KeithMacdonald Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 34 minutes ago, Compound2632 said: The longer you live, the more likely you are to die? “On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted October 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 8, 2020 That's right, there is no way out of this alive... But the longer you live, the more likely you are not to have previously died, which is what the insurance algorithms are interested in. Once upon a time when there were proper trains, you could buy an insurance policy for your journey, a perk for ticket office staff who were on commission for it, for 6d IIRC. 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 18 hours ago, Ian Abel said: Can't quite bring myself to order and wear this one ; In that case, please tell the rest of us where we *can* buy one? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 (edited) 18 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: In that case, please tell the rest of us where we *can* buy one? Tinternet. Just look for "funny tees" or similar search term. Plenty of reputable companies which should have them, often with good deals such as bogof. I haven't looked here, but these are reliable. https://www.iwantoneofthose.com/clothing/t-shirts/humour.list Here. https://www.redbubble.com/shop/nice+tits+tit+bird+t-shirts?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3uG524Cl7AIVS-vtCh2hdA4ZEAAYASAAEgKrJvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds Edited October 8, 2020 by Steamport Southport 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 On 06/10/2020 at 18:31, CameronL said: CAPTION COMPETITION TIME! Suggestions - "Ebbw Vale's answer to Little Mix did not get a 'Big Fat Yes' from Simon Cowell" Or - "There was consternation over the Welsh Cakes when Blodwyn revealed that she'd been selected as a contestant on Love Island." The BRM Editorial Team really got into the spirit of things when they decided to do a special Welsh-themed edition of the mag... steve 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post PhilJ W Posted October 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted October 8, 2020 5 1 2 1 32 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 39 minutes ago, steve1 said: The BRM Editorial Team really got into the spirit of things when they decided to do a special Welsh-themed edition of the mag... steve Ok, put names to the faces.... 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 This joke has two insert name here moments that can be applied to any town or city. Just replace the italicised bits with 1) the biggest hospital and 2) a really rough area of town ... My mate recently asked me "How do I get to Manchester Royal Infirmary? I replied "Go for a walk in Moss Side." 4 1 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 13 hours ago, Hroth said: Ok, put names to the faces.... I'll leave that to Andy Y. steve 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Abel Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 On 08/10/2020 at 07:16, KeithMacdonald said: In that case, please tell the rest of us where we *can* buy one? I'm in the US so "your mileage may vary", but Amazon has about 8 different vendors/sites that supply them over here, FREE delivery by tomorrow if I wanted one 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 On 08/10/2020 at 10:47, steve1 said: Ah, the joys of smutty schoolboy humour. We've all been there... steve Well us boys! never grow up. That's according to She That Must Be Defed Out, when I 'accidently' don't hear what she has said. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 4 hours ago, Ian Abel said: I'm in the US so "your mileage may vary", but Amazon has about 8 different vendors/sites that supply them over here, FREE delivery by tomorrow if I wanted one The problem I've found with American T Shirt sellers is they are always in American sizes. In other words they are HUGE! So if anyone is tempted buying tees from the US check the size chart as a UK XL will be about a US S or M. I speak with experience here as I buy a lot of band merchandise that you can't get in the UK. Some of which could easily be used as tents. 1 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted October 10, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 10, 2020 4 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: The problem I've found with American T Shirt sellers is they are always in American sizes. In other words they are HUGE! So if anyone is tempted buying tees from the US check the size chart as a UK XL will be about a US S or M. I speak with experience here as I buy a lot of band merchandise that you can't get in the UK. Some of which could easily be used as tents. THANKS!!! I use a 2XLT. I did get a 4XLT once by mistake and before exchanging it, thought about using it as a car cover. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a good looking woman and starts looking at his watch. The woman notices this and asks him if his date is late. "No", he replies, "I've just got this new state-of-the-art watch and I was just about to test it." "What does it do?" "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing a bra or panties." "Ha! Well it must be broken then, because I am!" "Damn thing must be an hour fast." 1 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 10, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 10, 2020 7 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says: "You know what I want, don't you?" "Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bleedin' bed by the looks of it!" 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 (edited) On 07/10/2020 at 16:25, Hroth said: Amazingly, the Scots got away with the Paps of Jura Image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paps_of_Jura AND The Pap of Glencoe Image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pap_of_Glencoe without having to Mumble about it. On the other hand, the Paps of Scilla sound much more enticing... https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Paps_of_Scilla How about the Cairngorm peak "Bod an Deamhain" Literally means "Pen1s of the Demon". The present day English name Devils Point is a result of a visit to the area by Queen Victoria. She asked her local ghillie, John Brown, to translate the name; to avoid embarrassment he gave a safe answer Edited October 11, 2020 by luckymucklebackit 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binky Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Interviewer: "What skills can you bring to this job?" Me: "I'm good at performing under pressure" Interviewer: "Can you give me an example of this?" Me: "dum dum dum da-da daa dum.. dum dum dum da-da daa dum.. Pressure, Pushing down on me Pressing down on you...." 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocor Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 On 08/10/2020 at 19:58, PhilJ W said: The Queen always keeps a house brick in her handbag, so would be able to take him anyway. 2 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leopardml2341 Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Wife: Did I get fat during the quarantine? Husband: You weren't that skinny to begin with. Time of death: 11 a.m. Cause: COVID 19 Brit15 1 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Scooby didgery-doo! 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 I'm afraid Scooby Doo is an invasive species brought in by Johnny Depp's crazy ex wife. Because Johnny wasn't around to apologise again he's had to be put down. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted October 11, 2020 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted October 11, 2020 11 hours ago, Binky said: Interviewer: "What skills can you bring to this job?" Me: "I'm good at performing under pressure" Interviewer: "Can you give me an example of this?" Me: "dum dum dum da-da daa dum.. dum dum dum da-da daa dum.. Pressure, Pushing down on me Pressing down on you...." Interviewer: What would you say was your weakness. Me: I am too honest. Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a weakness. Me: I don't care what you think. 1 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 Interviewer: And what is your strength? Me: Being able to put up with idiots asking stupid questions.... Anyone had the biscuit or animal questions? Or any of the funny ones such as "what would you do if I gave you an elephant, but you can't sell it or give it away?" Now they can be hilarious. Just don't reply with "What a stupid question!" 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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