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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
Message added by AY Mod,

Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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9 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

What's special about the 9th of November?

 

I can't think of anything special, but the US have a habit...  putting the month before the day, which becomes Sept 11.....

 

Perhaps that's what you were referring to.  🙊

 

Edited by jcredfer
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12 minutes ago, jcredfer said:

 

I can't think of anything special, but the US have a habit...  putting the month before the day, which becomes Sept 11.....

 

Perhaps that's what you were referring to.  🙊

 

I would never have guessed - thank you!😁

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10 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

I do wonder why the "Metric is best" advocates don't use the Metric clock or calendar.....

 

They exist.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metric_time

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_Republican_calendar

 

But it isn't a gazetted standard anywhere and unlikely to be so.

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3 minutes ago, Compound2632 said:

 

As in:

Nothing is built in America these days. I just bought a TV and it said “Built In Antenna”.

I don’t even know where that is!

TVs don't need an antenna these days, as you can watch almost anything via the internet on smart TVs.

Still good to have, if your internet dies for any reason.

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24 minutes ago, Giannis Halkis said:

My apologies!

 I thought I had saved it from my favourite car forum.

G.

It was probably there as well. I got it from Classic Art Memes.

277004654_5633491570001462_1528816280340680310_n.jpg.abfedc2bd2db33369fc56d4b48af0378.jpg

Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

Or maybe it's just a conspiracy.

 

Edited by JZ
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6 hours ago, kevinlms said:

Try explaining to Americans or indeed anyone, that the Imperial system is different to the American customary system, which effectively is an old British set of standards, that existed before the UK Imperial system, became standard.

 

True to form, the Americans have 'simplified' some of their measurements (such as 1 [Short] Ton equals 2000 pounds). Most Americans think that 'Imperial' is their standard, but it is not!

And while you're at it point out they aren't using proper units anyway. Everything they use is defined in terms of the metric measurements and has been for a long time. So an inch is just a archaic term meaning 25.4mm.

Edited by AndrueC
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5 hours ago, jcredfer said:

She rails, within, when trying to settle how to divide £1, equally, between three people - and similar none existents.

 

Seemples!

£1 = 240 old pence

240 / 3 = 80 old pence each.

Just tell her it's still some date before 15 February 1971 (Decimal Day).

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What can we learn from hippopotamuses?
1. That you can't lose weight by eating greens and taking exercise.
2. They can run and swim faster than humans. If you are ever up against one in a triathlon, your only hope is in the cycling.

 

 

Edited to say, I am disappointed that nobody has hit the informative/useful button yet.

Edited by JZ
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8 minutes ago, JZ said:

What can we learn from hippopotamuses?
1. That you can't lose weight by eating greens and taking excercise.
2. They can walk and swin faster than humans. If you are ever up against one in a triathlon, you only hope is in the cycling.

 

Can easily beat them in a Biathlon though.

 

I doubt one could pull a trigger or ski!

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6 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

The high water mark of Carry On films was probably the mid-60s.  The late 50s were fairly stilted and formal and the 70s less witty and coarser.  For some reason, my favourites are Carry On Cabbie and Carry On Cleo...

 

The most popular Carry On film was Carry On Up The Khyber.

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1 hour ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Seemples!

£1 = 240 old pence

240 / 3 = 80 old pence each.

Just tell her it's still some date before 15 February 1971 (Decimal Day).

 

Indeed so, 6s. 8d is very much to the point and one of the things that riles her.  It's pre-decimal and works, but her, fantastic, SI system simply can't do it.  It's the lack of a way to do it that's her real problem and difficult to process / simply accept.  

 

.....  and still pack boxes in factors / multiples of dozens...  🫢🤐

 

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5 minutes ago, jcredfer said:

It's pre-decimal and works, but her, fantastic, SI system simply can't do it.  It's the lack of a way to do it that's her real problem and difficult to process / simply accept.  

 

In that case, you like to introduce her to maritime navigation. Where one nautical mile is still one minute of arc, and that is 1/60th of one degree of latitude. And there are still 360 degrees in a circle. Which may all date back to the Sumerian Sexagesimal (Base 60) number system, which is only 5,000 years old. All using "superior highly composite numbers", that combine time, angles, and geographic coordinates, with an elegance and relative simplicity that is completely lacking from SI units.

 

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8 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

The high water mark of Carry On films was probably the mid-60s.  The late 50s were fairly stilted and formal and the 70s less witty and coarser.  For some reason, my favourites are Carry On Cabbie and Carry On Cleo...

 

 

My favourite is Carry On Loving.

 

 My only claim to fame , for a while I was dating the cousin of one of the actresses .

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On 10/10/2023 at 17:18, JZ said:

What can we learn from hippopotamuses?
1. That you can't lose weight by eating greens and taking exercise.
2. They can run and swim faster than humans. If you are ever up against one in a triathlon, your only hope is in the cycling.

..and they are no good at sums involving a right angle?

 

I think that's what I was told at school anyway.

Edited by AndrueC
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8 hours ago, kevinlms said:

It appears that most US built cars, use Metric bolts to assemble them. Even engine capacity of their big V-8s, is increasingly given in litres (or liters to them)!

In the late 1960s when I was the passenger car engine product planner at Ford of Europe, it was decided that our new OHC engine would be used in the Ford PInto to be manufactured in the USA.  I found myself the liaison between Ford of Europe and Ford USA.  I recall the meeting when a German engineer announced to the US engineers that the engine was metric and they would have to source metric nuts and bolts as spares.

Those were the days . . .

Stan

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13 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

The high water mark of Carry On films was probably the mid-60s.  The late 50s were fairly stilted and formal and the 70s less witty and coarser.  For some reason, my favourites are Carry On Cabbie and Carry On Cleo...

 

 

The BFI rated Cleo the best and I have to agree.

 

"Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me."

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