The Night Mail

[laurenceb]

Our metalwork " teachers" party trick was to pick up a boy by the ears and shout " you dehydrated streak of tapwater". Never liked the bloke. Had one year of him and came out of it knowing less than when it started. If you were not one of his blue-eye boys you were ignored

[SM42]

My previously mentioned maths / games teacher used  to start each lesson throwing a multiplication at you and you had about 2 seconds to answer. Used to fill me with dread every time. I always  hoped for 6x7 as I knew that one. 

 

He also had one lad in his form who he would send off on fool's errands. 

 

I remember being in a science lesson when he arrived asking for a long stand.

Cue muffled  tittering from some in the class

"Just wait there while I finish this' said our teacher

After about 10 minutes he told him he had stood long enough and could go.

The penny dropped, the eyes looked to the sky and off he went to a chorus of more pronounced giggling. 

 

I'm surprised I learnt anything.

 

Andy

 

Edited September 2, 2021 by SM42

[simontaylor484]

One of my maths teachers known to some on here Peter Cookson used to like banging the blackboard eraser on the desk once he banged it that hard it split in tw0 right down the middle he must have gone home every night covered in chalk dust.

 

We had a science teacher Mr Swindell he wasn't really popular any way some unknown person (Not me) glued his metal glasses case to the lab bench. Trying to keep a straight face whilst he was trying to pick up the case was impossible.

 

We also had a "fork handles" incident with him. We had a boy move down from Shetland he was asked his name he said Leslie Day Swindell said Leslie Dee, No Leslie Day this went on for about 15 minutes

[Tony_S]

4 hours ago, New Haven Neil said:

hope that those here who taught did so in such a way that did not mimic their own experiences!  Maybe it made better teachers of them?  

I tried. I don’t recall throwing anything at anyone. With my aiming ability the target would have been the safest person in the room anyway. 
Tony

[SM42]

1 hour ago, simontaylor484 said:

One of my maths teachers known to some on here Peter Cookson used to like banging the blackboard eraser on the desk once he banged it that hard it split in tw0 right down the middle he must have gone home every night covered in chalk dust.

 

 

In my final year at middle school my form teacher was Mrs Bartlett.

 

If anyone was messing about or not paying attention, she would bang a wooden rule on the desk

 

She gained the nickname Freddie Bartlett as  result cos she was often having a freddie and banging that rule on the desk.

 

On our last day, we bought her a new wooden rule  with "freddie stick" written on it.

 

She accepted it in good humour

 

Andy

Edited September 2, 2021 by SM42

[jamie92208]

2 hours ago, simontaylor484 said:

One of my maths teachers known to some on here Peter Cookson used to like banging the blackboard eraser on the desk once he banged it that hard it split in tw0 right down the middle he must have gone home every night covered in chalk dust.

 

Yes I know Peter Cookson.  A good photographer but a poor speaker.  I fell asleep in at least one of his talks. I think I've gotva book that he co authored

 

Jamie

[polybear]

One of Bear's Form Teachers was a Mr Parkinson - an old school Ar5ehole.  On his last day before he retired one of the ceiling strip light diffusers fell off and whacked him on the head.  Boy did we all struggle to keep straight faces....

The ceilings were pretty high, so no way could anyone have "fixed it"

[Northmoor]

10 minutes ago, polybear said:

One of Bear's Form Teachers was a Mr Parkinson - an old school Ar5ehole.  On his last day before he retired one of the ceiling strip light diffusers fell off and whacked him on the head.  Boy did we all struggle to keep straight faces....

The ceilings were pretty high, so no way could anyone have "fixed it"

They say you never forget a good teacher, which is true.  It's clearly true that we never forget the bad ones either.

[PhilJ W]

Strangely the one teacher I remember was my teacher at infants school year two! Her name was Miss Whitaker and she taught me to read and write so she must have been a good teacher.

[Happy Hippo]

I seem to have spent the day getting ready to head off south for a week.

 

I just need to sort out my suitcase in the morning.

