bluebottle Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building... My father told me of a workmate, when he was working down the pit, who often said daft things, apparently in all seriousness. So Da was never quite sure if he was trying to be funny or not. One such story might be thought of as a distant relative of Kevin's joke, without the macabre twist... One day, when the two of them stopped work to eat their "snap", his pal looked into his snap tin and said, in an aggrieved tone "Oh, cheese again. That's every day this week. I'm sick o' cheese." Da asked him: "Why don't you ask your wife to put something else on your sandwiches, then?" "The mother-in-law's poorly," he replied, "so the missus is stopping with her just now, and I've got to mek mi own snap". And he ate his food with a long-suffering expression on his face... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevblokey Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 For over four miles I followed this lorry whilst I tried to get him to stop, when he finally did, I was able to tell him he was losing his load. “I’m gritting” came the angry response Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 1, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 1, 2018 Wheres that GROAN button? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Wheres that GROAN button? I dunno, but I'm seriously considering the "Ignore Thread" button as an alternative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leopardml2341 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 (edited) I dunno, but I'm seriously considering the "Ignore Thread" button as an alternative. I actually chuckled at that! Proving, irrefutably that humour is not a 'one size fits all' attribute. Edited March 1, 2018 by leopardml2341 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevblokey Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 (edited) There’s no pleasing some people... Edited March 1, 2018 by kevblokey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FPH 603 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I actually chuckled at that! Proving, irrefutably that humour is not a 'one size fits all' attribute. There’s no pleasing some people... Bring back the 'Disagree' button to disagree with those who lack in a sense of humour! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davefromacrossthepond Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Oh, I've tried numerous times to ignore this thread. But gosh darn it, I keep coming back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 (edited) For over four miles I followed this lorry whilst I tried to get him to stop, when he finally did, I was able to tell him he was losing his load. “I’m gritting” came the angry response I thought that I'd seen this one on here before, but no; not yet, anyway - give it time... (This second sight is both a blessing and a curse). Edited March 1, 2018 by bluebottle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted March 1, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 1, 2018 I thought that I'd seen this one on here before, but no; not yet, anyway - give it time... (This second sight is both a blessing and a curse). you had.... http://www.rmweb.co.uk/community/index.php?/topic/741-the-forum-jokes-thread/?view=findpost&p=2328648 Andi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allan downes Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 (edited) The old ones are the best. I've got a broom that's 50 years old it has had ten new heads and three new sticks. That's my joke from months ago where the broom is a genuine Battle Axe from the Battle Of Hastings which in its time has had three new heads and two new handles. You will be hearing from my Solicitor. Edited March 2, 2018 by allan downes 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ian Posted March 2, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 2, 2018 That's my joke from months ago where the broom is a genuine Battle Axe from the Battle Of Hastings which in its time has had three new heads and two new handles. You will be hearing from my Solicitor. That joke has been around so long that it has had eight new subjects and half-a-dozen new punchlines... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 2, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 2, 2018 That's my joke from months ago where the broom is a genuine Battle Axe from the Battle Of Hastings which in its time has had three new heads and two new handles. You will be hearing from my Solicitor. That joke has been around so long that it has had eight new subjects and half-a-dozen new punchlines... Since 1066? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allan downes Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 Oh, I've tried numerous times to ignore this thread. But gosh darn it, I keep coming back. Must be the way I tell 'em ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted March 2, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 2, 2018 Do you want the honest or diplomatic riposte of that? Can we have both? Sounds as if it could be interesting! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB-AU Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 I was going to post a joke about time travel but none of you liked it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevblokey Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Sorry if my gritter gag is a repeated (albeit abridged) version of one already on here, I'm a bit like the BBC "now on 2, another chance to see..." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 3, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 3, 2018 I was going to post a joke about time travel but none of you liked it. What joke was that then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leopardml2341 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 I was going to post a joke about time travel but none of you liked it. What joke was that then? Maybe 'Who's' joke was that might be a better question.......? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leopardml2341 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Don't worry folks, spring is just around the corner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted March 3, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 3, 2018 Don't worry folks, spring is just around the corner Screenshot_2018-03-03-11-55-35~2.png Large GROAN button required! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 FIFTY SHADES OF GREY The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!! Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said "I am a dominator!!" Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left tit! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My God what had I done! She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one!!" Well readers, I can tell no more; Of what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium uax6 Posted March 3, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 3, 2018 Just heard music coming from the printer, which was odd. I lifted the lid and it turned out it was just a paper jam. Its ok I left the engine running... Andy G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ikks Posted March 4, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 4, 2018 FIFTY SHADES OF GREY The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!! Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said "I am a dominator!!" Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left tit! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My God what had I done! She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one!!" Well readers, I can tell no more; Of what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey!! Stoppit!!! I've got broken ribs and they're hurting. Mike 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Just heard music coming from the printer, which was odd. I lifted the lid and it turned out it was just a paper jam. Its ok I left the engine running... Andy G Not necessarily a printer but certainly other computer hardware can make music. Hence, the Floppotron. ... or if you prefer high voltage, may I suggest the musical Tesla coils: 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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