34theletterbetweenB&D Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 "You are a sack of shit disguised in a human skin." (Refused to stay late in the office to clear up the person's screw up, having well before told said person, just don't even think of doing it that way. On the other hand he was French, and all was calm and well the following morning; such light hearted badinage being completely normal for those of the batrachian persuasion.) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
brossard Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 I had to look up "batrachian" - I'm a bit wiser now. John Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris M Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 It was once said of a friend of mine "He's a hard person to ignore, but well worth the effort." This person now proudly uses this in his profile. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Estate agents: a boil on the backside of humanity. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ngtrains.com Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 21, 2016 "He's a hard person to ignore, but well worth the effort." I can think of a few people that applies to, I shall have to save it for re-use later Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium John M Upton Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 21, 2016 "You're not worth the paperwork..." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 A good source for replies to insults are Comedian's answers to hecklers. My two favourites:- (Ask the person to smile) "That's not a bad set of teeth for an @sshole" "The last time I saw a mouth like yours it had a plastic seat round it". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheatley Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Heard through the wall at 3am one night: "For all the good it's been lately, I might as well have married a blow up doll !" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
royaloak Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 On one of the occasions a passenger informed me that my job is easy, I replied- Yes its so easy a monkey could do it, in fact with a bit of practice you could do it as well I then walked off while he thought about what I had just said! Edit for spellin. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
royaloak Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Heard through the wall at 3am one night: "For all the good it's been lately, I might as well have married a blow up doll !" You dont live next door to me do you? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeeleyBridge Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 I couldn't possibly reproduce all it here, You are a <..............> arrogant,<..............> opinionated, <..............> loudmouthed <..............> obnoxious <.............> <.................> <..............> etc. etc. Thank you, that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day. I cannot say whether I hit him after that or not Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fenman Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 In the middle of a school maths exam; the invigilating teacher walked up to my desk, and stopped. When I looked up at him, he very gently whispered: "do you know, you have the kind of face that makes people want to hit it". And then he silently drifted away. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium uax6 Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 21, 2016 In the middle of a school maths exam; the invigilating teacher walked up to my desk, and stopped. When I looked up at him, he very gently whispered: "do you know, you have the kind of face that makes people want to hit it". And then he silently drifted away. That sounds like one of the infamous invigilation games that gets played. Usually its the like of stand by the one who will end up behind bars/pregnant etc.... Andy G Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Tony_S Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 21, 2016 My son Matthew came home from junior school one day and recalled a conversation with classmate Billy. Matthew "you are as thick as two short planks" Billy "so what, you are as thick as one short plank" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 In the middle of a school maths exam; the invigilating teacher walked up to my desk, and stopped. When I looked up at him, he very gently whispered: "do you know, you have the kind of face that makes people want to hit it". And then he silently drifted away. You might have answered in the style of Oscar Wilde: "Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Headmaster to me, circa 1981... "I can always tell when you're lying... your lips move". I must confess I've used that one a few times since. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahame Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 The first Good Beer Guide had this warning for Watney's - avoid like the plague. It was quickly re-printed although some original copies are still around. Also a local pub guide I have has this to say about one entry - worth a visit if only for the pleasure of leaving again. G. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 did have a school sports teacher describe me as "the thinking mans idiot " after one particulaly wayward attempt at the hammer throw nearly decapitated several of my classmates Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernard Lamb Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 A colleague of mine, as a member of a delegation in respect of lost pensions, to Tony Blair at the time he was PM. You are worse than Idi Amin. Blair looked puzzled until it was explained to him about the chaps Ugandan Asian background. Bernard Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wombatofludham Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 After I managed to trip up over my own shadow once I was told by a member of my family that I was like "a fairy on a gob of lard". My late father did often describe me as looking like "a bag of sh** tied up in the middle" when I was dressed scruffily. Another instance was if I said something sarcastic I'd usually get a riposte "If wit were sh*t you'd be constipated". Another former relative of mine, whose visage was a challenging sight, was described by another member of the family as "having a face like a bosted pit boot". One day I'll write down all the put downs my family have used over the years and call it "My Family and Other Idioms". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold PaulRhB Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 21, 2016 That's very good . . . . . for you! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Tim Hall Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 21, 2016 "I've taken an instant dislike to him, it'll save time later". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium petethemole Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 21, 2016 An old friend used to use "Is that your brain or are you running it in for an idiot?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold grandadbob Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 21, 2016 My favourite was directed at one of our lorry drivers by the yard foreman after he backed his HGV into the diesel pump. "The best part of you ran down your father's leg!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Ramblin Rich Posted November 21, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 21, 2016 One of the best from Blackadder gets used a lot: "who's using the family brain cell at the moment?" My uncle told my brother aged about 12 that he was an embolus; asked for clarification, uncle explained "a bloody clot that gets in the way!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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