[SM42]

1 hour ago, Happy Hippo said:

I seem to have spent the day getting ready to head off south for a week.

 

I just need to sort out my suitcase in the morning.

 

Is this a for the winter type of thing?

 

Andy

[J. S. Bach]

16 hours ago, Dave Hunt said:

 

Sorry about that, Dave.

 

Just in case it wears off -

 

" Hitler has only got.........."

 

 

Dave

I was going to post something similar but did not. Of course, I am also thinking about a certain bridge ........................................

[Florence Locomotive Works]

On the subject of teachers looking like someone famous, none so far. As far as destroying teachers spanking objects, my current count is zero, although I did set a desk on fire (for an extremely short period of time) with a steam engine once.

 

 

That teacher is now a great personal friend of mine.

 

 

 

 

Douglas

Edited September 3, 2021 by Florence Locomotive Works

[AndyID]

We had a very nervous math teacher who happened to wear shoes with tackets. One member of my class specialized studying explosives and he sprinkled the classroom floor with a compound that became became highly unstable when dry. The poor teacher thought standing on chalk dust was setting-off the explosions.

 

Our PE head was a vindictive bar-steward. As far as he was concerned if you were not exactly athletic you were a total loser, and he was not afraid to let you know. I suppose he was trying to get the best out of everyone but, ironically, the year after I left there was a staff versus pupils rugby or soccer match (can't remember which) during which he keeled over with a heart-attack and died on the field.

 

And I just remembered, it was the nervous math teacher who took the trouble to transport me to the infirmary when my collar bone was broken in a schools rugby match one Saturday morning.

 

The best teacher was a physics teacher nicknamed "Bilko". (There was a pretty good resemblance.) He set-up a mini-lab for my friend Alastair and I to construct some electronic projects. Fantastic! Unfortunately Alastair and Bilko are no longer with us.

[pH]

17 minutes ago, AndyID said:

One member of my class specialized studying explosives and he sprinkled the classroom floor with a compound that became became highly unstable when dry.

 

Nitrogen tri-iodide? Could also be painted (wet) inside a locked keyhole (allegedly!)

[AndyID]

5 minutes ago, pH said:

 

Nitrogen tri-iodide? Could also be painted (wet) inside a locked keyhole (allegedly!)

 

It could well have been. According to my flaky memory tri-iodide sounds correct.

 

BTW, Bilko was a Mr Campbell and I think he was in Greenock latterly. I tried to contact him to thank him a few years ago but discovered he had recently died.

[rockershovel]

I had the character-building experience of attending a (very) minor public school, courtesy of the 11-Plus. Some of the staff appeared to have escaped from the pages of Willams and Searle, at least one was long past his sell by date and one "term" master was actually employed through Gabbitas and Thring, but the main thing I learned was they only exerted power over you to the extent that you "bought into" their outlook. The main impression I took from the place was of the benefits of a structured, disciplined learning environment - a major change from my East London origins - and I was able to so advise No 2 Son when he was offered a place at a highly selective local school associated with the Cathedral, decades later. He also hated it but felt it had benefitted him in later life. 

[jamie92208]

7 hours ago, Happy Hippo said:

I seem to have spent the day getting ready to head off south for a week.

 

I just need to sort out my suitcase in the morning.

I hope that Welsh falling down water occupies enough space.

1 hour ago, rockershovel said:

I had the character-building experience of attending a (very) minor public school, courtesy of the 11-Plus. Some of the staff appeared to have escaped from the pages of Willams and Searle, at least one was long past his sell by date and one "term" master was actually employed through Gabbitas and Thring, but the main thing I learned was they only exerted power over you to the extent that you "bought into" their outlook. The main impression I took from the place was of the benefits of a structured, disciplined learning environment - a major change from my East London origins - and I was able to so advise No 2 Son when he was offered a place at a highly selective local school associated with the Cathedral, decades later. He also hated it but felt it had benefitted him in later life. 

