Satan's Goldfish
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Status Updates posted by Satan's Goldfish
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ther herd were out in force in the M40 this afternoon. the 'alpha' though was clearly the mid-life-crisis in a porsche carerra4 who came storming past me, dropped down a lane in front of me, then proceded to slow down to much less than my cruise control was set to. Why?!?!
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Satan's summary of 3 lane+ roads (motorways mostly): people that sit in middle or 'fast' lanes when 'slow' lane is empty are ######*. When lots of them do it they're a herd of ######*. However, on the m25 only it's a stampede of ######*.
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Just returned from tonights round trip of M4, M5, Axxx, A303, and A34. In heavy wind and rain. They were certainly out in force again. Special mention must go to the person in the Corsa who indicated to come out and round some old dear who was only doing 40mph on the A34, so I slowed down a bit in plenty of time and flashed to let them out........several times before they decided to actually pull. Of course by that time due to their 15 seconds of indecision I'd also had to slow down to 40...
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Wife, vaguely gesturing: 'I like the look of that car'. Me: 'Which car?' Wife: 'the one back there.' Me: 'Which one?!?' Wife: 'Behind us!' ......... Me: 'We're in a car park........'
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So the drug testers were back this morning. only 1 person in my office was called forward. there was no coolant around for him to drink this time.
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we're a well travelled family around the UK. During the summer the wife and (teenage) daughter were on their way home, heading west on the M40. Daughter: 'Are we heading towards Germany?' Wife: 'No.....why?' Daughter 'That sign had Birmingham on, and Birmingham is in Germany.' Wife: '..............' She could go on to cure cancer, solve world hunger, and invent a never-ending energy source, but she will never be allowed to forget that moment.
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tales from the fishbowl! Driving yesterday on a stretch of 3 lane dual carriageway, nobody in the slow lane. Wife: 'Why is everyone in the 2 fast lanes when nobody's in the slow lane?' Me: 'because they're......what's the collective noun for many ######?' Wife: 'What's a collective noun?' Me: 'it's the way for describing many of something, several sheep are a herd of sheep.' Wife: 'it's flock of sheep.....' The shame :-(
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We have occasional compulsory drugs testing in work. they turned up today. Work Colleague: 'I need something to drink before I go down, pass me that bottle from under that desk'. proceeds to chug from bottle of 'blue energy drink', runs to sink and vomits. 'That's not energy drink, that's engine coolant.' Well that's one way to avoid testing, although he's currently in hospital getting mocked.
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Vintage classic quote for the day (not involving mrs Satan for once!) from an old friend, lets call her 'Lara'. Group of us discussing birthdays, a couple of us have them on the 13th of the month and listing when it was last a Friday 13th. Lara: 'I don't think my birthdays ever fallen on Friday 13th.' Me: 'no Lara, that's because your birthday's on the 12th.'
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Out for a walk earlier. Wife: 'I'm cold and I need a wee.' Me: 'Well there's a bush right there.......' Apparently that was also not an acceptable response.
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Satan's line of the day! All context removed to enhance the comedy: Wife; 'Chicken's not wheat is it......'
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Wife: 'the bedroom's like a fridge.' Me: 'what, the light comes on when you open the door?'.....
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why is it so awkward to fit new bulbs into modern cars?! had to remove the air filter and fuse box to get at the back of each head lamp, (then get down on the ground to reach the undertray to retrieve the bits I dropped....)
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1. Main dealer never had a chance of it being taken back unless it was warentee work, something feels very wrong about paying someone to change a bulb!
2. I'd agree with that, but my car is the opposite of small....lots of space in the engine bay, accept behind the headlights! Designing it so that when you drop an item it lands on the undertray which involves removing the inner arches to access is just genius though.
3. Ah gas lights, what could possibly go w...
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replacement headlight bulbs ordered (1's blown), apparently they're 110% brighter and 20% whiter.......we shall see! (out of interest, does anyone use 12v automotive bulbs to illuminate their layouts?!)
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The livingroom floor is covered in lego train, the coffee table makes a good tunnel, and he'd still like more!
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that was the longest extended 3 hours of my life!
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Shameless plug for a friend: dansdirtydiesels.wix.com/dansdirtydiesels
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Just had a fabulous finger. next up, some long thin biscuits with a praline centre covered in cadbury's chocolate.
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watching too many late 80s 'spotting' vids on youtube. conclusion; I need more 37s (who doesn't?!) and I need lots more 31s.
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Tragic day in the fish bowl. the boy's large Jaguar Cichlid has caused the wife's Red Tailed Catfish to choke to death over night. Dumbass.
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mrs satan is passing the time by looking up personalised number plates on the internet. she's just found V8 GAY is still available. I fear for my car.
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Just found a picture of an 85 on cartics at Stratford. Score. Didn't think 85s made it over to the GEML.
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slightly racist secret santa purchasing in full flow, we have the mexican flag, tin of kidney beans, inflatable cactus, tortilla wraps, and mexican soccer shirt all on route. Local sainsbury's has run out of best of Santana cd's on offer and I've not seen any maracas yet.
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When it's fiesta time in Guadalajara,
How I long to be back once again in old Mexico,
Where we lived for today,
Never giving a thought to tomorrow,
To the strumming of guitars,
In a hundred grubby bars,
I would whisper "Te amo".
The mariachis would serenade,
And they would not shut up 'til they were paid,
We ate, we drank,
And we were merry,
And we got typhoid
And dysentery....
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128 notifications......the down side of getting distracted by other websites! my appologees if I don't respond to something but I'm not going back through them all.
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Satan's ironic text of the month. from O2UK: Hi Satan. A while ago you told us you didn't want to get emails and texts from us, ......
