SOS Junction. If anything happens would someone wake me up please..

[eastwestdivide]

Worked at a place where someone would invent vaguely marketing-like terms that didn't mean anything, and then use them profusely in his reports, waiting for someone else to pick one up and use it, rather than ask him what it meant. He got a fair few into circulation that way.

I was never fooled by that - I'd always ask, and quickly cottoned on to the game. I gained a reputation for bringing big strategy meetings into disarray by waiting for "any questions", and replying with something like "well I thought I understood the individual words, but the sentences passed me by". Which was probably what half the people there were thinking, but they didn't want to be seen as stupid.

Nowadays, if I'm ever explaining stuff to people, or giving a talk, I say at the start that there's no such thing as a stupid question, and if you don't understand it, it's because I haven't explained it right, and you need to interrupt me.

[Stubby47]

Ah, meetings, bl**dy meetings.

 

How do you assess them? - on the value of what they achieve/decisions made; on the amount of real working time you've lost; on the ability they offer to meet others you frequently deal with but don't otherwise meet; on the quality or otherwise of the venue; on the quality or otherwise of the meeting room itself; on the quality or otherwise of the tea/coffee and any biscuits; on the quality or otherwise of the lunch (if one is provided); on the amount of amusement or originality, or otherwise, you can derive from the journey to get there/the journey back;  on the quality or otherwise of any overnight accommodation you might need to use in order to attend for an early meeting start; or, most ticklish of all perhaps, the size of the expense account allowed to the person hosting the meeting if lunch involves a visit to a restaurant; or the quality or otherwise of any hostelry etc you might happen to visit with other participants after the meeting ??  

Can I quote you on that?

[The Stationmaster]

Can I quote you on that?

 

Of course you can although whichever items you care to highlight as being of the greatest importance I will leave for you to decide because there is clearly a strong element of personal choice involved.

[vaughan45]

Personally I prefer the 'Mafia' approach, only speak to people individually and where you can't be overheard. Then you can play them off against one another or deny everything. Works far better than Farcebook broadcast messaging.

E. B'stard

 

Edit for sticky 't'

Edited March 14, 2018 by vaughan45

[Mallard60022]

I'm afraid that well into my working life I began to be less tolerant at meetings unless they were top notch. If they were a waste of time I used to try to cause trouble in a very subtle way and then sit back and watch the action. 

At one place I worked, for a short time only thank goodness, there was a Dep't Manager that used to arrange meetings for Friday afternoons. He didn't last long! 

Sadly I suspect some meetings I led were not that brilliant, but that's life and as I wasn't a Manager of anything that important I didn't have to do them very often. However, they were short and to the point and there was always a follow up summary.

However, I generally enjoyed attending training and the occasional Conference and admired the Trainers or Presenters that just had that certain gift of being brilliant.

Phatr

[brianusa]

Well it is March and there's a hare in it too !

 

MadMeeting_2.png

 

D.M.Ormouse

 

Rather Trumpish!

 

Brian.

[Captain Kernow]

Just image what meetings with him must have been like....

It depends on the particular point in my career.

 

Latterly, cantankerous and niggardly to the youthful think-they-know-it-alls and the like. The posher the suits being worn by the grown ups concerned, the more awkward and anal about actual facts (however inconvenient said facts were to whatever it was the grown ups were concocting) I was likely to be.

[St Enodoc]

Ah, bullsh!t bingo time!

 

Had a laugh when I left a page of it in my office team procedure notes file when inspected by Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Probation - he didn't bat an eyebrow when he flipped past it.....seen it all I suppose.  We passed too!

He probably wrote it.

[St Enodoc]

Ah, meetings, bl**dy meetings.

 

How do you assess them? - on the value of what they achieve/decisions made; on the amount of real working time you've lost; on the ability they offer to meet others you frequently deal with but don't otherwise meet; on the quality or otherwise of the venue; on the quality or otherwise of the meeting room itself; on the quality or otherwise of the tea/coffee and any biscuits; on the quality or otherwise of the lunch (if one is provided); on the amount of amusement or originality, or otherwise, you can derive from the journey to get there/the journey back;  on the quality or otherwise of any overnight accommodation you might need to use in order to attend for an early meeting start; or, most ticklish of all perhaps, the size of the expense account allowed to the person hosting the meeting if lunch involves a visit to a restaurant; or the quality or otherwise of any hostelry etc you might happen to visit with other participants after the meeting ??  

All of the above.

[2ManySpams]

Ah, meetings, bl**dy meetings.

 

How do you assess them? - on the value of what they achieve/decisions made; on the amount of real working time you've lost; on the ability they offer to meet others you frequently deal with but don't otherwise meet; on the quality or otherwise of the venue; on the quality or otherwise of the meeting room itself; on the quality or otherwise of the tea/coffee and any biscuits; on the quality or otherwise of the lunch (if one is provided); on the amount of amusement or originality, or otherwise, you can derive from the journey to get there/the journey back;  on the quality or otherwise of any overnight accommodation you might need to use in order to attend for an early meeting start; or, most ticklish of all perhaps, the size of the expense account allowed to the person hosting the meeting if lunch involves a visit to a restaurant; or the quality or otherwise of any hostelry etc you might happen to visit with other participants after the meeting ??  

Spent nearly six hours travelling today for a meeting that almost made three hours. Never quite convinced they are worth it...

[vaughan45]

It depends on the particular point in my career.

 

Latterly, cantankerous and niggardly to the youthful think-they-know-it-alls and the like. The posher the suits being worn by the grown ups concerned, the more awkward and anal about actual facts (however inconvenient said facts were to whatever it was the grown ups were concocting) I was likely to be.

