RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted November 13, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 13, 2014 This may have been posted before >> http://www.tickld.com/x/actual-exchanges-between-pilots-and-control-towers 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catweasel Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 Priceless! Missus was cracked up. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted November 13, 2014 Share Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) so i took of her shirt and she said "take of my skirt " so i took off her skirt then she said "take of my heels " so i took off her heels then she said" take off my stockings and panties " so i took off her stockings and panties . then she said "dont let me catch you wearing my clothes again"! Edited November 13, 2014 by peanuts Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium BR60103 Posted November 14, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 14, 2014 Comic strip from last week. Please read the readers' comments - they improve on the original. http://www.gocomics.com/getfuzzy/2014/11/08 My wife now uses the phrase "Tootsie Roll Emporium". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
69843 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 This may have been posted before >> http://www.tickld.com/x/actual-exchanges-between-pilots-and-control-towers Where's the absolutely brilliant button?! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 I see panto season is with us again and the amateur dramatics section of my local naturist club are auditioning for a Christmas carol....... I went for the part of Tiny Tim but missed it by an inch! Christmas Carol - I know her! She's a fun girl after a couple of glasses of punch. Please send her my apologies but the handcuffs were chafing somewhat... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) So there's to be another re recording of Band Aid, I can still remember the images,, the gaunt face, the haunted look, the deep set eyes and the flies around the mouth, but enough of Bob Geldof.. Are we now too politically correct to resurrect his tagline? Edited November 14, 2014 by EHertsGER Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) Comic strip from last week. Please read the readers' comments - they improve on the original. http://www.gocomics.com/getfuzzy/2014/11/08 My wife now uses the phrase "Tootsie Roll Emporium". We must recall such euphemisms as 'The Thunderbox' (especially after the awful Mel Gibson movie 'Beyond the Thunderbox'), 'Throne Room' - or, from 'skool' - topos....and so on...or am I ageing badly? Edited November 14, 2014 by EHertsGER Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve K Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Who said the grave of Marx was another communist plot...?? I seem to recall it was Paul Daniels, on his quiz "Wipeout". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Welchester Posted November 14, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 14, 2014 This may have been posted before >> http://www.tickld.com/x/actual-exchanges-between-pilots-and-control-towers There's a story about Douglas Bader presenting prizes at Roedean, and enthralling the girls with his account of shooting down Fokkers. The headmistress interrupted, "Remember, girls, Fokker is a German aircraft manufacturer." "Yes," replied Bader, "But these fokkers were Messerschmitts." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi... where did I go wrong?" "Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian." "What did you do?" asked the lawyer. "I turned to God for the answer," replied the rabbi. "And what did he say?" He said, "Funny you should come to me..." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted November 15, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 15, 2014 A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon, from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week."Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve K Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 There's a story about Douglas Bader presenting prizes at Roedean, and enthralling the girls with his account of shooting down Fokkers. The headmistress interrupted, "Remember, girls, Fokker is a German aircraft manufacturer." "Yes," replied Bader, "But these fokkers were Messerschmitts." I'm sure that was Stan Boardman... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&WR Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 I'm sure that was Stan Boardman... I didn't know he flew during the Battle of Britain... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 There's a story about Douglas Bader presenting prizes at Roedean, and enthralling the girls with his account of shooting down Fokkers... I think that the first time I heard that was in Les Cousin's Folk and Blues Club in Greek Street, Soho, back in the sixties; of course, Boardman brought it to a wider public. I'm surprised to see a man of the cloth telling it, though. You've been spending too much time with actresses, Bish. The story probably goes back a long way, quite probably to World War I - I can't remember Bader being brought into it before, though. Not that I'm saying he was averse to a dirty joke; there are plenty of expletives deleted in Paul Brickhill's "Reach for the Sky", but Brickhill also points out that he would do anything for children and was almost unfailingly courteous to women. I say "almost unfailingly" because there was an occasion when he was trapped in the street by a strange woman who gushed over him with goodwill and bad taste. He stuck it out until she twittered: "Now tell me, in all the wonderful things you do without legs, what do you find the most difficult?" Bluntly he answered: "Drying my bottom after a bath when I have to sit on a stool at the same time," and walked off. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted November 19, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 19, 2014 That joke was aired in the 1950's, in the Billy Cotton Band Show. Billy Cotton himself was a pilot during WW1. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffers Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 (edited) Met Sir Douglas Bader several times during the early years of my meteorological career in the mid-70s. Was always very courteous to me - a mere youth looking up at a hero of WW2 and the subject of a book and film "Reach for the Sky". The married quarters at the now retired RAF base at Coltishall (I was the duty metman when we closed down in April 2006 and saw the last jet out) is now called Badersfield even though Bader was there only a few weeks. Edited November 20, 2014 by geoffers Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 How to cook a turkeyStep 1.Buy a turkeyStep 2.Have a glass of wineStep 3.Stuff the turkeyStep 4.Have a glass of wineStep 5.Put turkey in the ovenStep 6.Relax and have a glass of wineStep 7.Turk the basteyStep 8. Wine of glass another getStep 9.Hunt for meat thermometerStep 10.Glass yourself another pour of wineStep 11.Bake the wine for 4 hoursStep 12.Take the oven out of the turkeyStep 13. Tet the sableStep 14. Grab another wottle of bineStep 15. Turk the carvey! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Christmas Carol - I know her! She's a fun girl after a couple of glasses of punch. Please send her my apologies but the handcuffs were chafing somewhat... I always find Christmas comes quickly. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 20, 2014 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 20, 2014 but only once per year! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 This one's a real oldie, but perhaps the odd bod hasn't heard it - Santa struggles down the chimney, steps on to the hearthrug and is surprised to see the (rather comely) lady of the house, curled up on the sofa wearing nothing but a near-transparent négligé and a smile. “Hello, Santa,” she purred, “Come and have a drink with me. I'm all alone, the children are fast asleep and my husband's been called out on an emergency.” Blushing, Santa declines, saying he hasn't got time. “Surely you won't leave me on my own?” she said slipping off the flimsy garment, putting her arms round his neck and pressing her breasts against him. “Oh, all right, I'll stay then,” he said. "I'm never going to get up that chimney in this state, anyway!” Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted November 21, 2014 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 21, 2014 I hadn't heard it. ...... and who are you calling odd? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted November 21, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 21, 2014 If the cap fits.......! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I hadn't heard it. ...... and who are you calling odd? Just checked with the OED: odd bod n. [shortened < odd body n.: compare bod n.] colloq. a person who is odd, strange, or eccentric.BoD, I'm sure that you're no odder, stranger or more eccentric than most of us. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted November 21, 2014 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 21, 2014 Hey. I'm in the OED Would you like my autograph? 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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