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Status Updates posted by Kev_Lewis
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To which she replied "I'm not sticking that in my mouth!".
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Driving in my car, looking at the rain, the only time I'm happy's when I play with my trains.
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Let me outta this cheap B movie!
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Are you the Police? No ma'am, we're musicians.
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Well that's my hearing ruined for a couple of days. Worth it though, great gig from Joe Bonamassa.
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Death by hayfever.
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Girls, girls!!!!!
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Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
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I smell something fishy and I'm not talking about the contents of Baldrick's apple crumble.
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Not to worry, my Lord. The arrow didn't in fact, enter my body. No. By a thousand to one chance, my willy got in the way.
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Can someone please tell the dude in the cloak, carrying a scythe, to keep his boney finger in his pocket for the rest of the year!
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Thanks, Bridesmaid. Like the beard. Gives me something to hang on to.
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Now I've got my lovely fire I'm happy as a Frenchman who's invented a pair of self-removing trousers.
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If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves and I wouldn't want them on my conscience - not when they ought to be on my face!
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We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
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A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, High Chief of all the Vikings, accidentally ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside
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'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
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If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
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Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene’.
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To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
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Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
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It was like that when I got here!