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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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On 26/06/2022 at 17:00, Chris116 said:

With all this talk about days getting longer or shorter can I point out that every day is the same length, 24 hours!😇

 

Every year there are two days that not 24 hours without being even remotely pedantic, they being 23 and 25 hours respectively.  On each occasion I like to post "It's a short/long* day today" and see if anyone bites with the "its 24 hours like every other"  response...

 

*delete as applicable

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25 minutes ago, Titan said:

 

Every year there are two days that not 24 hours without being even remotely pedantic, they being 23 and 25 hours respectively.  On each occasion I like to post "It's a short/long* day today" and see if anyone bites with the "its 24 hours like every other"  response...

 

*delete as applicable

What days are you referring to?

 

PBM

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18 minutes ago, Titan said:

 

Every year there are two days that not 24 hours without being even remotely pedantic, they being 23 and 25 hours respectively.  On each occasion I like to post "It's a short/long* day today" and see if anyone bites with the "its 24 hours like every other"  response...

 

*delete as applicable

Well, if you want to start getting pedantic, the length of a day is not constant at all - in fact it's slowing down by a rate of 1.7 milliseconds per century!

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1 hour ago, Nick C said:

Well, if you want to start getting pedantic, the length of a day is not constant at all - in fact it's slowing down by a rate of 1.7 milliseconds per century!

No wonder my watch is never right!!🤨

 

Mike

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11 minutes ago, proton said:

Ah, but not if you go by UTC.

 

Ah, but even then you get the occasional 30 June or 31 December that is one second longer, though this is currently under review, as being a hazard to navigation.

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My youngest just came downstairs from watching tv in his room and said. “Dad, what’s love juice?”

I nearly choked on my brew but thought I’d better be honest so I said “well son, when a woman gets sexually excited her xxxxxxx gets wet, that’s called love juice”

He just stared at me shocked and bewildered so I said “why? What is it you’re watching up there?”

“Just Wimbledon Dad” he says

Edited by D-A-T
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7 hours ago, andytrains said:

If he wins he is British, if he looses he is Scottish!😉

 

Given the age he now is and the particular, performance limiting, injuries he has had, If he looses he is Scottish and if he wins, I'm going to have to consider that miracles might be something other than co-incidence.

 

 

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1 minute ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

Loves Scotland, apparently hates England, wants "Freedom!" and lives in a lovely part of Scotland called Surrey....

 

 

😛

 

A bit like how someone that wants Scottish Independence, but is quite willing to put forward a bid for hosting the Eurovision Song Contest on behalf of the United Kingdom...............

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12 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

Loves Scotland, apparently hates England, wants "Freedom!" and lives in a lovely part of Scotland called Surrey....

 

 

😛

 

Like all those famous Scousers who flee Liverpool once they've got a spot of cash, even if it's only for the Wirral...

 

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On 30/06/2022 at 23:04, Steamport Southport said:

 

Loves Scotland, apparently hates England, wants "Freedom!" and lives in a lovely part of Scotland called Surrey....

 

 

😛


To quote Dylan Thomas ‘Wales, the land of my fathers.  My fathers can ‘ave it’!

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1 hour ago, The Johnster said:


To quote Dylan Thomas ‘Wales, the land of my fathers.  My fathers can ‘ave it’!

But he was standing in Splott when he said it !!!

 

Coat, Hat going now.

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