The Forum Jokes Thread

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[Hroth]

1 hour ago, PhilJ W said:

 

Its the Crack of Doom!

 

[Obi-Jiff Kenobi]

Isn’t that where Frodo had to throw the One Ring?

[Hroth]

6 minutes ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

Isn’t that where Frodo had to throw the One Ring?

There's probably one down there, I think Gollum fell in.....

 

[Steamport Southport]

Is that Trent A-A?

 

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/sport/football/trent-alexander-arnold-wardrobe-malfunction-31615314

[Thorness]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[J. S. Bach]

"HERMAN" was always the best cartoon in the paper!

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[KeithMacdonald]

A Lady enquires about three parrots that are for sale at the local pet shop.

First parrot is £175.

Second parrot is £150.

Third parrot is only £10.

Lady asks why the third parrot is so cheap and the pet shop owner says that the third parrot used to live in a brothel and is a little foul mouthed. Lady thinks that would be amusing and takes it home.

As soon as the parrot enters their new home it squawks "f*****g hell a new brothel!".

 

Which the woman finds funny and laughs. Then the lady's two daughters came home.

At this the parrot squawks again "f*****g hell two new prossies to work in the brothel!".

 

The lady and the daughters find this hilarious until the lady's husband comes home and the parrot squawks:

"f*****g hell Keith, long time no see!"

[BR60103]

3 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

One of our friend's husband had a roomful of deer heads. One Christmas, he hung name plates around their necks.  The nieces and nephews refused to go in there again.

 

[BR60103]

12 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

 

Wile E. Coyote v. Acme Company, by Ian Frazier | The New Yorker

see story here

[Steamport Southport]

2 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

A Lady enquires about three parrots that are for sale at the local pet shop.

First parrot is £175.

Second parrot is £150.

Third parrot is only £10.

Lady asks why the third parrot is so cheap and the pet shop owner says that the third parrot used to live in a brothel and is a little foul mouthed. Lady thinks that would be amusing and takes it home.

As soon as the parrot enters their new home it squawks "f*****g hell a new brothel!".

 

Which the woman finds funny and laughs. Then the lady's two daughters came home.

At this the parrot squawks again "f*****g hell two new prossies to work in the brothel!".

 

The lady and the daughters find this hilarious until the lady's husband comes home and the parrot squawks:

"f*****g hell Keith, long time no see!"

 

I see Barry Cryer's parrot jokes are still going strong!

 

More of his parrot jokes....

 

 

A man owns a parrot that can't stop swearing. So he says to him, 'If you don't stop swearing, I'll put you in the fridge.' The parrot keeps on swearing. So he puts it in the fridge. Five minutes later, he takes the parrot out of the fridge, and says to it, 'Are you going to stop swearing?' 'Yes,' says the parrot. 'But what did that chicken do?

 

 

 

 

A man goes into a pub and says to the landlord: 'If you give me free drinks all night, I will entertain your customers so much they will stay all night and buy lots and lots of drinks.'

 

'Oh yes,' says the landlord. 'How are you going to do that?'

 

The man gets a hamster out of his pocket and puts it on the piano. The hamster runs up and down the keyboard playing the greatest piano music anyone had ever heard. 'That's incredible!' says the landlord. 'Have you got anything else?'

 

The man gets a parrot out of his other pocket and puts it on the bar. The hamster begins to play the piano again and the parrot sings along - sounding just like Pavarotti. Everyone in the bar is amazed and they stay all night drinking and listening to the hamster and parrot.

 

The landlord is delighted. 'I must have these animals. Will you sell them to me?' he asks. The man shakes his head: no.

 

'Will you sell just one then?' asks the bartender. 'OK, I'll sell you the parrot for £100,' the man says. The landlord is delighted and hands over the money. Another man standing next to the man who owned the hamster says: 'You're a bit stupid selling that clever parrot for only £100.' 'No I'm not,' the man replies. 'The hamster is a ventriloquist'.

 

 

 

[Vistisen]

On 07/12/2023 at 02:32, kevinlms said:

Conveniently ignoring the fact that PSTN lines were never guaranteed to be 100% reliable either. The exchange may have had batteries (how good were BT at maintaining batteries in latter years?), but the street cabling had 1000s of guys keeping them working.

Not to mention the risk of cables being dug up. 

[kevinlms]

11 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

Must be an Australian, because that looks more like a Roo that is unfortunate enough to be down wind!

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]