Father of the bride speech?

[Nick G]

Help!

 

My daughter gets married on New Years Eve, the thing I am not looking forward to is the father of the bride speech. I can stand in front of my layout at a exhibition and talk all day but this is a completely different experience. Any tips please?

[Ozexpatriate]

Help!

 

My daughter gets married on New Years Eve, the thing I am not looking forward to is the father of the bride speech. I can stand in front of my layout at a exhibition and talk all day but this is a completely different experience. Any tips please?

Bit of a minefield not knowing any specifics like how well you like the groom and how well you like your prospective in-laws.

 

I think if you like the groom, it shouldn't be an awful thing. Keep it short and sweet, wish the happy couple a long and happy life and avoid cliches like "We're not losing a daughter, we're gaining a son".

 

I wondered what Google would find and there is plenty, but be forewarned. I thought the first hit unhelpful. This one is perhaps better advice, but it is full of extra click bait.

 

I bid you all to charge your glasses and be upstanding for a toast to the Father of the Bride.

Edited December 18, 2017 by Ozexpatriate

[njee20]

A couple of anecdotes about your daughter, say how lovely she looks, say how well suited they are (even if you don’t like him) and hand over to the next speaker (traditionally the groom IIRC).

 

Don’t force a funny speech if you’re not naturally funny. Don’t aim for an arbitrary length because Google says it should be 6 minutes or whatever. You have a room full of happy people willing you to succeed. It’s the easiest bit of speaking ever. Relax, don’t get drunk, don’t over think it and enjoy it.

 

And congratulations!

[DOCJACOB]

If you want some advice how not to do it and have a bit of fun, look at Rowen Atkinson solo sketch. Did a set of Vicar, Father of Bride and Best Man in mid 80’s

 

Enjoy the day

[Harry Lime]

Break with tradition, why not have a mother-of-the-bride speech instead? That way, you don't have to worry on the day...

[grandadbob]

Don't leave it to the last minute to work out what you want to say. Write it down and run through it a few times beforehand.  Don't read out the full thing at the reception but just jot down some bullet points on postcards to take with you as reminders. Look at your "audience", speak clearly and smile!  Be prepared for the odd friendly heckler. I knew beforehand who was likely to say something and was ready for him. 

As njee above says they'll want you to succeed and will be on your side.

I found it to be one of the best days and experiences of my life.

 

Good luck!

 

Bob.

[F-UnitMad]

Do what my Bro-in-law did at his daughter's wedding; say all that stuff about how great/gorgeous/beautiful she looks, then say "but so what? So does your Mom!!"

 

Brought the house down!!

[34theletterbetweenB&D]

I am always grateful for brief speeches at the wedding banquet, unless the speaker is genuinely talented. Basic stuff, how lovely she looks, how proud you have always been of her (brief kindly anecdote of how she attempted to make you breakfast in bed at age 6 and forgot to boil the egg, or whatever) and wish the new couple all that is best for the future.

 

 And, you are the representative of the older generation: if there are significantly elderly relatives present they should be acknowledged as adding to the gladness of the day ('how good it is that Beatrix at the grand age of 102 years can be here to see the first of her great great granddaughters married' is one I recall from forty years ago) and likewise acknowledging any who by infirmity are prevented from attending.

[joppyuk1]

My daughter's instructions were - "keep it short, make it funny, don't embarrass me". I managed to get a short poem written and used that. Mind you, it took three months working on it to get the scan correct! One wedding we attended recently had the bride make the 'groom's' speech.

[kevinlms]

One wedding we attended recently had the bride make the 'groom's' speech.

That is going to happen more often now in Australia, as we have now caught up with the rest of the Western world with SSM!

[polybear]

Best one I know went along the lines of:

 

"Being asked to give a speech is a bit like being asked to kiss Princess Anne.  A great honour.....but I'd much rather someone else was doing it...."

[34theletterbetweenB&D]

...One wedding we attended recently had the bride make the 'groom's' speech.

 Education and significant professional careers are surely encouraging this, which has been growing ever since women were legally freed from chattel status.

 

I have heard speeches from all of mother of bride, bride and best woman, instead of the standard male equivalents, but never yet beyond 2 out of 3 at any one event. Oh, and a bride perform the father of the bride's address after he hit the sauce hard and early and rendered himself incoherent. "As my father would probably have said..."

[polybear]

At a friend's wedding (both groom and best man were RAF armourers; the groom had a side line on Tesco home delivery) the groom's speech went along the lines of ".....he must've gone thru' every one of the checkout girls before he found....."

By all account the bride's family were gonna kill him.....

[gwrrob]

Say something along the lines that you maybe losing a daughter but you may be gaining a railway room....

[Nick G]

Thanks for all the pointers and advice, yes I do like the future son in law.

