The Forum Jokes Thread

[chris p bacon]

 

 

If you Google up the 1974 sex comedy "Flesh Gordon" (an obvious parody of Flash Gordon) and look at photographs of the space ship from that film there is a remarkable similarity between that and Blue Origin.

 

Jim

 

I remember sat in a cinema in Darlington one evening after attending a course at Faverdale hall and there was an advert for 'Flesh Gordon' .  As the advert finished it said "Coming Soon" on the screen at which point some joker at back shouted "so am I" 

[Baby Deltic]

2 hours ago, RJS1977 said:

 

As long as they didn't do what one fire crew did - got the cat down from the tree to a big round of applause from the neighbours, then ran over it with the fire engine as they left..... :-(

I think that was Essex Brigade who did that. It was a driver called Nobby Clarke on my dad’s watch who reversed the appliance over the cat. I seem to remember it being mentioned at his retirement do.

[The Johnster]

3 hours ago, Baby Deltic said:

I seem to remember it being mentioned at his retirement do.

And. I imagine, at every and any possible opportunity between the incident and the retirement do; that's the sort of thing that cannot be lived down!  Johnny Bedell, a top link driver at Canton in my time in 70s, was still taking stick for having dropped the fusible plug on a Brit at Llanharan when he was a fireman, in about 1956...

[MartynJPearson]

4 hours ago, The Johnster said:

And. I imagine, at every and any possible opportunity between the incident and the retirement do; that's the sort of thing that cannot be lived down!  Johnny Bedell, a top link driver at Canton in my time in 70s, was still taking stick for having dropped the fusible plug on a Brit at Llanharan when he was a fireman, in about 1956...

 

Was the Brit it landed on hurt?

[Nick C]

13 hours ago, peanuts said:

Brilliant 

They did, several times - it's immortalised in the edit history of the page! (funnily enough it's now been protected!)

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Craig_David&direction=prev&oldid=1035599444

Edited July 29, 2021 by Nick C

[Porkscratching]

[Baby Deltic]

[Baby Deltic]

[eastworld]

On 25/07/2021 at 09:13, Baby Deltic said:

I use a tap

 

Stu

[Baby Deltic]

[Steamport Southport]

22 hours ago, Baby Deltic said:

Yep! My Dad spent 23 years in the fires service and that's what the y would do. Quick squirt with a hose reel and the cat would be down. If the cat was too high to land safely, the ladders would be deployed. Obviously they didn't blast the cat out of the tree in quite the same way as the cartoon illustrated, but most cats will move if hit with a bit of water spray.

 

Used to know a "fire bobby" as we used to call them.

 

He said they used to love doing the "cat stuck up a tree" or "kid with head stuck in railings" jobs as it got them out of the station and they used to use them as training exercises.

 

[Baby Deltic]

[Baby Deltic]

[Baby Deltic]

[Baby Deltic]

[Baby Deltic]

[rocor]

15 hours ago, Baby Deltic said:

 

I put seven hours and fifteen days into Google, hoping it would return me the Sinead O'Connor video of the song.

 

What I got was: 15.2916667 days

[Hroth]

2 hours ago, Baby Deltic said:

 

G

R

O

A

N

!

 

But very good!

 

[Tim123]

20 hours ago, Baby Deltic said:

“the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across - which happened to be the Earth - where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.”
 

Douglas Adams 

[Baby Deltic]

[jcredfer]

2 hours ago, Baby Deltic said:

 

As a young lad, I was taken to a performance of the Staffs Halle Orchestra, along with a rather sore throat.  Adrian Bolt stopped the concert in mid performance, turned to the audience and addressed a small boy.  "I am delighted to note that there are young persons in the audience, who appreciate the music.  However, perhaps they might confine the coughing to the louder sections of the music."  

 

I also noted that, shortly afterwards, he applied his wit to a young Cellist lady, who had not performed to his satisfaction, with "Young lady, between your legs you have one of God's greatest gifts to humanity...  and all you can do is sit there and scratch it!"

 

At least, I was allowed to remain in my seat, unlike the unfortunate young Cellist.

 

 

[Adam88]

The remark about the lady cellist is usually attributed to Sir Thomas Beecham.  Whether any conductor ever said it must be open to conjecture but it's a good story nevertheless.

[NIK]

Hi,

 

Attributed to Sir Thomas Beecham:

 

Asked if he had ever conducted any Stockhausen, he said, "No, but I once trod in some."

 

Regards

 

Nick

[Baby Deltic]

[CameronL]

21 hours ago, Baby Deltic said:

 

"When you peer in its place and an eel eats your face, that's a moray"

 

 

Old picture and it didn't scan very well, but that is my left hand giving a piece of bread to a moray at Ras Mohammed in the Red Sea. I've still got all my fingers, but when I told a mate at the club  about it because he was going there the following year he decided to try it as well. The moray he tried to feed grabbed his hand and pulled backwards. He found himself with his arm up to the shoulder in the moray's hole. He got free, but had a tooth stuck through his thumbnail, which the boat crew had to pull out with pliers.