The Forum Jokes Thread

[Steamport Southport]

[PhilJ W]

3 hours ago, kevinlms said:

 

 

The death toll as a percentage of the population was very high, indeed the losses of WW1 & WW2 and other wars are less by several factors of magnitude.

 

Yes, I know England also had a Civil War, but by comparison, it has been virtually forgotten.

The English Civil War caused proportionally far greater casualties than the American Civil War.

[pH]

2 hours ago, Alex TM said:

Pedant Mode On! - 'English Civil Wars' - also known as the 'wars of the three kingdoms' - note that there were several of them through the late 16th century into the 17th - Pedant Mode Off!

Since we seem to have returned to this subject, I feel I can comment on this earlier post to agree with it - the description ‘Wars of the three kingdoms’ is much more appropriate since Scotland and Ireland were heavily involved. King Charles I surrendered to a Scottish army besieging Newark Castle, since that appeared to him to be the best option open to him by that time. The Scots then, basically, sold him to the English Parliament.

[jcredfer]

5 hours ago, Talltim said:

Think you are missing the point of the ‘well trained militia’ They aren’t to defend the country, they are to defend the individual states and the people from their own federal government.

That’s the theory. The practice is another matter.

 

That's what I said [about the totally untrained current militia} - Para 2 Lines 3 / 4, I agree with the remainder of what you said, too.

 

Julian

 

[simontaylor484]

4 hours ago, kevinlms said:

The thing is that the American Civil War, was disastrous to the country and so has never been forgotten, so there is a huge mistrust of the national government, especially by the Confederate states.

 

The death toll as a percentage of the population was very high, indeed the losses of WW1 & WW2 and other wars are less by several factors of magnitude.

 

Yes, I know England also had a Civil War, but by comparison, it has been virtually forgotten.

My local.church still has damage from the  civil war yes the English Civil War and my house is well in cannon range if not musket range of Pontefract Castle it's All.Saints Church btw 

[Bernard Lamb]

If this has been posted before I apologies.

I have a good covid joke, but if I post it it will be up to fourteen days before some people get it so I will not bother.

Bernard

[The Johnster]

The wars of the 3 kingdoms were much more dreadful than many school history books would have you believe, not that they are painted in a particularly positive light even in such books.  Our local battle in Cardiff was a relatively minor affair, Parliamentarians besieging Royalist in St Fagan's Castle and fighting it out in the fields just to the north.  The parliamentarians, attacking from the north broke the Royalist line which precipitated a rout; the river Ely is said to have run red with the blood of unfortunate Royalists caught between it and the advancing Parliamentarian line.  

 

What followed was a night of genuine terror as some Royalist managed to escape into the Vale of Glamorgan to the south and west of the river.  With Parliamentarian cavalry hot on their heels, they cheerfully murdered any locals they could find in order to pass themselves off as local peasants.  The Parliamentarians, unable to distinguish between real local peasants and murderous Royalists dressed as local peasants, just as readlly simply slaughtered the civilian population of the eastern Vale indiscriminately just in case they were the enemy, women and children included.  They didn't teach us about that bit in school...

 

This was the norm everywhere; appalling atrocities committed by both sides against anyone who fitted the profile of the enemy, which in practice meant just about anyone.  Civilian casualties were not equalled until the Blitz, and disruption to commerce meant that many died of malnutrition or disease after farm land was salted by one side or the other to deny harvests to the enemy.  The wars of the 17th century in the UK and on mainland Europe seem to have been categorised by a particular brutality at odds with the general zeitgeist of the Enlightenment that was allegedly altering European philosophy at the time, and of course Civil Wars are rarely gentlemanly affairs.

[BR60103]

We were discussing "Best Before" dates in Early Risers.

 

I submit that there should be 3 dates:

Best Before

Adequate Until

Fatal After

 

 

[kevinlms]

10 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

The English Civil War caused proportionally far greater casualties than the American Civil War.

Are you sure, I thought the US was far worse. But it is hard to find out.

[Enterprisingwestern]

1 hour ago, kevinlms said:

Are you sure, I thought the US was far worse. But it is hard to find out.

 

I remember a question on QI asking which war in percentage of population terms was the worst for casualties, and the English civil was the clear winner.

 

Mike.

[KeithMacdonald]

1 hour ago, Enterprisingwestern said:

I remember a question on QI asking which war in percentage of population terms was the worst for casualties, and the English civil was the clear winner.

Mike.

 

Partly true.

 

As already mention by @The Johnster, it was The Wars of the Three Kingdoms.

