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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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On 22/11/2022 at 15:11, CameronL said:

Endless hours of televised sky.

 

Or in the case of amateur golf, endless hours of searching for balls in bunkers/ponds/hazards/farmer's field............

(And I've just collected the club's annual matchplay champion trophy for the third time in 4 years)

Edited by newbryford
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1 minute ago, kevinlms said:

Insurance companies no longer want you to ring up, they want it done online!

 

... and then claim that you didn't give them all the information, but don't bother to contact you to tell you so, until you spend an hour in a phone queue to find out why nothing is happening .

 

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A man has 3 sons, all of whom are lazy and do nothing except spend all day & half the night playing computer games.

 

One day he decides he has given up and tells them that he will give 100 pounds to the one who proves to be the laziest.

 

First son jumps up and yells that he is the laziest and demands the cash.

Second son gets up slowly and says I'm lazier, give me the money.

Third son doesn't move from his game and just grunts, put it in my pocket for me!

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10 hours ago, newbryford said:

 

Or in the case of amateur golf, endless hours of searching for balls in bunkers/ponds/hazards/farmer's field............

(And I've just collected the club's annual matchplay champion trophy for the third time in 4 years)

Only person who found their ball?

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On 23/11/2022 at 00:05, DavidB-AU said:

One of the strangest things I've seen is the look of horror on an American's face seeing rugby league for the first time. The look of incredulity that people could do that more or less without stopping, without armour and without changing the players every couple of minutes.

 

Not unlike the look on US Marines faces when they get shown the Royal Marines training at Lympstone.

 

 

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4 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Not unlike the look on US Marines faces when they get shown the Royal Marines training at Lympstone.

 

 

 

In fairness the USMC are Marines and not Marine Commando trained at that stage. 

 

I worked with them for well over 2 years and it was a good, positive, experience, too.

 

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7 hours ago, jcredfer said:

 

In fairness the USMC are Marines and not Marine Commando trained at that stage. 

 

I worked with them for well over 2 years and it was a good, positive, experience, too.

 

Those that can, do.  I’m merely Retired reg force PO of the RCN.  Unlike the toughs I knew who did some of the special Ops training…I’m thinking of one of my mates, who tried out for CJIRU, the Canadian Chemical Warfare response unit.  He’s a wizard at CBRN, a bit of a PT nut, and failed on the shooting part.  There were others who went off to play with JTF2 that I know…it’s 90% heart for all those sorts of jobs.  Similarly, I worked with a couple of failed prospective SAR techs…hey didn’t know the meaning of the word quit.  PO2 Barrett for sure…

 

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7 hours ago, peach james said:

Those that can, do.  I’m merely Retired reg force PO of the RCN.  Unlike the toughs I knew who did some of the special Ops training…I’m thinking of one of my mates, who tried out for CJIRU, the Canadian Chemical Warfare response unit.  He’s a wizard at CBRN, a bit of a PT nut, and failed on the shooting part.  There were others who went off to play with JTF2 that I know…it’s 90% heart for all those sorts of jobs.  Similarly, I worked with a couple of failed prospective SAR techs…hey didn’t know the meaning of the word quit.  PO2 Barrett for sure…

 

Glossary please

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2 hours ago, newbryford said:

 

Jokes please.

 

 

This may not qualify.........

 

 

 

What do we want?

 

Low-flying airplane noises!

 

When do we want them?

 

 

 

 

Nnnnneeeeeeeeeeoooooooooow!

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1 minute ago, Ian J. said:

I am so much not in the pineapple on pizza camp. I honestly can't understand why people like it. For the record, I hate Marmite too.

🙂

 

Stand by for pictures of Marmite on Pineapple, deep fried in batter in a Scottish fish & chip shop...

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