RMweb Premium Gwiwer Posted November 22, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 22, 2016 Like a Ferrier Estate Social club. (anybody who knows SE London would get that one) I know it well enough. It's not a million miles from the Chinbrook Estate (similar considerations apply), site of some pre-marital dating exploits . And I know many more of its ilk. There are suburbs here in Melbourne described variously as the armpit or the ar$ehole of the universe. One local insult which requires an elementary knowledge of our toxic arachnids goes that "You are the Funnel-web in the underpants of society" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
waggy Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I have a sort of business card given to a friend of mine by the late George Norton. MY CARD SIR I am something of a BULLSH*TTER myself. But occasionally i do enjoy listening to a Professional like yourself. Please do carry on. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DougN Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Gwiwer, some of the Melbourne suburbs have been allocated new names by the boys in blue (alright it is now black) such as crimebourne...and frankgainstan... there are more but I can't remember them. It's is a bit the same way our DHS is known as the department of human suffering... rather than the department of human services.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Gwiwer Posted November 22, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 22, 2016 Gwiwer, some of the Melbourne suburbs have been allocated new names by the boys in blue (alright it is now black) such as crimebourne...and frankgainstan... there are more but I can't remember them. It's is a bit the same way our DHS is known as the department of human suffering... rather than the department of human services.... Also known thus by many public transport staff. Cranbourne = Crimebong or Crimebourne Craigieburn = Crazyburn Sunbury = Scumbury Sunshine = Scumshine Frankston = Franghanistan And to match the DHS what about the British CPS - the Crown Prosecution Criminal Protection Service Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
2750Papyrus Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 A favourite of mine is to refer to somebody as an Onanist..... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashcombe Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 In rehearsal for "A Christmas Carol" last night, one scene involved "Blind Man's Buff". On being mistaken for a large-handed, unshaven man, a female character exclaimed, "I've never been so insulted in my life!" From the sidelines, I quipped, "You need to get out more!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewC Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I know it well enough. It's not a million miles from the Chinbrook Estate (similar considerations apply), site of some pre-marital dating exploits . And I know many more of its ilk. There are suburbs here in Melbourne described variously as the armpit or the ar$ehole of the universe. One local insult which requires an elementary knowledge of our toxic arachnids goes that "You are the Funnel-web in the underpants of society" Chinbrook. Where the rats once complained to the council about the residents. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium MJI Posted November 22, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 22, 2016 Once, having made a complete airborne-mammaries of a presentation my head of department grandly told me "Well, that got things off to a flying stop". I wasn't too pleased. Mind you, possibly the worst, most dire, insulting and downright un-necessary insult I have ever had levelled at me, having been born in Walsall and coming from a long line of Black Country ancestors, was "Oh, so you're a Brummie". Try saying that to anyone from the Black Country and be prepared to experience the NHS first hand. But to anyone outside the area, anyone from that area is a Brummie, if you have that accent you get labelled. It is one huge area to non locals called Birmingham, Wolverhampton is in Birmingham. People do not know about small differences in an area unless they are from there or live there. Yes I have called Wolverhampton and Walsall people Brummies. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 A couple from me...apologies in advance. Heard this one ages ago, and have used it since. "You should put a condom on your head. 'Cause if you're going to act like a d!ck, you may as well dress like one." One a mate said to another friend. "Your face is the perfect advertisement for abortion." Regards, Matt Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Downendian Posted November 22, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 22, 2016 Some of my favourite put downs from famous comedians Jethro to heckler "I bet your teeth are glad when you're asleep" Blackadder "He's as wet as a Haddock's bathing costume" Neil Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackRat Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I was once asked was I circumsised......... To be told that you have to be a complete pr*ck to do my job! I thought it was very funny ..........tho I'm not sure my crewmate did. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edwardian Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Well, I can offer an exchange of insults. Very many years ago, a friend of mine was romantically in thrall to a young lady called Charmaine (she was Australian). Never, outside the realms of fiction, have I seen a chap so hopelessly in the power of a woman. She knew it too, and blew hot and cold, as they say, to my friend's great torment. On the occasion of his birthday party, she elected to be particularly cruel to my friend by seducing another fellow on the dance floor right in front of him. Later, she sashayed over to see what effect she'd had. My friend introduced me. With an exaggerated sneer, Charmaine turned to look at me and said "How funny, when I was growing up we used to have a dog called James". "Oh", I replied, "when I was growing up, we kept dogs, though we never had a bitch called Charmaine". It was one of those pin-drop moments, then everybody laughed and, ding-d0ng, the witch was dead, and my friend seemed to see her, as if for the first time, for what she was. