited by The Johnster
  • Craftsmanship/clever 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

24 minutes ago, The Johnster said:

Wouldn't the antlers have got in the way?  No, Johnster, stop it now, you don't want that image either...

 

Apropos bucks and sex, there are small African antelopes called dik-diks.  Stop that sniggering at the back, they are called dik-diks, all right?.  Now, the following occurs to me, fortunately perhaps not very often, that, come the mating season, there are dik-diks dat do and dik-diks dat don't.  Some dik-dik does do and some dik-diks does dont, so if you are a dik-dik buck, you are looking for dik-dik does dat does, not dik-dik does dat don't.  If you find a dik-dik doe dat don't, then you need to keep looking, for a dik-dik doe dat do, and if den you get a dik-dik doe dat do to do what dik-dik does does when dey do, den you can have a dik-dik buck f**k with a dik-dik doe dat do.  Nice.

I see the pubs have reopened in Cardiff:jester:

  • Agree 1
  • Round of applause 1
  • Funny 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, The Johnster said:

Wouldn't the antlers have got in the way?  No, Johnster, stop it now, you don't want that image either...

 

Apropos bucks and sex, there are small African antelopes called dik-diks.  Stop that sniggering at the back, they are called dik-diks, all right?.  Now, the following occurs to me, fortunately perhaps not very often, that, come the mating season, there are dik-diks dat do and dik-diks dat don't.  Some dik-dik does do and some dik-diks does dont, so if you are a dik-dik buck, you are looking for dik-dik does dat does, not dik-dik does dat don't.  If you find a dik-dik doe dat don't, then you need to keep looking, for a dik-dik doe dat do, and if den you get a dik-dik doe dat do to do what dik-dik does does when dey do, den you can have a dik-dik buck f**k with a dik-dik doe dat do.  Nice.

 

Excellent!

 

Was it you wot wrote the "Ins and Outs of Cricket"?

  • Like 4
  • Funny 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

Dik-Dik.

 

The missing LNER B1. Probably on purpose, but they had a reputation for silly locomotive names....

 

Choose an un-named, innocent B1 and get the nameplates made...

 

Then try and get it in a magazine article for bonus points. :whistle:

 

  • Like 1
  • Agree 1
  • Funny 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

  • RMweb Premium
5 hours ago, The Johnster said:

Wouldn't the antlers have got in the way?  No, Johnster, stop it now, you don't want that image either...

 

Apropos bucks and sex, there are small African antelopes called dik-diks.  Stop that sniggering at the back, they are called dik-diks, all right?.  Now, the following occurs to me, fortunately perhaps not very often, that, come the mating season, there are dik-diks dat do and dik-diks dat don't.  Some dik-dik does do and some dik-diks does dont, so if you are a dik-dik buck, you are looking for dik-dik does dat does, not dik-dik does dat don't.  If you find a dik-dik doe dat don't, then you need to keep looking, for a dik-dik doe dat do, and if den you get a dik-dik doe dat do to do what dik-dik does does when dey do, den you can have a dik-dik buck f**k with a dik-dik doe dat do.  Nice.

It's Doctor Seuss after several pints.

  • Agree 1
  • Funny 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

  • RMweb Premium
25 minutes ago, Compound2632 said:

 

Well, and there I was trying to raise the tone with more Leonardo da Vinci.

You can raise the tone in the jokes thread with considerably less than Leonardo da Vinci!

  • Like 1
  • Agree 2
  • Funny 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, Reorte said:

It's Doctor Seuss after several pints.

 

Pints of what?  Ether?

 

Quote

There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge.

Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...