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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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I talk two languages, English and Bollucks!

Both Maths and Arithmetic's have an 'S' on the end as far as I am concerned. 

Well that is the way I pronounce them.

I went to Denmark in 1974 involved in a project to build a kindergarten playground near Silkebourg.

I met some Danish lads on the train on the way there and they taught me my best ever opening line:-

"jeg elsker dig"

It almost worked once.

 

 

Quote

 

'en øl'

worked better

Edited by andytrains
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1 hour ago, andytrains said:

I talk two languages, English and Bollucks!

Both Maths and Arithmetic's have an 'S' on the end as far as I am concerned. 

Well that is the way I pronounce them.

I went to Denmark in 1974 involved in a project to build a kindergarten playground near Silkebourg.

I met some Danish lads on the train on the way there and they taught me my best ever opening line:-

"jeg elsker dig"

It almost worked once.

 

 

'en øl'

worked better

I live in Silkeborg. i used that line 33 years ago, and we are still married 

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33 minutes ago, Vistisen said:

I live in Silkeborg. i used that line 33 years ago, and we are still married 

 

I can only wonder if your profile indicates that you might have...  well, sort of cheated, by knowing a little more of the language than andytrains...   or perhaps not...   ?

 

Either way, congratulations on a winning opening line.   🍾

 

 

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16 hours ago, Vistisen said:

I'm not so sure. I remember doing mathematics at school not mathmatic. But I did do arithmetic,  and not arithamatics. So I'm  not sure what the abreviated version  should be. I might will not be remembering the language correctly, after all English has been only my second language for over 30 years and I am dyslexic. But I am a bilingual dyslexic

 

Ah, but Septics* call it Math. Watch American TV.

 

 

 

*Septic Tanks = Yanks

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Point of order, m'lud.

 

'American Football' is so named because it inherits its name from 'Rugby Football', not from 'Association Football'. To be fair though, 'American Football' could probably be better named 'American Rugby'. However, the name is now so ingrained, it's not going to be changed. A bit like the 'touchdown', which hasn't been a touch down since the late 19th century.

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32 minutes ago, Ian J. said:

Point of order, m'lud.

 

'American Football' is so named because it inherits its name from 'Rugby Football', not from 'Association Football'. To be fair though, 'American Football' could probably be better named 'American Rugby'. However, the name is now so ingrained, it's not going to be changed. A bit like the 'touchdown', which hasn't been a touch down since the late 19th century.

Who cares, it's one of the worlds most boring sports!

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8 hours ago, Ian J. said:

Point of order, m'lud.

 

'American Football' is so named because it inherits its name from 'Rugby Football', not from 'Association Football'. To be fair though, 'American Football' could probably be better named 'American Rugby'. However, the name is now so ingrained, it's not going to be changed. A bit like the 'touchdown', which hasn't been a touch down since the late 19th century.

 

American Football, a.k.a. human chess with added violence and frequent gaps in play, often (it seems) for no better reason than to suit the timing of TV commercials.

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5 minutes ago, Dunsignalling said:

 

American Football, a.k.a. human chess with added violence and frequent gaps in play, often (it seems) for no better reason than to suit the timing of TV commercials.

 

It's like all American commercial sports.

 

Adopt, Mangle, Format for "Sponsorship".

 

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43 minutes ago, Dunsignalling said:

 

American Football, a.k.a. human chess with added violence and frequent gaps in play, often (it seems) for no better reason than to suit the timing of TV commercials.

Indeed. The first time I went to a game of American football when I lived in the States I was puzzled about why the players were very often wandering about the field aimlessly. It was explained to me that they needed to halt play for the TV commercials. The game would take about three hours for one hour of action and the Americans complain about cricket!

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2 hours ago, LimboBrit said:

Indeed. The first time I went to a game of American football when I lived in the States I was puzzled about why the players were very often wandering about the field aimlessly. It was explained to me that they needed to halt play for the TV commercials. The game would take about three hours for one hour of action and the Americans complain about cricket!


A Seattle TV station used to replay a whole college football game in an hour, including some after-game discussion. They would only show the action for each play from the snap to when the ball was blown ‘dead’.

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3 hours ago, Dunsignalling said:

 

American Football, a.k.a. human chess with added violence and frequent gaps in play, often (it seems) for no better reason than to suit the timing of TV commercials.

Years ago I remember a programme with Robbie Coltrane driving around the USA. He was taken to an American Football game in one episode, and upon leaving he commented "it's a bit like rugby with all the excitement removed."

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3 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

It's like all American commercial sports.

 

Adopt, Mangle, Format for "Sponsorship".

 

Didn't the US in the 80s invent their own additions to football rules? It involved extra points for goals scored IIRC, until eventually FIFA banned their variations.

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A lot of misnomers about Gridiron. They stop the clock as the clock is constantly counting down. The referee/umpire doesn't stop the clock when the ball is out of play like in football. If you don't then you run out of time.

 

Absolutely nothing to do with adverts as it happens in games that aren't even televised.

 

Rugby Union? Now that is a boring sport.

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