Hroth Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 (edited) 5 minutes ago, NIK said: When I was a kid I used to shout "I want to be a smurf" until I was blue in the face. Edited October 6, 2023 by Hroth 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 Dan dan dan, dandan da dan, dan dan dan dandan… steve 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted October 6, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2023 Origami is the art of folding paper. Oregano is the art of folding herbs. 3 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 Have you heard that TASS, the Russian News Agency, has launched a competition to find the best political joke? The first prize is twenty years. 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted October 6, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2023 1 hour ago, CameronL said: Have you heard that TASS, the Russian News Agency, has launched a competition to find the best political joke? The first prize is twenty years. Runner up is 30 years and other entrants 40 years each - plenty of room and too bad if there isn't lots of room! 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 In response to the TASS joke.... Have you heard that BBC, the UK News Agency, has launched a competition to find the best political joke? First prize is five years for Hate Crime and Disinformation. Be careful what you post here. You can win an award get done for one of five categories. race or ethnicity religion sexual orientation disability transgender identity You can be on UK police records as having "committed" a Hate Crime, without ever being prosecuted, just because it was "perceived by the victim" as hurtful or hateful. That includes anything on online media. https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/hate-crime-england-and-wales-2022-to-2023/hate-crime-england-and-wales-2022-to-2023 No more dwarf jokes for sure. It's no longer a joke here in the UK. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted October 6, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2023 9 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: No more dwarf jokes for sure. It's no longer a joke here in the UK. Come now, with jokes, it's always been a case of the shorter the better. 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 13 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: In response to the TASS joke.... Have you heard that BBC, the UK News Agency, has launched a competition to find the best political joke? First prize is five years for Hate Crime and Disinformation. Be careful what you post here. You can win an award get done for one of five categories. race or ethnicity religion sexual orientation disability transgender identity You can be on UK police records as having "committed" a Hate Crime, without ever being prosecuted, just because it was "perceived by the victim" as hurtful or hateful. That includes anything on online media. https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/hate-crime-england-and-wales-2022-to-2023/hate-crime-england-and-wales-2022-to-2023 No more dwarf jokes for sure. It's no longer a joke here in the UK. On those grounds, then we'd all better apply some preventative tape to mouth and hands to ensure we don't upset anyone... 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 1 hour ago, Hroth said: On those grounds, then we'd all better apply some preventative tape to mouth and hands to ensure we don't upset anyone... I'm guessing you carefully didn't say gaffer tape, because that might be ageist or sexist? Not sure what category Duck Tape is in. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 Or religious or even anti-mob (and you don't want to irk them....) Comes from Godfather with the chief assistant being Best Boy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sled Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 8 hours ago, steve1 said: Dan dan dan, dandan da dan, dan dan dan dandan… steve Would that be a song about a bush fire...? Near a lake? 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 3 minutes ago, The Sled said: Would that be a song about a bush fire...? Near a lake? Performed by a band named after a shade of blue closer to ultra-violet on the visible light spectrum? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold AndrueC Posted October 6, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 6, 2023 17 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said: A man with tickets to the football final finds his seat and relaxes. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he says. "The seat is empty." "That's incredible", said the stranger. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the football final and not use it?" "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first final we haven't been to together since we got married.." The stranger replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. Couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral." A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man." The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years." 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted October 6, 2023 Share Posted October 6, 2023 My partner and I always consider sexual orientation while swinging from the chandeliers. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB-AU Posted October 7, 2023 Share Posted October 7, 2023 16 hours ago, steve1 said: Dan dan dan, dandan da dan, dan dan dan dandan… steve Surely it would be playing Thunderstruck? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JZ Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 (edited) It's the golf club championship final and you're playing the club captain. It's level scores as you play your second shot on the 18th. You take yours and it lands just off the green. The club captain takes his and it goes into the rough. You offer to help him find it and after a few minutes he shouts "Got it!". So he takes the shot and it stops one inch short of the hole. You now have a dilemma. Do you offer congratulations, or do you take his original ball out of your pocket and call him a cheat? Edited October 8, 2023 by JZ 1 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 37 minutes ago, JZ said: It's the golf club championship final and you're playing the club captain. It's level scores as you play your second shot on the 18th. You take yours and it lands just off the green. The club captain takes his and it goes into the rough. You offer to help him find it and after a few minutes he shouts "Got it!". So he takes the shot and it stops one inch short of the hole. You now have a dilemma. Do you offer congratulations, or do you take his original ball out of your pocket and call him a cheat? Isn't that a scene from Goldfinger? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JZ Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 10 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said: Isn't that a scene from Goldfinger? Possibly, never seen it. I was told it by a late golfing mad friend of mine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 55 minutes ago, JZ said: It's the golf club championship final and you're playing the club captain. It's level scores as you play your second shot on the 18th. You take yours and it lands just off the green. The club captain takes his and it goes into the rough. You offer to help him find it and after a few minutes he shouts "Got it!". So he takes the shot and it stops one inch short of the hole. You now have a dilemma. Do you offer congratulations, or do you take his original ball out of your pocket and call him a cheat? Your both cheats if you picked up his ball! 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted October 8, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 8, 2023 52 minutes ago, 33C said: Your both cheats if you picked up his ball! Yes, I think the non-golfers (like me), get that! No point having clubs, if you're are allowed to pick the ball up! 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 1 hour ago, luckymucklebackit said: Isn't that a scene from Goldfinger? Yes, this one. 3 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 6 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said: Yes, this one. That film has the best line from the franchise- 2 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 6 minutes ago, CameronL said: That film has the best line from the franchise- Agreed. And the nominations for second place are ... Perhaps any permutation of "bring it back in one piece Bond"? (Cos everyone knew there's no way that was going to happen) 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Ramblin Rich Posted October 8, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 8, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, CameronL said: That film has the best line from the franchise- 3 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said: Agreed. And the nominations for second place are ... Perhaps any permutation of "bring it back in one piece Bond"? (Cos everyone knew there's no way that was going to happen) I liked Hugo Drax's lines in Moonraker: "Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him" And "At least I shall have the pleasure of putting you out of my misery, Mr. Bond." Just a shame the rest of the film was rubbish... I've a whole book of Bond quotes somewhere. 😉 Edited October 8, 2023 by Ramblin Rich type writing 2 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
exmoordave Posted October 8, 2023 Share Posted October 8, 2023 Watched an action film earlier about an inferno at a French car factory. It starred Burnt Renaults.......... 3 11 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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