The Forum Jokes Thread

[F-UnitMad]

[RJS1977]

On 17/02/2022 at 23:51, jcredfer said:

 

Apparently, something related to why the Allied air forces started to wear pedestrian crossing markings across their [otherwise] camouflaged wings, once the US, eventually joined in.

 

 

 

My understanding was that they were applied for D-Day only (certainly no earlier than that, as otherwise the Germans would have cottoned on) in view of the large number of aircraft in the air that day.

[exmoordave]

GARDEN SALE

6 trampolines

21 fence panels (various sizes)

45 Marley roof tiles

Half a shed

Contact me for prices......

UPDATE.....correction, only 4 trampolines, 2 have moved on

***NEW STOCK ARRIVING EVERY 5 MINUTES***

 

[KeithMacdonald]

[2E Sub Shed]

On 17/02/2022 at 23:51, jcredfer said:

 

Apparently, something related to why the Allied air forces started to wear pedestrian crossing markings across their [otherwise] camouflaged wings, once the US, eventually joined in.

 

 

For D-Day

 

Members of the Royal Observer Corp were deployed to Allied Merchant Ships including US Ships during the D-Day landings to prevent "friendly-fire" incidents.

 

Most "incidents" were from Naval vessels.

 

See https://www.combinedops.com/ROC.htm

[ERIC ALLTORQUE]

The Spanish fire chief called his first born son Hosay,his second was Hose b..............

[DK123GWR]

26 minutes ago, exmoordave said:

GARDEN SALE

6 trampolines

21 fence panels (various sizes)

45 Marley roof tiles

Half a shed

Contact me for prices......

UPDATE.....correction, only 4 trampolines, 2 have moved on

***NEW STOCK ARRIVING EVERY 5 MINUTES***

 

I think the contents of @jbqfc's garden may have blown into yours following storm Eunice. Perhaps you'd consider returning their possesions, rather than selling them?

[steve1]

steve

[F-UnitMad]

1 hour ago, 2E Sub Shed said:

 

Most "incidents" were from Naval vessels.

It was an un-written rule the RAF had almost from Sept 3rd, 1939, to never fly anywhere near any ship regardless of which Navy it was, if at all possible, as it would shoot at them.  

[RJS1977]

4 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

It was an un-written rule the RAF had almost from Sept 3rd, 1939, to never fly anywhere near any ship regardless of which Navy it was, if at all possible, as it would shoot at them.  

 

Indeed, even as recently as the Falklands, the British task force nearly fired on Vulcan XM607 returning from the first Black Buck raid.

Edited February 19, 2022 by RJS1977

[Hroth]

3 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

It was an un-written rule the RAF had almost from Sept 3rd, 1939, to never fly anywhere near any ship regardless of which Navy it was, if at all possible, as it would shoot at them.  

 

RN ships weren't the only problem, during the hunt for the Bismark, a flight of Swordfish torpedo planes from Ark Royal decided that HMS Sheffield looked a good enough target*...

 

* Luckily the the Duplex fused torpedos weren't any good and Sheffield escaped being damaged.

 

Edited February 19, 2022 by Hroth

[The Johnster]

8 hours ago, RJS1977 said:

 

My understanding was that they were applied for D-Day only (certainly no earlier than that, as otherwise the Germans would have cottoned on) in view of the large number of aircraft in the air that day.

I think the Germans had probably taken the hint by mid morning.  I still smile, and completely sympathise with the human reaction of the machine gun post guy reporting that the horizon was black with ships as dawn broke, and when asked where they were headed, said 'for me' (The Longest Day).  The stripes were, I believe, to prevent friendly fire incidents, which is why they were painted both above and below the wings.  But, yes, painted on last minute.

[Steamport Southport]

10 hours ago, ERIC ALLTORQUE said:

The Spanish fire chief called his first born son Hosay,his second was Hose b..............

 

He's a right Juan....

 

 

 

[Steamport Southport]

3 hours ago, The Johnster said:

I think the Germans had probably taken the hint by mid morning.  I still smile, and completely sympathise with the human reaction of the machine gun post guy reporting that the horizon was black with ships as dawn broke, and when asked where they were headed, said 'for me' (The Longest Day).  The stripes were, I believe, to prevent friendly fire incidents, which is why they were painted both above and below the wings.  But, yes, painted on last minute.

 

I don't think that was the only reason. 

 

It was orders to shoot down anything that didn't have them as the Germans (and Allies) quite commonly used captured planes as traps and decoys. Very common on the Eastern Front.

 

ISTR reading that the Germans had something like 1000 captured planes and didn't have any qualms about using them. Sometimes they got German markings but not always.

 

Luftwaffe B17

 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kampfgeschwader_200

 

Some more here and Japanese ones as well

 

 

 

Jason

[CameronL]

8 hours ago, RJS1977 said:

 

Indeed, even as recently as the Falklands, the British task force nearly fired on Vulcan XM607 returning from the first Black Buck raid.

Worse - in the same conflict HMS Cardiff shot down Army Air Corps Gazelle helicopter XX377 with a Sea Dart missile. The official term is "friendly fire". Squaddies call it an "own goal".

[2E Sub Shed]

18 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

ISTR reading that the Germans had something like 1000 captured planes and didn't have any qualms about using them. Sometimes they got German markings but not always.

 

And the Swiss Air Force operated German aircraft.

