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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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3 hours ago, The Pilotman said:

This one should be popular with some of the more particular members of this forum….

 

"particular"?

Is that a coded reference to the Elucidated Bethren?

 

The wonderful thing about the particulars in this forum...

 

Quote

In metaphysics, particulars or individuals are usually contrasted with universals. Universals concern features that can be exemplified by various different particulars. Particulars are often seen as concrete, spatiotemporal entities as opposed to abstract entities, such as properties or numbers. There are, however, theories of abstract particulars or tropes. For example, Socrates is a particular (there's only one Socrates-the-teacher-of-Plato and one cannot make copies of him, e.g., by cloning him, without introducing new, distinct particulars).

 

... is that they consistently behave the same, by refusing to be the same as everyone else. 

 

You might call them oxymorons, I couldn't possbly comment.

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4 hours ago, J. S. Bach said:

I am not sure, but can someone translate the above-quoted paragraph into English? Either the Queen's King's or the US version will do.


I think (a universal, thought not being formed of physical matter and unaffected by entropy), therefore I am*(a particular, hence lumpy, and very entropic), at least I think I am, and so is/was Socrates (unless you clone him, in which case so are/were Socrateses, at least he/they thinks/think he/they is/are/was/were…).  

 

I think. 

 

*Shroedinger’s state of being; can be considered to be universal/abstract (the thought) and particular/corpereal (the thinker) simultaneously!

 

See how the use of plain language makes it all so much less confusing!

 


 

 

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Grandma and Grandad went to visit their son, his wife and children for a long weekend. On the first morning Grandad had a shave and nicked himself with the razor, so he looked in the bathroom cabinet to see if there was anything to stop the bleeding. 

 

He found a packet of Viagra. Later that day he caught his son in a quiet moment and asked about it. 

 

"Well, everybody needs a bit of help sometimes," his son replied. 

 

"Can I try one?" Grandad asked. 

 

"I'm not sure you should," his son replied. "I don't know if your body could take it, and anyway they're expensive. £6 a tablet!"

 

"I'll take the risk," Grandad said. " and I'll leave £6 under my pillow when we leave."

 

So, the family enjoyed their weekend together, and when Grandma and Grandad had returned home the son looked under the pillow for the money.

 

He found not £6 but £66. He immediately called Grandad.

 

"it was only £6," he said. "Why did you leave £66?"

 

"I didn't," Grandad replied. "£6, was from me. £60 was from Grandma." 

 

 

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2 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

We are talking about Star Trek, the science is as wobbly as the scenery...

 

Maybe, but it's the animated versions of the show that are being dropped by the online services.

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1 hour ago, J. S. Bach said:

I want one!!!! If only it were real.

 

You're a modeller; make one!  Tamiya kit and a couple leds inside some crumpled up clear wrapping paper, not hard...  Few servos and you could make a slo-mo action version. 

 

Reminds me a bit about the residents of occupied northern France in 1940, who would walk up to German soldiers and mime warming their hands on them (British beaches were allegedly defended by oil pipelines in the wading zone that would have been set alight had landings been attempted, and BBC World Service had informed them of this for propaganda purposes, successfully).

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14 minutes ago, MrTea said:

IMG_3335.jpeg.490dafdba03b7e3343b2a843716a9f36.jpeg

I friend of mine told me about a train driver that did hit a cow and he was asked several times for more information on the cow. He ended up giving a similar answer and that was the end of the correspondence.

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On 16/07/2023 at 03:43, aardvark said:

I used to be young and poor, but after years of hard work, I’m no longer young.

 


I started out with nothing, and I’ve still got most of it left…

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