The Forum Jokes Thread

[KeithMacdonald]

As it's getting near Christmas, there's some traditional music I look forward to hearing every year. I never feel like it's really Christmas until I've heard Kirsty MacCall and The Pogues having a domestic to music. But then I read this:
 

Quote

 

A BBC radio presenter has banned The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl duet “Fairytale of New York” from his show after calling it an “offensive pile of downmarket chav bilge”.

BBC Radio Solent’s Alex Dyke tweeted that he wasn’t comfortable with the song’s lyrics, which include Pogues frontman Shane MacGowan calling MacColl an “old on junk”, and MacColl calling him in return a “cheap, lousy ”.

 

 

Ahh, fecking BBC!

 

Good job the original is still available on YouTube (71 million views and climbing)

 

 

[PhilJ W]

[Steamport Southport]

1 hour ago, KeithMacdonald said:

As it's getting near Christmas, there's some traditional music I look forward to hearing every year. I never feel like it's really Christmas until I've heard Kirsty MacCall and The Pogues having a domestic to music. But then I read this:
 

 

Ahh, fecking BBC!

 

Good job the original is still available on YouTube (71 million views and climbing)

 

 

 

BBC hasn't banned it though. Seems to be some no mark local DJ trying to get his name in the papers.

 

Probably hasn't read the memo....

 

They aren't playing it in full on Radio One and other channels have the option to play the "alternative" version which was done years ago with full participation of the band and Kirsty MacColl.

 

But Radio Two will play it in full with the proper lyrics.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-54999375

 

Radio One has songs with far more offensive lyrics. Just that a few numpties have a particular grievance with this song....

 

Bunch of snowflakes seems apt seeing as it's a Christmas song.    

[BR60103]

12 hours ago, The Johnster said:

sheperds showed up despite mighty dread having siezed their troubled minds, though an angel had appeared to them telling them to fear not,

It must say something about the appearance of angels that their first words are always "Fear not!".

 

[Enterprisingwestern]

 

Three angels were coming down to Earth and part way down they passed three souls ascending to heaven. Aah angels said the souls, but the angels were too polite to reply.

 

Mike.

Best I can manage for a clean religious joke.

[Hroth]

17 hours ago, The Johnster said:

and then we 3 kings from orient are appeared

 

16 hours ago, Hroth said:

One in a taxi, one in a car, one on a scooter, blowing his hooter...

 

16 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

But there's no evidence that happened and that era is very well documented. Particularly by the Romans.

 

Say it ain't so!!!

 

As for the rest, its all oral tradition written down at a later date, and I don't expect the Romans would have recorded everything either.

[Enterprisingwestern]

6 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

 

 

Say it ain't so!!!

 

As for the rest, its all oral tradition written down at a later date, and I don't expect the Romans would have recorded everything either.

 

Fictional storytelling then?

 

Mike.

[2750Papyrus]

S

[CameronL]

13 hours ago, Colin_McLeod said:

 

Another rubbish sequel - it wasn't anything like as good as"The Love Bug" 

[luckymucklebackit]

49 minutes ago, Enterprisingwestern said:

 

Fictional storytelling then?

 

Mike.

 

More like Science Fiction, so if Spielberg did the nativity..

 

Bright Spaceship in synchronous earth orbit appears in sky, broadcasts message to earth dwellers who have no concept of the idea of flight, nevermind interstellar travel, so interpret message as coming from a superior being (aka God) via this "star"

Human female selected for IVD treatment using "alien" DNA

Child born with special powers and knowledge , has capability to cure blindness, cure leprosy raise the dead etc, most of which are to a degree possible with modern medical techniques.

Local politicians get nervous about this threat to their authority and have him rubbed out

Spaceship comes and takes him back. Legacy is a muddled mix of so called religions that have caused wars and suffering ever since

 

Jim

 

[Obi-Jiff Kenobi]

13 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

That was the first Noel.

 

 

Photographic evidence that he was around in Roman times....

I've seen his Crinkly Bottom.

[newbryford]

1 hour ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

I've seen his Crinkly Bottom.

 

TMI

[Sidecar Racer]

[jcredfer]

1 hour ago, Sidecar Racer said:

 

It's the BMW pointer for which direction to stare in, for the next well turned ankle.

 

Julian

 

[KeithMacdonald]

3 hours ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

I've seen his Crinkly Bottom.

 

Have you seen his Mr Blobby as well?

[KeithMacdonald]

14 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

 

An Elf & Safty briefing?

Some say that it was Vixen that put the complaint in to Santa's Grotto's HR Department.

Dancer and Prancer didn't mind, but they are booked to appear on Strictly Santa Comes Dancing.