I also got a place, as a day boy at a minor publuc school, coutesy of the 11 plus. It sounds very similar to yours.  I also benefitted from the structured learning environment. I hated the bullying and sporting culture but had several inspiring teachers. My Chemistry teacher had worked at Winscale, now Sellafield, and really brought nuclear chemistry to life. My art teacher had been the forger for the Great Escape but didn't get out of the camp before the tunnel was discovered. He gave me a love of architecture though I had no artistic ability. Many of the others were good, some were appalling sadistic bullies.  I ended up with a love hate relationship  with the school. I loved the education that I got, and the emphasis on thinking things through, but hated the culture.  

 

Jamie

[Happy Hippo]

27 minutes ago, jamie92208 said:

I hope that Welsh falling down water occupies enough space.

 

Funnily enough, I didn't even consider taking any!

 

I have two unopened bottles:  The first was a must have, as it was on special offer at Waitrose a few weeks back, and the second is a bottle of the 2019 Grand Slam special edition. This cannot be opened until Wales win their next Six Nations Rugby Grand Slam.

 

It could be a long time.  (The 2012 edition had to wait seven years!)

 

I now need to go and sort out my 'Moggling Box', although I have yet to decide what to put inside it.

[New Haven Neil]

I was just wondering what length runway is required to get a hippo airborne for the flight south?  That lead on to the required size of parachute canopy to then deliver said hippo safely to the ground once more.  Perhaps I should stick to things I understand.....

[Stubby47]

Some of us are already 'South'... Should we be worried about the imminent arrival of large animals in unscheduled air drops?

[SM42]

The most inspiring teacher I had was Mr Martin, maths teacher  

 

He bore a very loose resemblance to Bruce Foxton and hence became known as Brucie. 

 

He arrived during my second year at High School and took my maths ability from reasonable to excellent. 

His lessons were fun, he would join in with and go along with any harmless japes and was not not afraid to organise  a few himself. 

He played on his nickname, offering Brucie Bonuses if you got the answer first. 

A trend developed whereby we would write messages in our homework, usually about sport, how hard the maths was or school  gossip and you would always get a reply. 

Marking must have taken hours.

 

There were many other  inspiring and excellent teachers in my education, but he stands out. 

His teaching certainly helped me get my degree

 It was a sad day when he left, but he left a lasting legacy amongst his pupils. 

I am extremely grateful that I was blessed with being in his classes.

 

Who'd have thought maths could be fun?

 

Andy

Edited September 3, 2021 by SM42

[SM42]

14 minutes ago, Stubby47 said:

Some of us are already 'South'... Should we be worried about the imminent arrival of large animals in unscheduled air drops 

 

Yes

 

Andy

Edited September 3, 2021 by SM42

[Northmoor]

23 minutes ago, Stubby47 said:

Some of us are already 'South'... Should we be worried about the imminent arrival of large animals in unscheduled air drops?

We want to avoid something similar to the "Cow sinks fishing boat" story, which it turns out is an urban myth:

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/cow-tao/

[Happy Hippo]

27 minutes ago, New Haven Neil said:

I was just wondering what length runway is required to get a hippo airborne for the flight south?  That lead on to the required size of parachute canopy to then deliver said hippo safely to the ground once more.  Perhaps I should stick to things I understand.....

We have the ability to catapult launch so a runway is not really a problem.

 

Likewise the canopy is not an issue, anything that will remotely give me a soft(ish) landing will suffice although I do insist on a minimum of 26' diameter for the reserve.

 

However, the follow on flight of 4 C-130 carrying the cake can take up quite a bit of airspace if following the separation rules for low level tactical flying.  They can despatch the cake from fairly low level (250-400') over a reasonable field.  The cargo canopies inflating just in time to prevent sponke cakes being compressed on landing.

27 minutes ago, Stubby47 said:

Some of us are already 'South'... Should we be worried about the imminent arrival of large animals in unscheduled air drops?

It is not my intention to cross the Tamar as we intend to stay in East Devon with the occasional foraging party into Dorset.

 

I never 'drop in' unannounced, except on my enemies. (Of which I have plenty!!)