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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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3 hours ago, exmoordave said:

Little known facts -Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool FC fan and hated aftershave.  Yul never wore cologne......

I've repeated that one a few times at work today. It's not gone down well! :D

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1 hour ago, J. S. Bach said:

Well, it means nothing to me either. And, yes, I do know who Yul Brynner was.

 

 

 

Oh Vienna...

 

And other supporters sing "You'll never walk again"...

 

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On 29/06/2023 at 02:48, Compound2632 said:

 

Why do computer scientists have trouble distinguishing Halloween and Christmas Day?

 

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

 

On 29/06/2023 at 03:15, Reorte said:

I think that one qualifies for the nerdiest joke I know!

 

The second-most one is:

 

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't."

 

You can get a lot more nerdier with this joke! It works because OCTober means Eighth month and DECemeber means Tenth month which leads to lots (and lots) of nerdy stuff about the changes in the calendar with March once being the first month of the year.

 

Just be glad for this thread that Caesar Augustus wanted a month named after him so there is no month called Sexember!

 

Rob

 

 

 

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18 minutes ago, 30851 said:

You can get a lot more nerdier with this joke! It works because OCTober means Eighth month and DECemeber means Tenth month which leads to lots (and lots) of nerdy stuff about the changes in the calendar with March once being the first month of the year.

Just be glad for this thread that Caesar Augustus wanted a month named after him so there is no month called Sexember!

 

Rob

Or Sextember.

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8 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

The metric system is simple, it is the conversion from "feet" to "meters" that is complicated.

But you're missing the point, you don't need to convert from feet to metres. You stick to the metric system, until you want to do a basic conversion, for something that your not sure whether is big or small, for instance.

 

If you want to measure 1.2 metres with a tape/ruler, then you just do it and double check before you do something like cut it. There is no need to work out an exact conversion, each time. For most uses 1.2 metres is about 4ft. (It's actually 3ft 11 3/16 inches or 3.94ft). Honestly, do you really need to know that, most of the time?

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1 hour ago, J. S. Bach said:

The metric system is simple, it is the conversion from "feet" to "meters" that is complicated.

 

Only in the US, where you have the additional complication that the SI unit is mis-spelt.

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1 hour ago, J. S. Bach said:

The metric system is simple, it is the conversion from "feet" to "meters" that is complicated.

 

 

Jules:   Do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?

 

Brett:  No.

 

Jules:  Tell him, Vincent.

 

Vincent:  Royale with cheese.

 

Jules:  Royale with cheese. Do you know why they call it a Royale with cheese?

 

Brett:  Because of the metric system?

 

Jules:   Check out the big brain on Brett. You one smart (deleted)

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1 hour ago, kevinlms said:

But you're missing the point, you don't need to convert from feet to metres. You stick to the metric system, until you want to do a basic conversion, for something that your not sure whether is big or small, for instance.

 

If you want to measure 1.2 metres with a tape/ruler, then you just do it and double check before you do something like cut it. There is no need to work out an exact conversion, each time. For most uses 1.2 metres is about 4ft. (It's actually 3ft 11 3/16 inches or 3.94ft). Honestly, do you really need to know that, most of the time?

I thought the conversion was 4mm:1 foot, but some people seem to think differently!

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