 

[Obi-Jiff Kenobi]

29 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Have you seen his Mr Blobby as well?

I'm still recovering from that!

[Hroth]

5 hours ago, Enterprisingwestern said:

 

Fictional storytelling then?

 

Mike.

 

True for a given value of "True"...

[Hroth]

4 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

 

More like Science Fiction, so if Spielberg did the nativity..

 

Bright Spaceship in synchronous earth orbit appears in sky, broadcasts message to earth dwellers who have no concept of the idea of flight, nevermind interstellar travel, so interpret message as coming from a superior being (aka God) via this "star"

Human female selected for IVD treatment using "alien" DNA

Child born with special powers and knowledge , has capability to cure blindness, cure leprosy raise the dead etc, most of which are to a degree possible with modern medical techniques.

Local politicians get nervous about this threat to their authority and have him rubbed out

Spaceship comes and takes him back. Legacy is a muddled mix of so called religions that have caused wars and suffering ever since

 

Jim

 

 

You've been listening to Chris de Burg again?

 

 

 

Perhaps Greg Lake is a little less...

 

 

 

 

Edited December 4, 2020 by Hroth

[The Johnster]

Well, as an atheist, if the sky parted and an Angel Of The Lord appeared to me, then irrespective of it's appearance and of how many times it told me to fear not, I'd throw a lump of sh*t at it.  Because there would definitely be one available...

 

Same drill as encountering a Bengal tiger, panzer division, or for that matter Aunty Barbara when she's p*ssed.

[The Johnster]

7 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

 

 

Say it ain't so!!!

 

As for the rest, its all oral tradition written down at a later date, and I don't expect the Romans would have recorded everything either.

The Roman census that made Josecph and Mary travel to Bethlehem is mentioned in their records, and at around the 'right' time.  A localised slaughter of the innocents would probably not even be a footnote, and anyway Herod's business not the Empire's.  My opinion FWIW, which is what I am charging you for it, is that there was a historical Jesus and I see no reason not to accept Matthew or Luke's account of his birth; they probably got the story from Mary, who was definitely there at the time her children were born...

[Steamport Southport]

You're only talking 50 to 100 AD when all this was written. These were real documented people. Probably more documented than Julius Caesar, Alexander The Great and Tutankhamun, and nobody thinks they are fictional characters.

 

Worth considering the person who wrote most of it was Paul The Apostle (Saint Paul). He apparently knew that Jesus geezer IRL. Exaggeration of some things definitely.

 

But there was almost certainly some dude going around called Jesus.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_the_Apostle

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epistle_to_the_Romans

 

There's more written and physical evidence than there is for most eras of history as the Romans and Greeks wrote things down. 

[Steamport Southport]

[The Johnster]

There is plenty of documentary information, but it is tainted a little by 3 things,  Firstly, Paul had an agenda which was not entirely in line with the stated aims of the Nazarene sect, as specifically instructed by Jesus.  Secondly, Matthew's account of the nativity is second hand, as is Luke's, and neither of them were there.  Thirdly, John's account is confused by translation of his fairly esoteric and highly complicated take on the religious symbolism of what happened, and confusion between John the apostle brother of James the lesser, John the Revalaor, and John of Patmos, who each individually may or may not have been the same person or someone else entirely. 

 

Many of the most important figures of the Nazarenes and the early church, such as James the Greater, who may have been Jesus' half brother, Peter, and Mary Jesus' mother, left very little written evidence of their own, or if they did, it was lost in the Roman sack of jerusalem in 79AD.  They were probably all literate; as Jews revered the written word probably more than any people until the Koran was written, and were part of the Greek sphere of influence, I doubt there was a more literate society on earth anywhere in those days; it was a Jew's duty to know scripture and read it for himself if he could.  I have no doubt that historical Jesus was literate, and so were his friends and family, Mary included, but Mary does not seem to have left a written record.  There is no doubt that both John and Luke were in contact with her and revered her in her declining years, so they would have certainly ensured any such record was preserved (unless you think it might have been off measage, perhaps giving Jesus' father's identity, in which case bring on the conspiracy theories, and I'll take my leave of the discussion, thank you).

 

Then there is the development of doctrine and dogma in the early church, culiminating in the rejection of a good bit of documentary as apochryphal because it was 'off message', but again the conspiracy brigade have prevented any sensible discussion of this.  The apochrypha contains much that purports, probably with some justification, to record Jesus' early life, with first hand accounts from Mary of Magdala and Thomas.

[Danemouth]

Perhaps we should remember this is a jokes thread and not a theological debating society. As a commited and practising Christian I for one would prefer these discussions were in a thread on its own which I can then ignore

 

Thanks,

 

Dave