 

"Later in the war Swiss Bf 109s were to intercept Allied bombers that strayed into their airspace, forcing them to land and be interned. There were rarely problems, but while escorting a B-24, a USAAF P-51D shot down one Swiss Bf 109 and damaged another. The Swiss tried painting their Bf 109s with loud red and white stripes to emphasize the Swiss cross markings, but this was discontinued because then the Luftwaffe mistook them as Allied aircraft painted in invasion stripes"

 

Source : https://weaponsandwarfare.com/2017/08/28/the-swiss-air-force-in-world-war-ii/

 

 

Edited February 20, 2022 by 2E Sub Shed
Spelling

[exmoordave]

The roof of the shed  was damaged by the gales  but my kind neighbour gave me a waterproof cover to use until I could repair it.

Ta Pauline.....

[KeithMacdonald]

An 85 year old lady is waiting for her husband in a cafe.

 

Suddenly, a very handsome man enters and sits down a few seats away. The man is so attractive she cannot keep her eyes off him. After a short time, the man notices her staring and approaches her.

 

Before the lady has time to apologize, the man looks deep into her eyes and says in a sulty tone, "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams. I doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I will do it. For this I want £100 cash. And, there's another condition."

 

Completely stunned by this turn of events, the lady asks him what the condition is.

 

"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

 

The lady takes a moment to consider the offer from the handsome man. She reaches into her handbag and puts £100 in his hand. She then smiles, looks him square in the eyes, and slowly, but clearly says ...

 

...

 

...

 

... "Paint my house."

[grahame]

On 19/02/2022 at 16:38, Hroth said:

 

RN ships weren't the only problem, during the hunt for the Bismark, a flight of Swordfish torpedo planes from Ark Royal decided that HMS Sheffield looked a good enough target*...

 

* Luckily the the Duplex fused torpedos weren't any good and Sheffield escaped being damaged.

 

 

It was rumoured that when the pilots returned to their carrier, they were told about their mistake in attacking the wrong ship. "Didn't you see our own sailors waving?" To which the reply was "oh sorry. I thought it was the Hun shaking their fists at us"

 

 

[F-UnitMad]

2 hours ago, 2E Sub Shed said:

Source : https://weaponsandwarfare.com/2017/08/28/the-swiss-air-force-in-world-war-ii/

 

 

Well that's a rabbit hole! I never even knew the Swiss had an Air Force in WW2!!

[jcredfer]

2 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

Well that's a rabbit hole! I never even knew the Swiss had an Air Force in WW2!!

 

What a coincidental description...   there are many tunnels in the Swiss mountains which double as concealed runways for their aircraft.

 

[Ian J.]

"I just burned 2000 calories, so that'll be the last time I take a nap while the pie's in the oven..."

[NIK]

41 minutes ago, Ian J. said:

"I just burned 2000 calories, so that'll be the last time I take a nap while the pie's in the oven..."

King Alfred the Great arrived at the battle of Edington to chants of "who burnt all the pies?".

[CameronL]

Cast your mind back to 2002. The World Cup is in progress, and football hero David Beckham is doubtful to be in the team because he is recovering from a broken bone in his foot. 

 

The team's physio told him to keep exercising, but in a low-impact fashion. Running through the shallows on  a beach would be the best for him, as the resistance of the water would toughen his muscles and the sand would cushion the footfalls. So, that was what he did.

 

One morning while running his foot struck something in the sand and he sprawled headlong in the surf. He picked himself up and scrabbled around in the water to see what he had fallen over. 

 

It looked like an old oil lamp, covered in sand and with some unreadable writing on it. He wiped it on his shirt to get the sand off and POOF!, a genie appeared.

 

"Greetings, master," said the genie. "I am the genie of the lamp. You are now my master and I can grant you three wishes. Just name it - wealth, beautiful houses, cars - anything your heart desires."

 

"Well," Beckham replied. "I've already got all that stuff. The thing I really need is for my foot to be better so I can play football. Can you heal it?"

 

"No, sorry," said the genie. "There's three things we can't do. They are: change emotions (so I couldn't make someone fall in love with you), harm or kill people, and heal. Even the Great High King of All the Genies couldn't do that. Can you think of anything else?"

 

"I can't think of anything," said Beckham, then an idea suddenly struck him. "I know! Can you restart my wife's music career?"

 

And the genie replied "Let's have a look at your foot."

[KeithMacdonald]

16 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

Well that's a rabbit hole! I never even knew the Swiss had an Air Force in WW2!!

 

I had a similar thought about the Swiss Navy and the Austrian Navy; at first I imagined it was just small boats on Alpine lakes. Then I looked up Georg von Trapp - immortalised as the head of the family in The Sound Of Music.

 

Funny that Hollywood never mentioned what he had really been doing in the "Austrian Navy".

 

Wikipaedia says:

Quote

Trapp was the most successful Austro-Hungarian submarine commander of World War I, sinking 11 Allied merchant ships totaling 47,653 GRT and 2 Allied warships displacing a total of 12,641 tons. His first wife Agathe Whitehead died of scarlet fever in 1922, leaving behind seven children. Trapp hired Maria Augusta Kutschera to tutor one of his daughters and married Maria in 1927. When he lost most of his wealth in the Great Depression, the family turned to singing as a way of earning a livelihood. Trapp declined a commission in the German Navy after the Anschluss and settled in the United States.