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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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27 minutes ago, peanuts said:

Geoff Boycott turns 81 today. It's taken him 897 years to get here

 

I remember listening to Test Match Special on the opening day of a test in the early 80s - probably against the West Indies. It was, I think, Boycott's last series and Gooch's first. England had put on about 12 by lunch, of which Gooch had scored 11. We were on holiday in the Yorkshire Dales; the old farmer came past and seeing that I was listening to the cricket, asked after the score. He was very approving of Boycott's performance.

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1 hour ago, Hroth said:

 

But would God sanction the use of Apple, considering the trouble they had with the damn fruit from the very beginning?

 

 

I seem to remember that the problem wasn't with the Apple itself, but with a similar early failure of a man's attempted access without an acceptable password.....   

 

 

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6 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

It was, I think, Boycott's last series and Gooch's first. England had put on about 12 by lunch, of which Gooch had scored 11.

 

Boycott's last series was the India tour of 1981-2, while Gooch's first test was 1975 against Lillee and Thomson which Boycott was on his self-imposed break from Tests. 

 

In the last couple of years England selectors would have given significant parts of their anatomy for an opener who could be relied on to be not out at lunch.

 

 

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2 hours ago, jwealleans said:

Boycott's last series was the India tour of 1981-2, while Gooch's first test was 1975 against Lillee and Thomson which Boycott was on his self-imposed break from Tests. 

 

Must have been some time in the late 70s then, I suppose. 

 

2 hours ago, jwealleans said:

In the last couple of years England selectors would have given significant parts of their anatomy for an opener who could be relied on to be not out at lunch.

 

Well, yes, but I dare say they'd like to see some runs too!

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The West Indies series was in 1980.  The scorecards can be seen here.

 

I've had an interesting few minutes reading through them.  I thought I remembered that series quite well - West Indies, easily the best side in the world, only won 1-0 (although the weather affected a number of the games).  I remember Brian Rose playing and looking very good - injury prevented him touring and he didn't play again as far as I recall.   I had forgotten both Woolmer and Tavare  playing in the early matches.

 

Statistics never tell the whole story, but those scorecards now show scoring rate and at no point in the series was Boycott the slowest in the top 6.   His rate is comparable to or better than Gooch in many of the games. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, jwealleans said:

His rate is comparable to or better than Gooch in many of the games. 

 

Well, all I can say is that on the opening day of the particular test I remember, the Yorkshire view was that Gooch was taking unnecessary risks - flashy southerner!

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11 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

Boycott's last series and Gooch's first. England had put on about 12 by lunch, of which Gooch had scored 11

 

By the time England got to New Zealand, his team-mates had had enough.

 

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Botham was promoted to No. 4 by vice-captain Bob Willis with the aim of quick runs - and also with a specific order from Willis to "go and run the [Boycott] out". Given the mental state of the tour party, it was a sentiment that probably echoed what they were all feeling.

 

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After 20 minutes the chance came. Botham called for the most improbable of singles, and by the time a bemused Boycott realised what was happening and tried to send his partner back, it was too late and Botham had run past him before he could regain his ground at the non-striker's end.

 

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"He never stood a chance," admitted Botham. "What have you done, what have you done," Boycott muttered as it dawned on him he was out. Botham's response - allegedly, "I've run you out, you ****" - has gone down in folklore. "I couldn't look at him," Botham added. "I cracked up and had to go for a walk around the back of the umpire."

 

https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/rewind-to-1978-botham-to-boycott-i-ve-run-you-out-you-604169

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24 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

Important!

We all know you have to try three times before a USB stick or plug will fit. Here's the reason why.

 

image.png.6c485e670a38c314b47bd850c19d3772.png

 

But what happens with USB entanglement...? You end up with two USB cables twisted together, no matter how far apart you try to make them... ;)

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13 hours ago, Ian J. said:

 

But what happens with USB entanglement...? You end up with two USB cables twisted together, no matter how far apart you try to make them... ;)

 

Don't start bringing string theory into it.....  :crazy:

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1 hour ago, Titan said:

 

I didn't know you were a model!

 

That reminds me of the old joke   --

 

A young lady said she was a model.

 

I've never seen her in an Airfix  kit.

 

            ----------------------

I did say it was an old joke.

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