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG John Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I must admit that I like to tell people that "the silly old bitch I live with is barking mad", which bearing in mind her species, age and what she likes to do, is literally true, although it can take a while for the penny to drop . Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted November 22, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 22, 2016 Also known thus by many public transport staff. Cranbourne = Crimebong or Crimebourne Craigieburn = Crazyburn Sunbury = Scumbury Sunshine = Scumshine Frankston = Franghanistan And to match the DHS what about the British CPS - the Crown Prosecution Criminal Protection Service Hmm, not such a good idea. Didn't a suburban police station 'get done' a while back, for getting made some demeaning mugs? IIRC it was one of the suburbs mentioned. The timing was just brilliant, the police had just announced a policy of better co-operation with minority groups, then these were leaked to the media! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheesysmith Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 You need to come visit my workplace. The banter is what we describe as industrial language. Try these- We call him thrush. Why? Because he is a irritating cxnt. I'm glad you told me your problems. If you want sympathy go see your mother. On a mate asking for his day off to be changed due to a relative dying, I replied " look on the bright side, at least Christmas will be cheaper". On insulting my friend at work, Claude, from a French speaking bit of Africa, a mate said "that's racist", to which I said "yup, it's not because he's black, but because he's French". Will try and remember some of the more printable ones. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wollastonblue Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 My favourite was used on the non PC Table in the pub a little while ago about a rather unsavoury character: "He's a load his mother should have swallowed". Cue fits of laughter around the boozer. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge Dread Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. Mike. A local variation on this one is "If your brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off!" "If brains were taxed, you would be in line for a rebate!" Some I've always liked, "If your lungs were on fire, I wouldn't pee down your throat!". "I could slap you daft but it looks like someone has beaten me to it!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
daltonparva Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 To a bearded chap:- "Just 'cos you've got hairs round your mouth, there's no need to talk like a c**t!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 the good thing about the French is, they eat horses. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wombatofludham Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 But to anyone outside the area, anyone from that area is a Brummie, if you have that accent you get labelled. It is one huge area to non locals called Birmingham, Wolverhampton is in Birmingham. People do not know about small differences in an area unless they are from there or live there. Yes I have called Wolverhampton and Walsall people Brummies. I don't actually have an accent, the comment about "being a Brummie" came after I had told someone I was originally from Walsall, which has never and never will be part of Birmingham - it wasn't even in the same county up until 1974. Actually to many from the Black Country neither Walsall or Wolverhampton (despite what their Councils think) are in the Black Country, my Black Country ancestry comes via my Grandfather who came originally from Darlaston, just the right side of the River Tame to be the Black Country. But they are not Birmingham suburbs either. People from outside areas of proud local identities should be sensitive to local rivalries - I've never lived in the North East but I know never, never to call a Mackem a Geordie. If I have trouble deciphering which accent I'm listening to I ask before blundering in. Ditto "Greater Manchester", where calling anyone not from Manchester a "Mancunian" is an insult to many. It's part of what drives tribal loyalty to football teams, and is one of the last remaining bastions of localism in an increasingly London-centric, homogenised Britain. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
eastwestdivide Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 ...People from outside areas of proud local identities should be sensitive to local rivalries ... On the other side of the coin, people from areas with proud local identities should make allowances for the ignorance of strangers... ...and then mercilessly take the p*** out of them Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gerbil-Fritters Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Genuinely witnessed by my good self, at quite a posh Nottinghamshire Village fete. A friend of mine is quite a literature buff. On hearing that he was reading ' The Way We Live Now', the local vicar asked him, 'How's the Trollope?' 'Fine, ' he replied, 'I've left her at home with the kids.' Same friend, at a a very crowded student party. Statuesque Girl; 'Can I get by?' Friend, looking her up and down balefully, 'I doubt it.' Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Well being born and bred in Wigan and having worked for 40 odd years with "the Gas Board" at the sharp end all over the NW of England, the amount of insults received (and given) over the years would fill Encyclopedia Britannica !!!! The scousers (of course) were the wittiest. I miss the daily "craic" now I'm retired !! Brit15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge Dread Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 To a bearded chap:- "Just 'cos you've got hairs round your mouth, there's no need to talk like a c**t!" Said items are useful, you're not! That would be "the bearded chap" not daltonparva!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Oldddudders Posted November 22, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 22, 2016 "Madam - who does your hair?" Short pause while lady beams. Then "The Council?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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