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ian

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Status Updates posted by ian

  1. ian

    ian

    Only six months to Christmas - get the sprouts on!

    1. The Stationmaster

      The Stationmaster

      Trains to Brussels are cancelled today.

    2. Kylestrome

      Kylestrome

      If I get started now, I might just be able to get the christmas tree lights untangled in time.

  2. ian

    ian

    Things you never thought you would hear: "We've got a holiday home in Rugeley."

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Mallard60022

      Mallard60022

      Rugeley eh? Never knowingly been there. 

      However I have been to Skeggy....now that really is ####

    3. Philou

      Philou

      I have been there - for a tour of the Wedgwood factory in the late 70s. From an engineering point of view, the manufacturing of porcelain loos was quite fascinating. Rugeley itself .......................... ?

    4. 08221

      08221

      Lived in both Rugeley and Bletchley, loved them both for different reasons. Now happily ensconced in sunny Uttoxeter!

  3. ian

    ian

    Your date of birth (Please use the same date of birth you used when taking out your policy or booking)

    Really?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Tim V

      Tim V

      Password

    3. Hroth

      Hroth

      I'm as old as my tongue, and a little older than my teeth....

       

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Actual birthday or Official Birthday?

  4. ian

    ian

    Frantically waiting for the arrival of some casualness.

  5. ian

    ian

    Why don't wheelie bins have headlights?

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Mallard60022

      Mallard60022

      I don't know. Why don't wheelie bins have head lights?

    3. Hroth

      Hroth

      You could alswys get a cheap cycle lamp from the pound shop.

       

      Wolla!!! Headlights!

    4. Shedmaster

      Shedmaster

      Does it wheelie matter?

  6. ian

    ian

    If the delivered article does not meet your imagination we ask for a non-bureaucratic phone call.

  7. ian

    ian

    Dog tag supplier: "If we make a mistake we'll gladly replace your tag at no charge!". Well, wow! What a kind offer.

    1. sharris

      sharris

      cheaper for them than replacing the dog at no charge.

    2. Tim V

      Tim V

      Name, rank and serial number.

  8. ian

    ian

    Looking at a hotel and amongst the facilities it offers are: • Free toiletries • Toilet • Private bathroom • Bathtub or shower • Toilet paper

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. PhilEakins

      PhilEakins

      French widows in every room ...

    3. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Well, some may enjoy that, Phil... xD

    4. Tim Hall

      Tim Hall

      Doesn't mention walls, floor or ceiling....hmm...beware!

  9. ian

    ian

    Looking at a hotel and amongst the facilities it offers are:

  10. ian

    ian

    There are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.

    1. skipepsi

      skipepsi

      I can't think of anything more disastrous Bojo could do... famous last words.

    2. Dave47549

      Dave47549

      Bullingdon club motto ?

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      It may not be the beginning of the end, or indeed the end of the beginning. But whether it is the end of the beginning, or the beginning of the end, Ulster sez No.

  11. ian

    ian

    What is indifference? I don't know and I don't care.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Hroth

      Hroth

      In the long run....

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      ....we're all dead.

    4. dvdlcs

      dvdlcs

      Ignorant and ambivalent.

  12. ian

    ian

    I wonder if I've got enough wood stashed to build an ark?

    1. tractionman

      tractionman

      Looking pretty bad in Brum

       

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-44275045

    2. 25901

      25901

      Liverpool are selling some wooden shelves from their trophy room

    3. Hroth

      Hroth

      That'll be going for a pyre for Stupid Goalies...

  13. ian

    ian

    It is now 4pm. Advert at top of Youtube is urging me to watch 'The Royal Wedding - Live'. Have Harry and Meghan signed up for some sort of on-going reality TV deal?

    1. sharris

      sharris

      Will they be televising the wedding night too?

  14. ian

    ian

    Attractions include free entry into the coffee shop and gift shop.

    1. Metr0Land

      Metr0Land

      Wot no interactive audio/visual display? The millenials won't come if that's all you have to offer.

    2. Hroth

      Hroth

      Got to have a childrens play area too....

    3. Andy Y

      Andy Y

      Free entry if you come on a bicycle.

  15. ian

    ian

    Why is it fur when it is on the pet but hair when it is on the floor?

    1. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Probably the same reason why it’s a pig before the slaughter‘s and pork afterwards.

  16. ian

    ian

    Where did all those sheep come from?

    1. Hroth

      Hroth

      Well, there was a yummy mummy sheep and a frisky daddy sheep.....

    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      They've been taking notes from the rabbits.

  17. ian

    ian

    Dandelions need to be reclassified as a garden flower. It might stop the things growing!

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Platform 1

      Platform 1

      One year's seeds, seven years weeds!

    3. Hroth

      Hroth

      Which is the reason why "gardening" is so pointless.....

    4. thaddeus

      thaddeus

      buy a rabbit, they love them

  18. ian

    ian

    How can a pair of women's trousers be labelled as both Size 20 AND skinny?

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. LBRJ

      LBRJ

      skinny fit on the legs

    3. chris p bacon

      chris p bacon

      I'm guessing they don't look good on you.....that's the trouble with impulse purchases

    4. mike morley

      mike morley

      Intended for the self-deluders, obviously

  19. ian

    ian

    How can a pair of womwn's trousers be labelled as both Size 20 AND skinny?

    1. locoholic

      locoholic

      Big bones?

  20. ian

    ian

    The wife said she wanted to travel facing the engine. I told her that she wouldn't be comfortable face down on the floor...

    1. Hroth

      Hroth

      Just be glad it wasnt a kettle - sitting on the buffer beam wouldn't be comfortable either!

    2. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Living on the edge, aren’t we, Ian? :-D

  21. ian

    ian

    Today's batch of scam emails are in German. Roll on Brexit!

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Mad McCann

      Mad McCann

      Seems to be little other sort these days..,

    3. Mad McCann

      Mad McCann

      Seems to be little other sort these days..,

    4. Mad McCann

      Mad McCann

      Seems to be little other sort these days..,

  22. ian

    ian

    "Same Product NEW LABEL" Another marketing triumph.

    1. vaughan45

      vaughan45

      Parkside kits?

    2. ian

      ian

      Woodland Scenics Realistic Water.

  23. ian

    ian

    Snowflakes are not so much falling as exhibiting Brownian motion.

    1. Platform 1

      Platform 1

      Just like a hot cup of tea...

    2. PhilEakins

      PhilEakins

      Engage Improbability Drive number one ...

  24. ian

    ian

    British Gas - We're not happy until you aren't.

    1. Metr0Land

      Metr0Land

      No mains gas in most of West Wales - thankfully

    2. Huw Griffiths

      Huw Griffiths

      It gets me how their TV adverts show a CG penguin - in a thick coat and a scarf.

       

      If their heating makes him feel right at home, I wonder how it could possibly suit me.

    3. Hroth

      Hroth

      They phoned this morning. "This is British Gas, press any key". So I did. The hang up key...

  25. ian

    ian

    SWMBO forgot it was Valetnine's day. Should I (a) have a sulk and bring it up in conversations with friends for years to come or (b) never speak of it again?

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. loickebros

      loickebros

      keep it in the bank for the year you forget!

    3. adb968008

      adb968008

      As for a “pass” for a hobby day out,

    4. Kylestrome

      Kylestrome

      Get your own back by 'forgetting' your wedding anniversary? Maybe not ...

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