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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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Reminds me of the story of an American lady who was on holiday near Balmoral.

Seeing an elderly lady in a headscarf, the American asked her "Say, have you ever met the Queen?"

"No, but this policeman here has," replied the Queen, before continuing her walk....

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1 hour ago, RJS1977 said:

Reminds me of the story of an American lady who was on holiday near Balmoral.

Seeing an elderly lady in a headscarf, the American asked her "Say, have you ever met the Queen?"

"No, but this policeman here has," replied the Queen, before continuing her walk....

If we are getting into anecdotes about the Queen.

She was being driven along the old A41 through Boxmoor and asked the driver where they were as the road was very rough.

Boxmoor replied the driver. Gosh said the Queen we came past here 25 years ago and it was just as bad then.

I have heard quite a few in that vein and they all seem to have a ring of authenticity about them.

Bernard

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7 hours ago, RJS1977 said:

Reminds me of the story of an American lady who was on holiday near Balmoral.

Seeing an elderly lady in a headscarf, the American asked her "Say, have you ever met the Queen?"

"No, but this policeman here has," replied the Queen, before continuing her walk....

With no doubt the copper busting himself trying not to laugh!

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There is no particular reason why an American would necessarily recognize the British Queen, at least before the days of instant live tv news coverage. I presume that the anecdote was from Victoria's era.

Edited by J. S. Bach
To do a minor edit.
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7 hours ago, J. S. Bach said:

There is no particular reason why an American would necessarily recognize the British Queen, at least before the days of instant live tv news coverage. I presume that the anecdote was from Victoria's era.

 

I don't think Victoria was given to pottering around on her own in a headscarf. It does sound much like our present Monarch, maybe 30 years ago. 

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Last year Prince Charles  visited Wigan and all the civic dignitaries were lined up at Wigan North Western station ready for the Royal train to arrive, As the train gently came to a standstill the door to the Royal carriage opened and out stepped HRH sporting a genuine fox fur hat, with the poor creature's tail hanging forlornly down his back.

The Mayor of Wigan and the Lord Lieutenant of Lancashire stepped forward and the Lord Lieutenant whispered in Charlie's ear, "My God, your Highness, it's one of the hottest days of the year, and - I mean, I know your views about hunting - but it's hardly politically correct, wearing a fox fur hat, now is it?"

"What???" exclaimed Charles, "oh, this old thing," he indicated his hat, "Mummy's idea!"

"Mummy's idea?" said the Lord Lieutenant incredulously, "you mean Her Majesty the Queen's idea???"

"Oh yes," replied Charles, "you see, at breakfast she asked me what I was doing today, and I told her that I was coming to Wigan and she said 'Wigan, Wigan, ? --- Wear the fox hat'

 

image.png.022c701fa5cad70d572aa5f80f2f89cf.png

 

Brit15

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9 minutes ago, rocor said:

 

Try thinking a swear word enunciated in an aristocratic voice.

There was a similar problem when there was a chap in the news who was found out to be a spy. He went by the name of Klaus Fuchs. It caused all sorts of problems for regional news readers.

Bernard

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3 hours ago, APOLLO said:

.......What???" exclaimed Charles, "oh, this old thing," he indicated his hat, "Mummy's idea!"

"Mummy's idea?" said the Lord Lieutenant incredulously, "you mean Her Majesty the Queen's idea???"

"Oh yes," replied Charles, "you see, at breakfast she asked me what I was doing today, and I told her that I was coming to Wigan and she said 'Wigan, Wigan, ? --- Wear the fox hat'

Micheal Barrymore did that joke many years ago on TV, on the Royal Variety Show, in front of HRH himself. The destination was the Nynex Arena (since renamed, but where the show was being filmed) in Manchester.

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4 hours ago, rocor said:

 

Try thinking a swear word enunciated in an aristocratic voice.

 

2 hours ago, J. S. Bach said:

It just clicked: "Where the ................................" :yahoo:

Which immediately brought this to mind:

 

An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.

"So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."

The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF bombers and their escorts."

"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"

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3 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

I see Stan Boardman's jokes are still going.....

 

BBC banned him for telling that on Wogan.

 

Oldies but goodies!

 

They bombed our chippie, you know...

 

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12 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said:

In the affluent Glasgow suburb of Milngavie where plummy variations of Glasgow accents are common they think that sex are those black things you put rubbish in.

 

Jim

And a crèche is a car accident.

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Going off on a tangent, as I am wont to do...

 

Some of my favourite real but funny names come from the world of motor racing, especially in the good old US of A. For instance, there are/were NASCAR drivers called Lake Speed; Sterling Marlin; and the wonderful, and much missed, Dick Trickle.

 

My all-time favourite, though, is an American modeller who contributed to the Large Scale Planes forum. He rejoiced in a name which wouldn't raise an eyebrow stateside, but has had me and all my friends hooting with laughter: Randy Bumgardner.

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