KeithMacdonald Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 10 hours ago, Titan said: Is this the time travel joke? 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 21 hours ago, newbryford said: Does anyone know a joke about a computer trying to pay in a car park? That would kill three birds with one stone! 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JZ Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWJ Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 46 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: That would be an ecumenical matter. Drink! "Yes!" 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Reorte Posted October 4, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 4, 2023 1 hour ago, Night Train said: Suits me! Quite happy to not increase rushing around! 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 4 hours ago, CameronL said: Even when you try to drag "The Forum Jokes Thread" back, kicking and screaming, to actually having a joke in it, you get diverted into an existential crisis. Can't win... Kicking and screaming? Wouldn't it be more sensitive and productive to lead the thread back on course gently by the hand? 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 6 minutes ago, Hroth said: Kicking and screaming? Wouldn't it be more sensitive and productive to lead the thread back on course gently by the hand? It would seem possible that even the more vociferous of posters might be distracted by such an attention grabbing personal approach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted October 4, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 4, 2023 At this rate I shall have to buy another pack of Penguin biscuits! 1 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted October 4, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 4, 2023 13 minutes ago, Chris116 said: At this rate I shall have to buy another pack of Penguin biscuits! Cue a penguin joke. A penguin was driving his car one hot summers day when it suddenly breaks down. He takes it to the nearest mechanic to get it fixed. The mechanic says "I'm sorry but it is going to take 2 hours to repair it". The penguin is really hot so asks the mechanic if there is a place nearby where he might be able to cool off. The mechanic says "yes, there is an ice cream cafe 100 metres up the road there". The penguin thanks him and waddles on up to the ice cream parlour to enjoy a nice big vanilla flavoured ice cream. After enjoying his ice cream he waddles back to see the mechanic who says to him "Hey there, it looks like you have blown a seal" The penguin replies "No no no, it is just vanilla ice cream" 4 14 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 I'm writing a play called "Tornado!" I'm on the first draft. The unions told me they were not happy about the scenery though, but it should soon blow over... Bye! SLAM! 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 10 minutes ago, 33C said: I'm writing a play called "Tornado!" I'm on the first draft. The unions told me they were not happy about the scenery though, but it should soon blow over... Let's hope the Health & Safety people don't catch wind of it. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted October 4, 2023 Share Posted October 4, 2023 10 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: Let's hope the Health & Safety people don't catch wind of it. If they do, i'll weather the storm. 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JZ Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 On 03/10/2023 at 12:10, Steamport Southport said: The English have always spoke English. Saw it in a documentary about Cleopatra and some Romans. 1 2 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted October 5, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 5, 2023 I bought a 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it! 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 2 hours ago, Sidecar Racer said: I bought a 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it! Was it a bit yellow and smokey? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted October 5, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 5, 2023 I heard a little snippet from a known CC denier tonight. Apparently we in Melbourne Australia, are getting the type of weather that Sydney used to get up to about 4 years ago. Also Sydney is getting Brisbane weather of the same vintage. The reason, the Earth has shifted on it's axis, about 5%! I didn't bother saying anything, but obviously it's BS, because the Earth is flat! 1 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted October 5, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 5, 2023 1 hour ago, kevinlms said: I heard a little snippet from a known CC denier tonight. Apparently we in Melbourne Australia, are getting the type of weather that Sydney used to get up to about 4 years ago. Also Sydney is getting Brisbane weather of the same vintage. The reason, the Earth has shifted on it's axis, about 5%! I didn't bother saying anything, but obviously it's BS, because the Earth is flat! Maybe it slopes a bit....? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 USA news: Joe Biden's dog has left the White House after 11 biting incidents. A spokesman added: Joe Biden no longer bites after forgetting where he left his teeth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 Now waiting for a Rivet Counter response about the punctuation. 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 On 04/10/2023 at 19:30, Sidecar Racer said: You can't use the word Dw##f these days , it's totally politically incorrect , you have to say ' people of limited stature ' . Just to test whether the Mods agree with you... Quote A dwarf has been pick pocketed. Police are surprised that anyone could stoop so low. 3 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 I was kidnapped by mime artistes once. They did unspeakable things to me. 1 1 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 Why can't you buy the Tardis?. It had and will have a sitting Tennant. 4 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 5, 2023 Share Posted October 5, 2023 A man with tickets to the football final finds his seat and relaxes. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he says. "The seat is empty." "That's incredible", said the stranger. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the football final and not use it?" "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first final we haven't been to together since we got married.." The stranger replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. Couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral." 2 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 I was hired to improve the mime artists union but they wouldn't think outside the box let alone leave it. 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 When I was a kid I used to shout "I want to be a smurf" until I was blue in the face. 1 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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