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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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Ethel reminds me of an ancient saying. 

 

We were all feeling mary. When mary left we all jumped for joy. When joy left we all went to the gas station to pump ethel. 

 

sorry, not sorry. 

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4 minutes ago, tomparryharry said:

 

A wonderful album, Selling England by the 453.592 grams. 

 

Knights of the Green Shield stamp and shout.

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4 hours ago, AndrewC said:

Ethel reminds me of an ancient saying. 

 

We were all feeling mary. When mary left we all jumped for joy. When joy left we all went to the gas station to pump ethel. 

 

sorry, not sorry. 

Another one I've checked out, 'cos it's old as the hills, but no result, so here goes (with additions) - 

 

The Seven Dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy, but Happy got out, which made them feel grumpy. Then Grumpy got out but the heat of the bath made them feel sleepy and dopey. This made Sleepy and Dopey feel bashful. Bashful enjoyed it so much that he stayed in so long that the water went cold and everyone felt sneezy. Sneezy said he needed a doc, but Doc said that he wasn't that kind of a dwarf.

Edited by CameronL
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12 minutes ago, CameronL said:

Another one I've checked out, 'cos it's old as the hills, but no result, so here goes - 

 

image.png.f92017ba096160072ed519e7d4d20df3.png

 

Here's a "clean" "Mary"...

 

Mary had a little lamb

It was so risk averse

'till it skipped across a country lane

and wound up in a hearse.

 

Mmmmmmmmmm  Mint Sauce!!!

 

  

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15 hours ago, LimboBrit said:

Mary had a little lamb

She also had a bear

I've often seen her little lamb

but I've never seen her bear

 

Reminds me of one of  Tony Hawks's books (I think "Beating the Molodovans at Tennis") where he recounts having a meal in a restaurant in Romania with a beautiful Romanian actress when he noticed bear meat on the menu.

 

His question "Have you ever eaten bear in a restaurant?" didn't quite get the sort of response he was expecting!

 

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On 09/07/2021 at 08:17, RJS1977 said:

 

Reminds me of one of  Tony Hawks's books (I think "Beating the Molodovans at Tennis") where he recounts having a meal in a restaurant in Romania with a beautiful Romanian actress when he noticed bear meat on the menu.

 

His question "Have you ever eaten bear in a restaurant?" didn't quite get the sort of response he was expecting!

 

It's Tony Hawkes, Tony Hawk is a professional skateboarder but it's a very common mix up. Appearently they used to both have links on their websites saying "If you were looking for the American skateboarder, click here" and "If you were looking for the British writer and comedian, click here" :lol:

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5 hours ago, Binky said:

It's Tony Hawkes, Tony Hawk is a professional skateboarder but it's a very common mix up. Appearently they used to both have links on their websites saying "If you were looking for the American skateboarder, click here" and "If you were looking for the British writer and comedian, click here" :lol:

 

Jon Holmes the comedian used to have something similar.....

 

Along the lines of "If you are looking for the adult movie actor with the huge XXXX click here!"

 

 

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7 hours ago, Binky said:

It's Tony Hawkes, Tony Hawk is a professional skateboarder but it's a very common mix up. Appearently they used to both have links on their websites saying "If you were looking for the American skateboarder, click here" and "If you were looking for the British writer and comedian, click here" :lol:

 

No, it's Tony Hawks (no 'e'), which is what I put....

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4 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

Only a year til the next one....

 

:laugh:

 

And remember, in 11 days time the Olympics begin.  We've got two weeks of that to endure too.

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9 minutes ago, Dickon said:

Mary had a little lamb

She ate it with mint sauce

And everywhere that Mary went

The lamb went too, of course

 

For a little while, naturally.....

 

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