PenrithBeacon Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 1 1 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post leopardml2341 Posted December 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 13, 2020 1 1 21 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 Big John Wayne was having a couple of beers in a local saloon. When he came out he was dismayed to find his horse had disappeared. He shouted to some of the locals at the top of his voice : "I'M GONNA GO BACK INTO THAT BAR FOR ONE MORE BEER. I'LL BE OUT IN 5 MINUTES AND IF MY HORSE IS NOT HERE, WHAT HAPPENED IN ARIZONA IS GONNA HAPPEN HERE ALL OVER AGAIN". He goes back into the saloon, and good as his word comes out in 5 minutes. His horse is back in its place. As he mounts the horse, one of the locals asks : Say John, what happened in Arizona? "I had to walk home" was the reply. JIm 1 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 The Lone Ranger and Tonto have ridden into a box canyon and are surrounded by hostile indigenous natives (rightly expressing their objections towards the oppression of the invading Europeans), cutting off their escape route.. The Lone Ranger says "Looks like we're in a spot of bother, Tonto". who replies "What do you mean 'we', White Man?"m Jim 3 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted December 14, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2020 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium jbqfc Posted December 14, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2020 2 5 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted December 14, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2020 No "groan" button any more so 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post Colin_McLeod Posted December 15, 2020 Author RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted December 15, 2020 1 2 28 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 15, 2020 Share Posted December 15, 2020 15 hours ago, J. S. Bach said: No "groan" button any more so Good - I'll get this one posted before it comes back 2020 version of the Nativity Joseph and Mary are at Bethlehem. They have to make an Xmas conference call with the shepherds and the Wise Men but they can't. There is no zoom at the Inn. Jim 4 9 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dickon Posted December 15, 2020 Share Posted December 15, 2020 Patrick and Michael were enjoying a few pints of Guinness when Michael said ' That was a really great horse that you recommended last week. It was so good that it took twelve others to beat it!' 1 1 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post PenrithBeacon Posted December 15, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 15, 2020 2 5 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted December 15, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 15, 2020 A teacher puts a photograph of a Tomcat on the blackboard and proceeds to ask the class “if they can tell her how the tail is attached to the cat?” Little Mary has the first attempt and answers, “By fur Miss?” The teacher replies “Not quite right Mary, but a good try.” Meanwhile all during the lesson, Little Johnny is sitting down the back raising his hand in the air saying “Me, Miss! Me, Miss!” The next student the teacher picks is Peter, and he answers, “Is it attached by skin Miss?” The teacher replies. “Not quite right either, Peter, anybody else wants to try?” Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny. She said to Johnny “What do you think the tail is attached by?” Johnny replied, “Judging by the size of those nuts on the cat I’d say it would have to be bolted on!” 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted December 15, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 15, 2020 Okay , we've had Elf on a shelf . Now this . 4 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post peanuts Posted December 15, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 15, 2020 1 23 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 14 hours ago, Sidecar Racer said: Okay , we've had Elf on a shelf . Now this . BUT. THEY'RE, NOT. MAINTAINING. SOCIAL. DISTANCING!!! 1 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted December 16, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 16, 2020 9 hours ago, peanuts said: Just as well he didn't have 3 sisters, Claire, Ursula,,,,,,,,,well, you get the idea! Mike. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 14 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 DELIVERY DRIVER WANTED - Start Christmas Eve, finish early Christmas Day morning, multi drop delivering kids toys, unrestricted wagon, speed limit, tachograph, working time directive and drink driving regulations exempt. Uniform provided, no wages but all the whiskey and mince pies you can eat! Apply to Father Christmas, North Pole, Lapland. 2 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted December 17, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 17, 2020 Why can't Father Christmas catch coronavirus? He has Santabodies...... What do his elves use to clean their hands? Santatiser (I'll get me coat) 6 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PenrithBeacon Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 2 1 13 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 The Missing Groan is sorely missed.... 9 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted December 18, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 18, 2020 37 minutes ago, Hroth said: The Missing Groan is sorely missed.... Otherwise it would be there?!! Mike. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Bernard Lamb Posted December 18, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 18, 2020 Admiral Villeneuve was in command of the French and the Spanish fleets during the Napoleonic wars. October 1805 and his flag ship, Bucentaure, docked in Cádiz and the crew were granted shore leave. Word got to the ship that the British fleet were approaching and he had to set sail at the rush. He consulted his First Lieutenant to establish the best way to call his men back to the ship who suggested raising flags to communicate the message. Villeneuve didn’t want to warn the British that he was aware of their presence so he decided to code the message but make it meaningful. So, it was decided to send the message ……. To the water, it is the Hour. Of course, it was in French…. A l’eau cest l’heur As assumed, the British were all eyes and spotted the message. Admiral Nelson asked his yeoman to read the message. Through a telescope, Yeo read the flags and hesitated. “Come on, spit it out” shouted Nelson. Yeo replied. “Sir, it reads – ‘ello Sailor Bernard 4 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 On 17/12/2020 at 10:56, newbryford said: Why can't Father Christmas catch coronavirus? He has Santabodies So he won't be a burden on The National Elf Service? (Where's the Groan button when you really need it?) 1 1 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PenrithBeacon Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 1 5 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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