The Forum Jokes Thread

[Nick C]

11 minutes ago, Vistisen said:

I choose to report this post as it is Exactly the sort that is used to identify people passwords by web robots. Do not ever tell people the names of your pets , first girfriends, childhood adresses and mothers maiden names. all of which are often used as security questions. I strongly suggest that those who have answered this post remove their answers  

And a pro security tip - don't use true answers for those questions - either mix them, make them up, or better still, use random strings stored in a password manager. 

 

So for example (all made up!, these aren't one I really use...)

 

Mothers Maiden Name: Wilberforce Road

First Pet: Ford Prefect

First Car: Smith

Road you grew up on: Fido

Favourite Colour: gj59Qewl$:Pq7

 

[Hroth]

22 minutes ago, Vistisen said:

I choose to report this post as it is Exactly the sort that is used to identify people passwords by web robots. Do not ever tell people the names of your pets , first girfriends, childhood adresses and mothers maiden names. all of which are often used as security questions. I strongly suggest that those who have answered this post remove their answers  

 

Its quite easy to post "X Saint Y" responses which are true for a given value of true.  In other words, a sensible person wouldn't actually use the pet names, etc that they use for security questions, but could choose something that might be amusing.  

 

Reporting the post is, I think, rather an over-reaction.

 

[Vistisen]

9 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

Its quite easy to post "X Saint Y" responses which are true for a given value of true.  In other words, a sensible person wouldn't actually use the pet names, etc that they use for security questions, but could choose something that might be amusing.  

 

Reporting the post is, I think, rather an over-reaction.

 

I would like to think you are correct but... https://www.zerofox.com/blog/innocuous-facebook-quizzes-attacker-intel-goldmines/ as for it being an overreaction that, is for the moderators to decide.

Edited June 14, 2022 by Vistisen

[Reorte]

28 minutes ago, Nick C said:

And a pro security tip - don't use true answers for those questions - either mix them, make them up, or better still, use random strings stored in a password manager. 

 

So for example (all made up!, these aren't one I really use...)

 

Mothers Maiden Name: Wilberforce Road

First Pet: Ford Prefect

First Car: Smith

Road you grew up on: Fido

Favourite Colour: gj59Qewl$:Pq7

 

Most of the time they're daft questions anyway, because I can't generally answer them truthfully and I'd be even less likely to remember something made up (although I suppose that's where the password manager comes in).

 

So for example:

Mothers' maiden name: Well, I know that one at any rate.

First pet: Well strictly speaking that cat was my mum's, but I suppose it counts.

First car: What, first one I drove a lot or the first one that was actually mine? Just as likely to remember one as the other.

Road you grew up on: Haha, moved around far too often when I was a child to have a good answer to that. The first one I've any memories of I can't remember the name of. Still, would be more awkward where I live now, where there isn't a name (or a road for that matter).

Favourite colour: Don't have one. Ditto with any other "favourite." There's nothing I could say is my favourite anything with 100% accuracy, unchanging.  And colours are just colours anyway, no strong attachment to any.

 

So for the most part such questions are hopelessly ambiguous.

[AndyB]

It's not like I typed "BOGOF"

 

Edited June 14, 2022 by AndyB

[NIK]

43 minutes ago, AndyB said:

"Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, calories to joules, in the sure and certain hope of the recycling being done with minimal use of non renewable fuels".

[Compound2632]

4 hours ago, NIK said:

calories to joules

 

I loathe the calorie. Not only is it a unit based on the cgs system (anathema!) but it has become ambiguous, being the energy required to increase the temperature of 1 g or 1 kg of water by 1 °C - so quoted values can differ by a factor of 1,000. It's a joke of a unit - and hence on topic.

Edited June 14, 2022 by Compound2632

[PhilJ W]

7 hours ago, Vistisen said:

I choose to report this post as it is Exactly the sort that is used to identify people passwords by web robots. Do not ever tell people the names of your pets , first girfriends, childhood adresses and mothers maiden names. all of which are often used as security questions. I strongly suggest that those who have answered this post remove their answers  

My answer was nothing like my passwords so I'm not worried. 

[33C]

I hope I can get these worms back in the can.......🤪

[Ian J.]

It's easier to get the cat back in the bag...

[33C]

I can see some pigeons for that cat...

[newbryford]

Porn star name.

 

Ian Saint John.

 

But I think that's been used already......................

[PhilJ W]

[aardvark]

Along those lines, Australian rapper Iggy Azalea spent her formative years in my town. Guess which street?!

 

[Sidecar Racer]

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the letters that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

 

By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those ba**ards at the Post Office!

 

 

[kevinlms]

22 minutes ago, Sidecar Racer said:

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the letters that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

 

By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those ba**ards at the Post Office!

 

 

It's an oldie, but always worth a read!

[luckymucklebackit]

[CameronL]

 

I  hear the latest Jurassic World film introduces a new dinosaur called a "Thesaurus ". It eats, ingests, consumes, feeds upon plants, foliage, flora, vegetation.

Edited June 15, 2022 by CameronL
Typo

[Obi-Jiff Kenobi]

Not a joke, but some years ago, after a misunderstanding at work, a rather special young lady drew me a picture of a dinosaur called a Thesaurus. Aah, she was lovely (the young lady, not the dinosaur!).

[BR60103]

(Also posted in the Cats thread)

[RJS1977]

On 15/06/2022 at 21:05, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

Not a joke, but some years ago, after a misunderstanding at work, a rather special young lady drew me a picture of a dinosaur called a Thesaurus. Aah, she was lovely (the young lady, not the dinosaur!).

 

"I don't know any long words."

"Why don't you use a thesaurus?"

"What did I just say?"

[NIK]

Satirist's answerphone message:

 

"I can't come to the phone right now as I'm in an impossible and odious position."

Edited June 17, 2022 by NIK

[KeithMacdonald]

[KeithMacdonald]

Happy Fathers Day!

Here's one little girl who wants the whole world to know how much she loves her Dad. 😀  😇🥰

I wonder what her Dad's reaction will be? 😬🤮  😢

 

[RJS1977]

2 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

Happy Fathers Day!

Here's one little girl who wants the whole world to know how much she loves her Dad. 😀  😇🥰

I wonder what her Dad's reaction will be? 😬🤮  😢

 

 

Peter Seller's son Michael did a similar thing.

 

Peter had taken delivery of a new Bentley and was taking some cine film of Michael sat behind the wheel pretending to be a racing driver, when he spotted a scratch along the bodywork on one side. Peter went indoors to telephone the dealership and came back out to find Michael had painted a 'go faster stripe' over the scratch to 'fix it' and 'make it look like a proper racing car'.

 

Sadly Peter's response was to 'fix' Michael's toy cars by stamping on them :-(