Tim Dubya

She must have had quite a few breakdowns.

Nah. She knows her trunions.

Uttoxeter.

In Knicker-Knacker-Knockerdale

Both on the same people at Menwith Hill.

Go go Milly Tant.

Up the workers! (right up 'em, in fact!)

I once had an Allegro but the wheel fell off - True Story!

Mine had several attempts at killing me, it also had a tendency to ping off the nut at the end of the drive shaft...

Bought for £80 sold two years later for £50 - still hang my head in shame about that...

my 'arris... saw 'em coming.

No, learned my lesson... until next time

Alcohol-induced amnesia. Bad thing.

Flat Coke. For the sugar and hydration

Horrocksford.

She's still driving a crap car then. I told her to buy a Renault.

Milford Haven.

In all fairness I could only comment on Holland & Barrett porkless pies...

Oo-er. The effect of the Horlicks must not have worn off yet. The More I look at the top of that Porkless Pie, the more I see the face of a bl**dy great lion licking its lips and staring back at me.

bloody hell, you right there. Who'd have thought - a vegan lion!

Dynamic Balance, man...

Passive Instability, pet...

tru dat

In the pantry and not in the cupboard of beverage delights...

I bought coffee once and left it in the bike pannier outside my local. Came out an hour later & the coffee was gone. Nothing else. I resigned myself to the thought that they needed it more than I did.

Wandsworth

one for the road...

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

Good ol Les...

I saw it in The Daily Mail so it must be true

Or as we say in Radstock:

I'm not a pheasant plucker

I'm a pheasant plucker's mate

I'm only plucking pheasants

'cos the pheasant plucker's late.

Now repeat as fast as you can.

Repeeeeeeeet

Repeeeeeeeet

Repeeeeeeeet

Repeeeeeeeet

Repeeeeeeeet

Dry throat ...... More cider please

I'm still waiting for the call. Don't worry, once I'm appointed (and we win the next election). Cider will be available FoC for dry (and sore) throats.

It was one of those things that reading it you knew nothing good could come of it but it was compelling. I should say like watching a slow-motion car crash or a dog returning to its own vomit.

Yes, that's what I'll miss... particularly the dog bit

I must say I'm sad I missed it.....

Mikkel, doesn't their ambassador have anything to say about this practice?

They seem to be more than content! Anyway Tim D, I was only joking about the Carlsberg. That stuff is only fit for Swedes, not swedes.

Ask Wurzel Gummage !

There is a system that I have used but now I simply but the nearly dry sheet back on the mattress and iron it in place, let it air and then make the bed.

Iron, what is this device you speak of?

Fitted sheets, the work of the devil ...

Mary had a little lamb, she also had a duck.....

2112

Cheers, that saved a lot of headpain!

you are a one (won?)

Wun

you did

Every day I look at the world from my window

But chilly, chilly is the evening time

Waterloo sunset's fine

I'm in two minds about this...

Sounds like it's all gone Milford Haven, old chap.

Informative/Useful

Doctors: a soap opera for pond dwellers who don’t have any gossip of their own.

You rang...

My eyesight has got so bad that I initially read the post as "Has anybody seen my career?"

that's not too far off the truth today

I think I'll ring the bell and get off before you show me your atom bomb.

Not from your usual supplier?

NOT FROM YOUR USUAL SUPPLIER??!!

WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP AND WATER!!!!

I am sorry, I made a mistake, which I hope I'll never repeat again... ever.

Mr Titfield will be alright this month, I can't let the old boy starve can I.   I've got three in the basket already and there are definitely more books to add.

I am sorry.

Well then, let that be a lesson to you, young man.

Hope she left everyting back in the right place.

she did rip something out...

no, I kept the b@stard - it's going under the pillow tonight for a hefty return...

No, but Jezzer's singing lessons appeal goes out next week, please give generously.

I'll send some of my used Y-fronts to start the ball rolling !

Thank you, Sir

You bet:

https://portsong.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/image.jpg

You might have a ceiling but not gravity by the looks of things.

Bear down...

Ricky Tomlinson

Not stating the obvious.

Ricky doesn't do brexit, he much prefers an Eartha...

Probably a village inbred;))

bgman - we all are & we loves it 'cos we nos no difrent

No prize as that sort of thing needs to be stamped out.

I hope the exchange rate was favourable and the dog liked its net.

The dug loves its walks with Anette.

YAY!