Winslow Boy

Do they need to be taken out of the packaging prior to bring launched or does it come off mid-flight thereby providing a better splatt.

The way to remove ice in ponds is to pour boiling water on it. If you break it, it causes trauma to fish and amphibians. You can leave a ball floating on the surface to deter ice from forming. Any pond with fish ideally needs to be at least 18 - 24" deep. Ice only causes problems if it remains for a long time.

Well to use that well known phrase 'Houston I think we have a problem'. Well when I say 'we' I'm not referring to those good Norther folk who are used to such trivals but rather those soft southeners - BBC types particularly, who go to pieces when confronted by more than several flakes of the white stuff, no not milk. Followers of this esteemed column will no doubt recall my previous posting about the snow sticking. Well I have to report that it is still sticking, abet in much smaller quantity. So dear readers prepare for reports of traffic becoming bogged down, flights- what there are- being grounded and other similar reports of the end of civilization as we know. We northern types will just get on with it as normal, leaving the panicing to the soft southeners. Have a nice day.

Nothing quite like a determined Customs official armed with a big pair of loppers. Wonder who paid for the replacement locks. Be interesting to read the expenses claim.

Hmm Big H I'd start to worry if they begin to circle then it might be time to wheel out the ground to air anti-flying-pig or AFP's for short, missiles. Good luck.

We have sticky snow here in the upper West Highlands of Manchester. For those of you not familiar, I exclude IL Dottori here, it is snow that sticks. We have had several inches or millimetres for those under 50, of the stuff overnight and what's more it is still falling. One wonders whether the latest missives from on high will be followed as we are now in Tier 4 and all supposed to stay home. Snowballs anyone?

I have a far simpler solution to the problem of sorting out the ,genuinely poorly from the 'I know best & deniers brigade'. Any infected person requiring treatment has to fill in a thirty two page questionnaire detailing who they have been mixing with, where they have been, how to lift weights, ethenicity and diverisity etc and finally produce their passport. Anybody who is over 90 will be exempt. If it turns out they have left a tier four area to go on holiday they will be charged the cost of treatment. Anybody who refuses or can't pay will be forced to work for free- preferably looking after patients. Any politicians will of course be denied treatment.

If I remember my history correctly, New York started life as New Amsterdam as it was a dutch trading post. I may be wrong, which is known, but I think the change occurred prior to the orange one taking office, so say early 1600's.

Easily found as they're just past the Eccles Cake quarries.

I thought that was a hammer as before you wedge it you hammer it. Simplz's really.

You've gone and done it now. He will be despatching his minions to scour the Penines in search of them now. Come to think of it that might not be a bad idea as it'll leave the Strategic Cake Store unguarded. Er HH I think I might have a business opportunity for you and your sidekick PB.

I believe it is because PB lives somewhere 'down south' and that fish & chips is perceived as 'foreign' and therefore very heavily taxed.

That would impinge on their human rights but as we're now out of Euroland can't we just leave them there as punishment for stealing our fish

Sorry iL Dottore its not available for export. If you purchase any off the black market make certain its correctly marked ' produce of Yorkshire'

Yes but its not 'proper' chocolate. There may be a case for some divergence from European standards. Perhaps we should add cocoa plantations to the tea fields above Huddersfield.

No pictures please- well certainly not before nine o'clock please- as we don't want to upset the live stock.

Be very careful there. Otherwise the NSPCC that's the National Society for Preventing Choo's Choo's will be after you for the corruption of young citizens minds.

Just an idea. Contaminated blood from mad cows disease?

Something tells me that cats would be quite happy if we prayed to them.

No it just means that unlike dogs cats are awkward so and so's and are only in it for whatever benefits them. There was a reason the ancient Egyptians used to pray to them.

I happen to know of some Polish painters & decorators who are free at the moment due to the cancellation of a big job they were coming over for. What's more I have some sky blue paint going spare as well if your interested.

Would that be the good looking one then. Yes I know. I blame lack of cake myself.

Doppelgangers.

None standard sized coffin. Don't know what the grave diggers would say.

It is interesting to see that this b.........d virus is seen as a living thing to be beaten whereas it is in fact the actions or not that have actually allowed it to succeed. We are in fact fighting ourselves.