 

As I always said during my audit career 'never let the facts stand in the way of a good recommendation',

Mr Wiseguy

[Peter Kazmierczak]

Re-meetings.

A colleague and I used to try to include a silly word or phrase somewhere (like giraffe or cauliflower) and see if anyone would notice.

[vaughan45]

Re-meetings.

A colleague and I used to try to include a silly word or phrase somewhere (like giraffe or cauliflower) and see if anyone would notice.

 

Also including 'unusual' words or phrases in reports & briefing notes just to check if they were actually being read.

Mad as Cheese

Edited March 14, 2018 by vaughan45

[Middlesea John]

I once got a round of applause at a meeting when I stood up and interrupted a speaker and asked him to stop using TLAs.   He didn't know what I meant.  I said, "Three Letter Abbreviations".   I told him (and obviously most of those present agreed with me) that we had no idea what he was on about.  It worked.

[Clive Mortimore]

Most people do not read the pre meeting notes. This was proved when one of the Human Resources chaps , who I got on with , was given the task of writing the Paternal Leave Policy. I suggested to him that he put in male staff had to give 10 months notice if they wished to have leave when their wife/partner had a baby. He did, it was one of the porter reps who said "Are you sure about 10 months notice?" None of the mangers had spotted it nor had the mid wives representatives. 

 

A job I had when after I stopped being a nurse I worked for a charity, worse job ever. Well one week the boss asked to see me and questioned the amount of work I had done that week. When I pointed out that I had attended five work place meetings in four days, in Stevenage, Basildon, Longport, Hatfield and Basildon again that afternoon. With travelling and sitting there bored out of my mind I didn't have time for client work especially as I still had the minutes to write up for the two meetings she had chaired.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Clive Mortimore

[St Enodoc]

Also including 'unusual' words or phrases in reports & briefing notes just to check if they were actually being read.

Mad as Cheese

I once wrote "The first person to see me after reading this will get five pounds". I didn't have to pay out.

[St Enodoc]

Most people do not read the pre meeting notes. This was proved when on of the Human Resources chaps , who I got on with , was given the task of writing the Paternal Leave Policy. I suggested to him that he put in male staff had to give 10 months notice if they wished to have leave when their wife/partner had a baby. He did, it was one of the porter reps who said "Are you sure about 10 months notice?" None of the mangers had spotted it nor had the mid wives representatives. 

 

A job I had when after I stopped being a nurse I worked for a charity, worse job ever. Well one week the boss asked to see me and questioned the amount of work I had done that week. When I pointed out that I had attended five work place meetings in four days, in Stevenage, Basildon, Longport, Hatfield and Basildon again that afternoon. With travelling and sitting there bored out of my mind I didn't have time for client work especially as I still had the minutes to write up for the two meetings she had chaired.

I once went to a committee meeting where I had to report on a particular project. The chairman asked me to introduce the topic. I replied that as I had circulated my paper beforehand I would save the meeting's time and just take questions.

 

There weren't any...

[Mallard60022]

Re-meetings.A colleague and I used to try to include a silly word or phrase somewhere (like giraffe or cauliflower) and see if anyone would notice.

Oh yes. I loved those

[Mallard60022]

I once got a round of applause at a meeting when I stood up and interrupted a speaker and asked him to stop using TLAs.   He didn't know what I meant.  I said, "Three Letter Abbreviations".   I told him (and obviously most of those present agreed with me) that we had no idea what he was on about.  It worked.

LOL

[Mallard60022]

My best meetings were when I was self employed.

Ar $#

[New Haven Neil]

I once got a round of applause at a meeting when I stood up and interrupted a speaker and asked him to stop using TLAs.   He didn't know what I meant.  I said, "Three Letter Abbreviations".   I told him (and obviously most of those present agreed with me) that we had no idea what he was on about.  It worked.

 

Oh, and how.  I worked for the NHS.....ahem.... a while ago, in the NGH, SOH and SNH hospitals.....and that's just the start of it.  Everything in the NHS..again...seemed to be a TLA.  I ran away from NHS management and came to Fraggle Rock, where I ended up as the office manager of....oh help....the YJT!  Suffice to say I hate TLAs.

 

edit - the Police weren't much better, but often more than three letters were involved - I reported to the Inspector of the MAPPU.  Well it was at least easier than saying the Multi Agency Public Protection Unit!

Edited March 15, 2018 by New Haven Neil

[Stubby47]

From my brief stint in the ambulance service ( admin, not clinical) it was obvious the TLAs were used deliberately as coded messages, to keep the general public uninformed as to the seriousness of any one person's condition ( or reason for that condition).

 

No help whatsoever to a new member of staff though...

 

PS - I've been modelling a bit more...

[GRUNFOS]

Moving on!

 

 

[this is the sort of meeting I sat on during a previous occupation]

 

C. Hair-man

[colin penfold]

Oh, and how.  I worked for the NHS.....ahem.... a while ago, in the NGH, SOH and SNH hospitals.....and that's just the start of it.  Everything in the NHS..again...seemed to be a TLA.  I ran away from NHS management and came to Fraggle Rock, where I ended up as the office manager of....oh help....the YJT!  Suffice to say I hate TLAs.

 

edit - the Police weren't much better, but often more than three letters were involved - I reported to the Inspector of the MAPPU.  Well it was at least easier than saying the Multi Agency Public Protection Unit!

In the Met there was one excellent TLA, used in radio communications. When giving the outcome of a call to the control room, the acronym of LOB was used to indicate that the call was of little substance.

[Stubby47]

edit - the Police weren't much better, but often more than three letters were involved - I reported to the Inspector of the MAPPU.  Well it was at least easier than saying the Multi Agency Public Protection Unit!