 

The persistent mistake is completely understandable. Most of us growing up in England, being taught English O'Level History, were not even told the civil wars had extended beyond England. Or that English troops were active in Wales, Scotland and Ireland. Or that some English heroes like Sir Francis Drake were complicit in the murder of hundreds of civilan women and children. Harshest of all may have been the Cromwellian conquest of Ireland. With "free fire" zones, civilian massacres, destruction of food supplies, famine, plagues, forced deportation,

 

But it's a good job this is the Jokes Forum and we can laugh about it now(?).

 

 

 

[Hroth]

16 hours ago, kevinlms said:

The thing is that the American Civil War, was disastrous to the country and so has never been forgotten, so there is a huge mistrust of the national government, especially by the Confederate states.

 

The death toll as a percentage of the population was very high, indeed the losses of WW1 & WW2 and other wars are less by several factors of magnitude.

 

Yes, I know England also had a Civil War, but by comparison, it has been virtually forgotten.

 

What you might also take into account is that the US Civil War finished a mere 155 years ago. Given the conditions and philosophies under which it was fought and the lingering effects that it has on the US today, its not surprising that it hasn't been "forgotten", and it may well live on in family memory. On the other hand, the English Civil War(s) ended nearly 370 years ago so its not surprising that its influence on folk memory is nearly zero.

 

An interesting factoid is that Oliver Cromwell was on the verge of emigrating to the Colonies at the time and that if he had gone, the absence of his charismatic leadership may well have resulted in a victory for the Royalists.

 

Quick someone, find a joke to get the thread back on topic!!!!

[KeithMacdonald]

12 minutes ago, Hroth said:

On the other hand, the English Civil War(s) ended nearly 370 years ago so its not surprising that its influence on folk memory is nearly zero.

 

True, in England, but not the other three countries that are part of the British Isles. With English children being taught their own history in a way that leaves them blissfully and sadly ignorant. Or why some folk in those other countries still do have a folk memory that is still (cough) "less favourably disposed" towards "the English" and nowhere near zero.

 

Quote

Quick someone, find a joke to get the thread back on topic!!!!

 

I concur.

[Hroth]

I completely agree.

 

The only problem with folk memories is that they become the difference between "Send reinforcements, we're going to advance" and "Sent three and fourpence, we're going to a dance".

 

Or Terry Pratchetts analysis of the Battle of Koom Valley...

 

[Sidecar Racer]

 

 Time for a joke .

 

 Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.

 

Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.

 

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."

 

The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog sh**, 20 feet  that way  ".

[Alex TM]

Hi again,

 

Ah, back to jokes .....

 

Do we end the discussion of civil wars here, or start a new thread somewhere else?

 

Regards,

 

Alex.

[rocor]

1 hour ago, Alex TM said:

Hi again,

 

Ah, back to jokes .....

 

Do we end the discussion of civil wars here, or start a new thread somewhere else?

 

Regards,

 

Alex.

 

Though a Civil wars thread could be instigated, one thing to bear in might, would be the subject matter is  obviously going to be very grim.

[Alex TM]

Grim .... a bit like the grey of a covenanter's uniform.

[kevinlms]

2 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

What you might also take into account is that the US Civil War finished a mere 155 years ago. Given the conditions and philosophies under which it was fought and the lingering effects that it has on the US today, its not surprising that it hasn't been "forgotten", and it may well live on in family memory. On the other hand, the English Civil War(s) ended nearly 370 years ago so its not surprising that its influence on folk memory is nearly zero.

 

An interesting factoid is that Oliver Cromwell was on the verge of emigrating to the Colonies at the time and that if he had gone, the absence of his charismatic leadership may well have resulted in a victory for the Royalists.

 

Quick someone, find a joke to get the thread back on topic!!!!

I believe you are getting close to the mark.

 

England was less effected than Scotland, Wales and NI. This was also true of the American Civil War, where the losses in the South were vastly worse than in the North.

This is why in some Southern states the Confederate flag is fairly common, in the North, the current 'Stars and Stripes', is the only flag usually seen.

[kevinlms]

Not really a joke, but it should change the mood!

[Steamport Southport]

[The Johnster]

2 hours ago, rocor said:

 

Though a Civil wars thread could be instigated, one thing to bear in might, would be the subject matter is  obviously going to be very grim.

It's also still pretty divisive, and a dangerous subject to bring up in pubs.  I agree, let's get back to the jokes,  

 

 

[luckymucklebackit]

The big collectable when I was at school was the AB&C American Civil War bubble gum cards, looking at them online now they really were horribly graphic.

 

Jim

[simontaylor484]

4 hours ago, kevinlms said:

Not really a joke, but it should change the mood!

Lovely fetlocks

[CameronL]

5 hours ago, kevinlms said:

Not really a joke, but it should change the mood!

Someone missed the point of bareback riding.