Worsdell forever

asked the local gym to teach me how to do the splits. They asked how flexible I was? I told them Tue or Wed would be fine

Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

Well, the 1st months production figures are in. Week 1=8 eggs, week 2=10, week 3=14 and week 4=17 eggs. I calculate that after 1 year my three hens will be laying 161 eggs a week! (Or am I thinking like a politician?)

has detected the unmistakeable whiff of cheesy feet. They must be Boris's.

Botox + Viagra = ?

Has had boil in the bag kippers for tea...

How on earth do you post on "status updates"?

is delighted to announce that she is now Mrs. Dudley!

has enjoyed finalising the menu for our welding reception - four weeks to go, Olddudders!

OK then, what exactly is the attraction of cufflinks?

is off canal boating for a week

Dave, I don't think you should be doing that.................................

Went to see Ken Dodd last night, what a fantastic evening!

virgin media have told us it will take till the 12th to fix our on off internet already had two weeks of it

Who is this new Aussie rising star 'extras', surely he should be batting 4 or 5?

Can anyone tell me what's running on the NYMR today?

Hmrs do the transfers I want in 7mm but don't do them in 4mm. Why don't they produce 4mm lms pre grouping wagon transfers anymore. My old pc models sheet is nearly up & I need more LOTS more.

Umgawa!

It's not a banana, it's the Bolivian navy on manouerves in the South Pacific!

There are n sweets in a bag. Six of the sweets are orange. The rest of the sweets are yellow. Hannah takes a random sweet from the bag. She eats the sweet. Hannah then takes at random another sweet from the bag. She eats the sweet. The probability that Hannah eats two orange sweets is 1/3. Show that n

Only had braces an hour and I sodding hate them already!!

Built a kit, no trouble at all, now sitting swearing at handrail knobs. How do people manage?

I hate plastering, even more than ballasting. Which begs the question, why I am doing it?

Do not text while making love, it's down right rude, and the man will charge you...