[gordon s]

Depends if you are the type of guy who can get up and be life and soul of the party no matter what or someone who has to work at it. Like you, I had no problem whatsoever talking to a theatre full of people for a new product launch because I was talking about something I knew. We're back to the whole subject of emotional intelligence and those of us who struggle with the concept can often find talking about close family/relationships quite a challenge.

 

It's not that we don't care. Far from it. We care a lot but don't wear out hearts on our sleeves, so find this type of situation tough.

 

Think about your daughter and all the things you have shared over the years. These thoughts may take days to come to fruition, so write them down as they come to you.

 

Don't leave it until the last minute. You may need weeks for these things to come back to you. Write them down and then a week or two before the date start to pull them together. Keep revisiting your thoughts and check with your wife/best mate that what you have written is OK. It should be whatever you are comfortable with.

 

Print it out in large type in case you forget your glasses. Stay sober, although a glass of wine may help you to relax.

 

The words are there on the printed sheet as a guide. Go off piste if you want, but always come back to your notes and the overall structure.

 

Everyone around you will know just how big a deal this is for you and will want you to to succeed. It's not an exam and everyone will want you to do well. If you make a mistake, don't worry. Just laugh about it and relax. You will never have a more appreciative audience and there may be tears. Don't worry, you'll be amongst friends and family and your daughter will be beautiful.

 

I was shocked just how stunning my little girl looked in her wedding dress. It brought a tear to my eye and the moments we shared between us on the way to the church were very special indeed.

 

Just the two of us. Priceless.....

Edited December 18, 2017 by gordon s

[Mike Storey]

I would only add to the above (having had to do this only last year to a hard crowd of Yorkshire folk, for our daughter's wedding) that you should ensure you agree with the best man and the groom as to who will thank the various people who need thanking (and dish out the little gifts and flowers as you see fit). Traditionally, your speech is all about the bride (and groom if you like) and leave the rest to them, but we had to change the batting order because the best man was so nervous and just read a poem.....

 

Don't forget the toast and you will be fine! Good luck and many congratulations!

Edited December 18, 2017 by Mike Storey

[jonny777]

I typed out my full speech on a Word document and then read it over and over again until I almost knew it off by heart (or at least the basic points, which were easy to pad out or not depending how well I thought it was going). The word processing part made it easy to fine tune the speech as the event became closer. 

 

I would run through the speech in my head at any time of the day or night; which certainly makes for a lengthy experience between 2 and 5 a.m. 

 

If you are fortunate you might be able to recall a few mildly embarrassing events which included your daughter at an early age, but I would steer clear of any comments about the groom (his entire family will be there) unless you know they have a decent sense of humour. 

 

Taking a sheet of paper with you with a few general reminders, just in case you are in danger of forgetting anything, is a great idea. 

 

I was very nervous at first, but I believe I relaxed a little after a short while, and the father's speech should not be more than a couple of minutes at most. 

[njee20]

I would definitely suggest cue cards rather than word for word print outs. If you read it out you’ll naturally adopt a much more monotone voice, better to have a few prompts and fill in the gaps yourself (having practised of course).

 

You’ll be fine.

[steve W]

There was a time when in addition to the obligatory how wonderful/beautiful talented/serene etc. she/mother/ others of importance are, it was normal that some cheeky, embarrassing daughter events should be recalled. Personally this is not for me, I see no reason why she should be deliberately embarrassed on her big day and I avoided such references completely.

Both my son in laws are great chaps and at the speech for my first daughter I chose to give him advice on the important things he needed to get right in a marriage - like giving presents. Whilst a saw is undoubtedly a practical and useful gift it will be immediately discarded, but anything with glitter smell and shine, no matter how impractical will always be treasured. The more impractical, the more it will be treasured  four or five minutes of variations on this theme and I was done.

Coincidentally, both father's-in-law are/were railway modellers and although that had nothing to do with our kids getting together, it has been useful subsequently

.

[BR60103]

(On E.R. I mentioned this.) My father had to say a few words at my wedding. Along the lines of "The father of the groom is is one of the least useful positions at a wedding."  Then my grandfather said " If the father of of the groom is unuseful, then the grandfather..."

 

I don't remember if I had to say anything. I definitely haven't said anything since.

[Clive Mortimore]

Nick  it is simple, " I would like to take this opportunity to welcome (Grooms Name) into our family today. Ladbrooks are offering 50 to 1 that you'll do a better job with her (OR can use bride's name but not compulsory) than I did, over to you son." Then sit down, quickly.

[Enterprisingwestern]

Help!

 

My daughter gets married on New Years Eve, the thing I am not looking forward to is the father of the bride speech. I can stand in front of my layout at a exhibition and talk all day but this is a completely different experience. Any tips please?

 

Pretend you're giving a train set away?

 

Mike.

[Horsetan]

Pretend you're giving a train set away?

 

...through gritted teeth?

[tigerburnie]

I didn't write a speech, just a couple of ideas to prompt me if I dried up on a piece of paper that opened out to be about 4 feet long(folded up small), that broke the ice when I said I've written a short speech and then unfolded it.