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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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10 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

On RMWeb, I know this might be dangerous ....

but I'm not going to post this on the HS2 topic.

Oh no, no way.

There's dangerous, and then there's suicidal...

 

Live scenes from HS2 north of Birmingham:

 

image.png.e3578f9d5b11895c06ada415cde3593a.png

 

 

The Rev Awdry was very prescient....  🤔

 

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10 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

On RMWeb, I know this might be dangerous ....

but I'm not going to post this on the HS2 topic.

Oh no, no way.

There's dangerous, and then there's suicidal...

 

Live scenes from HS2 north of Birmingham:

 

image.png.e3578f9d5b11895c06ada415cde3593a.png

 

Something about HS2 that's made me laugh rather than my blood boil, well done!

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For Christmas one year, David Bowie and his wife decided to have a break in the English countryside. They found a lovely country house hotel in Herefordshire, on the banks of the River Wye: five stars, Michelin three-star restaurant. It seemed perfect.

 

It wasn't the easiest of trips to get there. Britain was in the grip of a cold spell. The roads were covered in snow and ice, and when they got to the hotel they saw that the river had frozen over. 

 

After checking in and unpacking their bags they wandered down to the residents' lounge for a drink. 

 

But they couldn't find the barman. Bowie went out to the reception desk and asked where he was.  The receptionist led him to the front door and pointed towards the river. There was a figure  out on the ice, gliding backwards and forwards, spinning and leaping effortlessly on the frozen surface.

 

"What's he doing?" the Thin White Duke asked.

 

And the receptionist sang ....

 

"There's the barman, skating on the Wye!"

 

(I plead guilty and throw myself on the mercy of the court).

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2 hours ago, CameronL said:

For Christmas one year, David Bowie and his wife decided to have a break in the English countryside. They found a lovely country house hotel in Herefordshire, on the banks of the River Wye: five stars, Michelin three-star restaurant. It seemed perfect.

 

It wasn't the easiest of trips to get there. Britain was in the grip of a cold spell. The roads were covered in snow and ice, and when they got to the hotel they saw that the river had frozen over. 

 

After checking in and unpacking their bags they wandered down to the residents' lounge for a drink. 

 

But they couldn't find the barman. Bowie went out to the reception desk and asked where he was.  The receptionist led him to the front door and pointed towards the river. There was a figure  out on the ice, gliding backwards and forwards, spinning and leaping effortlessly on the frozen surface.

 

"What's he doing?" the Thin White Duke asked.

 

And the receptionist sang ....

 

"There's the barman, skating on the Wye!"

 

(I plead guilty and throw myself on the mercy of the court).

????

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32 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

I think you need to know David Bowie songs to get it!

 

Only liked one song by him. I think there might have been something consumed!

 

I know the name but (thankfully) have never knowingly listened to any of his carp fish.

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10 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

I know the name but (thankfully) have never knowingly listened to any of his carp fish.

 

That song isn't typical of his music. It was a comic song released in the late 1960s.

 

There was a bit of a trend for comedy songs at the time, some of them were the biggest hits of the era such as Ernie by Benny Hill.

 

This was the number one record in the UK for four weeks!

 

 

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6 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

That song isn't typical of his music. It was a comic song released in the late 1960s.

 

There was a bit of a trend for comedy songs at the time, some of them were the biggest hits of the era such as Ernie by Benny Hill.

 

This was the number one record in the UK for four weeks!

 

 

 

 

I believe that "Laughing Gnome" was referred to as Bowies "Anthony Newley" period...

 

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27 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

 

 

22 minutes ago, steve1 said:

 

Is he mentally unstable, merely a total prat or just extracting the urine?

 

steve 

 

20 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

All of the above? Funny that he is Scottish and not a MAGA hat wearer!

 

I'd say that he's a fine example of "Your Brain On Buckfast".  Not a pretty sight.....

 

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On 26/09/2023 at 23:27, KeithMacdonald said:

On RMWeb, I know this might be dangerous ....

but I'm not going to post this on the HS2 topic.

Oh no, no way.

There's dangerous, and then there's suicidal...

 

Live scenes from HS2 north of Birmingham:

 

image.png.e3578f9d5b11895c06ada415cde3593a.png

 

That's Cecilia being buried between Old Oak and Euston just in case Rishi changes his mind re Euston

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On 25/09/2023 at 12:00, PhilJ W said:

 

Whether you go back ten minutes or ten thousand years if you alter the present who is to know? An ideal time machine would be one where you could be able to view the past without being present or being able to alter events. This would be an ideal tool for historians and archaeologists and even for police investigating crimes. 

 

I have a theory that most UFOs are time machines, charter trips from the future to see the past, strict rules that you mustn't interact.  The spike in sightings in the 1960s was due to large numbers of future railway enthusiasts wanting to see the last years of steam!

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