Stanley Melrose Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I prefer: For rules of toilet tennis, see opposite wall. For rules of toilet tennis, see opposite wall. Stan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Or: In this marble hall, use the paper not the wall. If, alas, there is no paper, behind the seat there is a scraper. Stan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve K Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 If no paper is provided Use your finger, just like I did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 17, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 17, 2015 If no paper is provided Use your finger, just like I did Reminds me of 'Use Tesco Value toilet paper and get in touch with yourself.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted March 17, 2015 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted March 17, 2015 Hear I sit broken hearted Paid a penny and only f**ted 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danemouth Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Hear I sit broken hearted Paid a penny and only f**ted To finish it off .... But my brother he as artful, Got in free and sh*t a cart full Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG John Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 As you're working through just about every variant: Today I got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I'll use single ply loo paper! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewC Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 To finish it off .... But my brother he as artful, Got in free and sh*t a cart full Dave But yesterday I took a chance, saved the penny but sh*t my pants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Now wash your hands, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Welchester Posted March 17, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 17, 2015 Please adjust your dress before leaving. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 My girlfriend asked me if I had ever weed in the shower. I answered, Yes a couple of times, accidentally. She said, Your'e disgusting! What do you mean accidentally? I replied These things happen sometimes when you're having a sh!t. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Welly Posted March 17, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 17, 2015 This thread has really gone down the toilet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Highlandman Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 A man has had enough of city life and all that it entails so he decides to move to the country and buy a farm. After several trips to view some properties he eventually comes across I farm he thinks he will like.Advertised as "Award winning farm situated in the beautiful South Hams of Devon. 200 acres of mixed crops and prized animals. Urgent sale needed."So the guy quickly travels down to Devon and visits the farm as it sound ideal.The old farmer takes him on a tour of the farm and its surrounding land."These are my prize dairy cows" said the old guy, "You'll get plenty of thick cream and fresh milk from them""Here are my show winning laying chickens, they'll give you enough fresh eggs to sell every day and have some for yourself"The city gent thinks this is great, everything seems to be just as he wanted.The last stop was the old guys prize winning porkers which he was extremely proud of."These pigs have won just about every prize in the country including the National Championship.""That's fantastic" said the city gent, "but I can't help noticing that the pig over in the corner has a wooden leg"The farmer replied "That's easy son, when you've got champion pigs this good, you don't eat them all at once." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catweasel Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 KFC use single ply paper. Finger licking good. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PGC Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Depressed? Don't let the bottom fall out of your world, have a vindaloo and let the world fall out of your bottom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Depressed? That reminds me of the time I was driving along a country road in Southern Ontario (Canada) when we came upon a church at the edge of a small town. A large sign was displayed outside which I read as I drove along - and nearly swerved off the road as a result. The sign read: Depressed, Worried, Frustrated? Remember Moses was a basket case once. . . Stan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I like to read something while I'm having a sh!t. This is the reason that I am banned from W.H Smiths. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Latest graffito in a local pub toilet - Edited March 18, 2015 by bluebottle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 From Roger's Profanisaurus (to have) Lynda Bellingham's* fingertips the result of breaching the single ply..... *erstwhile OXO mum who did much cube crumbling. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 18, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) I hear that the threat of the sack has caused Jeremy Clarkson to become depressed so he phoned the Samaritans. When he gave his name they hung up on him. Edited March 18, 2015 by PhilJ W 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Yet again I have a preference: Graffiti: Anyone caught throwing stones at this poster will be prosecuted Stan Latest graffito in a local pub toilet - graffito.JPG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard i Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 my favorate graffiti is in an underpass in Wolverhampton which reads " i will suc u and will ask nuffin in return" I always had the same thought, - it might be worth asking for English lessons in return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 That there is a 'Stairway to Heaven' and a 'Highway to Hell' tells us a lot about anticipated traffic volumes.... 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 But at least there are only '3 Steps to Heaven' on that stairway, on the other hand, it sounds like the highway has recently been upgraded from 'The Road to Hell'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyID Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Two ladies meeting for coffee. One from Kelvinside, Glasgow, the other from Morningside, Edinburgh. Kelvinside Lady: "Och, our rates are just terrible! Do you have big rates in Morningside?" Morningside Lady: "Heavens no! There are no rates in Morningside. Maybe a few small maice, but no rates." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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