The Forum Jokes Thread

[Hroth]

9 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

On the window sill, and it drops down the back of the radiator

On the sink, and it rolls into the drain

On a chair, and your dog grabs it and runs off with it

On the floor, and somebody kicks it under the sofa

 

And the perennial favourite "The dog ate it..."

 

Although I think I saw a new one yesterday, "The rabbit ate some of the reciept"

 

9 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

Some of those West Country conversions were amazing. Not sure if this one is Agnetha, Björn, Benny or Anni-Frid. But I think it looks like Benny.

 

 

 

Can't be Benny, where's his woolley hat?

 

 

 

Edited August 18, 2022 by Hroth
Addition and a minor keyboard error...

[sir douglas]

[APOLLO]

New in the Airfix soldiers series -- The modern Russian Army

 

 

Brit15

[KeithMacdonald]

On 17/08/2022 at 21:01, Titan said:

 

I did not know West Countries had Pantographs.  Was it like one of those Swedish conversions?

 

12 hours ago, Hroth said:

Some of those West Country conversions were amazing. Not sure if this one is Agnetha, Björn, Benny or Anni-Frid. But I think it looks like Benny.

 

I've jusr remembered Agnetha, Björn, Benny and Anni-Frid liked the West Countries so much, they used to go to one particular London Station just to watch them.

 

And they loved that so much they wrote a special song about it.

 

Can you guess what it is yet?

[PhilJ W]

To Be 8 again!

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was

looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not

far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of

Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He

put her on every ride in the park; the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller

Coaster, the Death Slide, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling

and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he

ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy,

M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear,

what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you flaming retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it

wrong.

 

[Hroth]

11 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

I've jusr remembered Agnetha, Björn, Benny and Anni-Frid liked the West Countries so much, they used to go to one particular London Station just to watch them.

 

And they loved that so much they wrote a special song about it.

 

Can you guess what it is yet?

 

Dunno.  I was defeated.....

 

[CameronL]

12 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

 

I've jusr remembered Agnetha, Björn, Benny and Anni-Frid liked the West Countries so much, they used to go to one particular London Station just to watch them.

 

And they loved that so much they wrote a special song about it.

 

Can you guess what it is yet?

 

1 hour ago, Hroth said:

 

Dunno.  I was defeated.....

 

Was it "Knowing Me, Knowing Euston?".

Edited August 19, 2022 by CameronL
Typo

[NIK]

On 19/08/2022 at 09:30, CameronL said:

 

Was it "Knowing Me, Knowing Euston?".

Ah ha.

[CameronL]

53 minutes ago, NIK said:

Ah ha.

"Can I get a train to Crewe?"

[Hibelroad]

They wrote a song about their favourite meal, chippy tea time. 

[CameronL]

3 minutes ago, Hibelroad said:

They wrote a song about their favourite meal, chippy tea time. 

I thought it was Chicken Tikka.

[Vistisen]

This game of making puns out of Abba songs, does it have a name?

[CameronL]

12 minutes ago, Vistisen said:

This game of making puns out of Abba songs, does it have a name?

Punny, Punny, Punny?

Edited August 20, 2022 by CameronL

[NIK]

43 minutes ago, Vistisen said:

This game of making puns out of Abba songs, does it have a name?

Abbaration?.

[33C]

5 minutes ago, NIK said:

Abbaration?.

Hmm, what's the name of the game?

[pH]

Abba Didea.

 

[great central]

Couldn't think of anywhere else appropriate to put this, but on my way home from holiday yesterday I picked up a sandwich in Sainsburys to eat while driving. 

It sounded promising, steak and caramelised onion, and was reduced to 79p, but tasted slightly odd. Not bad in any way just odd.

It was only when I read the rest of the label did I realise why.

It includes GRAVY MAYONNAISE🤢

Now whoever thinks gravy mayonnaise sounds right, let alone put it in a sarnie must be having a joke?

[kevinlms]

8 hours ago, great central said:

Couldn't think of anywhere else appropriate to put this, but on my way home from holiday yesterday I picked up a sandwich in Sainsburys to eat while driving. 

It sounded promising, steak and caramelised onion, and was reduced to 79p, but tasted slightly odd. Not bad in any way just odd.

It was only when I read the rest of the label did I realise why.

It includes GRAVY MAYONNAISE🤢

Now whoever thinks gravy mayonnaise sounds right, let alone put it in a sarnie must be having a joke?

Sounds like American 'gravy & biscuits', whatever that is - not that I want to know!

[Ian J.]

Which is better, Gravy Mayonnaise, or Gravity Mayonnaise (which is how I read it)...?

 

Also, gravity and biscuits, which can be a bit crumby...

 

😉

[Hroth]

4 hours ago, kevinlms said:

Sounds like American 'gravy & biscuits', whatever that is - not that I want to know!

 

We used to give that to the dog, the gravy softened the Winalot quite nicely!

 

[CameronL]

5 hours ago, kevinlms said:

Sounds like American 'gravy & biscuits', whatever that is - not that I want to know!

An American "biscuit" is a soft, flattened bread roll (here int' North West  we'd call it a barmcake). The gravy is made from meat juices and dripping, possibly with meat such as sausage or mince included, with flour and milk. It's more of a white sauce than a gravy.

 

So, it's really "saucy barmcakes". 

 

If you order it in the States you usually get two biscuits and enough gravy to cover them. With a side of fries it's a coronary on a plate.

[andytrains]

23 hours ago, NIK said:

Abbaration?.

That's not happening with all the greedy unions!🤑

[Compound2632]

32 minutes ago, andytrains said:

That's not happening with all the greedy unions!🤑

Shapps, I gather.

[newbryford]

So good, it needs repeating here:

 

[DavidB-AU]

11 hours ago, CameronL said:

An American "biscuit" is a soft, flattened bread roll (here int' North West  we'd call it a barmcake). The gravy is made from meat juices and dripping, possibly with meat such as sausage or mince included, with flour and milk. It's more of a white sauce than a gravy.

 

I liken American "biscuits" to a slightly more bready version of a scone. And in my experience the "gravy" is mostly sausage fat and burnt bits with a little thickening. I could feel my arteries hardening just looking at it. Even worse is "red eye gravy" which is literally just rendered bacon fat mixed with coffee (not even good coffee but that American stuff they brew for hours, after which I'm convinced they strain through an old sock).