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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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54 minutes ago, SHMD said:

I always thought those kind of hats were called "IQ reducers"...

 

...although, i this case, I don't think there would be much need for them!

 

I'll float a conspiracy theory: Trump is a deep state plot to reduce the populace to imbecility. (Seems to be working.)

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2 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

 

I'll float a conspiracy theory: Trump is a deep state plot to reduce the populace to imbecility. (Seems to be working.)

 

Maybe not the only one to be floated, how about - 

https://newrepublic.com/article/150646/young-trump-went-russia#:~:text=On July 4%2C Trump flew,wife had stayed in 1917. 

 

... and a few Top Secret Gov't documents kept after he left the White House.

 

Edited by jcredfer
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9 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

I thought politics was banned on here? 

 

 

I apologise if I was not clear in my intention.  I was not intending to make a political statement, just how much of a joke Trump might be, with no political statement intended, just his personal behaviour.  Rather similar to when he was at his first Heads of Gov't{?} meeting and stated that he had achieved more in 6 months than any other President had ever done in any complete Term, in the history of the USA.  It was such a ridiculous claim that the whole meeting of Heads of International Governments, broke out into open scornful laughter.  

 

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Bob, a keen modeller met Stan, a fellow member of his club outside a pub. Stan was looking very glum, so Bob offered to buy him a drink.

 

When they'd got their drinks and found a seat, Bob asked "So, why the long face?"

 

"It's SWMBO," replied Stan. "She says she's got fed up with me modelling."

 

Bob was horrified. "Fed up! Why?"

 

"She says I spend too much money on it, too much time in the shed or away with my exhibition layout, I never take her out etc.etc. She says if I don't do something she'll leave me."

 

"So what are you going to do?" Bob asked.

 

Stan replied "Well, obviously I'm going to miss her."

 

(Adapted for the wonderful world of railway modelling from "I'm Gonna Miss Her (The Fishin' Song)" by Brad Paisley).

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Which is better - to have a wife or a mistress?

Wife, says the doctor: someone who will look after you when you're ill...

Mistress, says the lawyer: no legal complications...

Both, says the railway modeller: the wife thinks you're with the mistress, the mistress thinks you're with the wife, so you can go down the shed and run some trains. As for those unexplained expenses on the credit card...

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7 minutes ago, JZ said:

376267308_10227404200588630_4409445845500555591_n.jpg.266467aa3d6c3db62879361cd1241b9d.jpg

 

About Mary Anning who did sell seashells on the seashore which is now the Jurassic Coast. Quite a lucrative trade at the time as the gentlemen whom bought them couldn't really be seen looking for fossils as it be seen to be labouring.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Anning

 

 

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8 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

About Mary Anning who did sell seashells on the seashore which is now the Jurassic Coast. Quite a lucrative trade at the time as the gentlemen whom bought them couldn't really be seen looking for fossils as it be seen to be labouring.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Anning

 

 

 

Not all of them; Roderick Murchison, one of the founding fathers of geology and a leading light of his day, was more than happy to accompany her on her fossil-hunting trips, and learned much from her.  She was a remarkable woman, self-educated and working-class, and corresponded with the likes of Darwin and the British Museum, and is credited with several important theoretical discoveries in Palaentology as well as her fossils, some of which were of great scientific importance, especially the Icthyosaur, which is still shown at the British Museum.

 

Not that lucrative either; her family lived in poverty (and her brother gave up the fossil trade to become a cabinet maker), as she did herself until she was granted a Crown pension, lobbied for by her scientific associates.

 

I've got a lot of time for Mary Anning.

Edited by The Johnster
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32 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

One of the recurring jokes is people complaining about the jokes.😉

 

 is this a joke ?

 

 

Kev.

;)

 

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5 hours ago, The Pilotman said:

900 pages of the Forum Jokes Thread!! Sadly that doesn’t equate to 900 pages of jokes 🙄

It's probably about -

250 pages of jokes

50 pages of funny replies to jokes

100 pages of unfunny replies to jokes

100 pages of political digression

100 pages of historical digression

100 pages of other general digression

50 pages of postings saying "I thought this was supposed to be the Jokes thread."

20 pages of repeated jokes 

20 pages of posts saying "Didn't we see that joke on page ...?"

40 pages of posts that were put on the thread by mistake.

40 pages of  apologies for posting on the wrong thread

50 pages of random pictures of trains

 

I wonder how long it will be before some rivet counter posts to say that lot doesn't add up to 900.

 

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39 minutes ago, CameronL said:

It's probably about -

250 pages of jokes

50 pages of funny replies to jokes

100 pages of unfunny replies to jokes

100 pages of political digression

100 pages of historical digression

100 pages of other general digression

50 pages of postings saying "I thought this was supposed to be the Jokes thread."

20 pages of repeated jokes 

20 pages of posts saying "Didn't we see that joke on page ...?"

40 pages of posts that were put on the thread by mistake.

40 pages of  apologies for posting on the wrong thread

50 pages of random pictures of trains

 

I wonder how long it will be before some rivet counter posts to say that lot doesn't add up to 900.

 

That's more than 900 well done for the white text! I salute you, sir

Edited by Vistisen
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