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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
Message added by AY Mod,

Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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GPS only works with a "super accurate" time signal, which happily, is imbedded in the GPS signals themselves.

 

Of course, other time signals are available everywhere - namely, the internet.

 

 

Kev.

 

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34 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Possibility #4?

It's connected to a radio that receives radio clock signals.

e.g.

https://www.npl.co.uk/msf-signal

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_from_NPL_(MSF)

 

Yes that's what I meant when I mentioned radio controlled. It seems unlikely the car uses that because those systems all include local DST information. I'll grant that as a software engineer I treat hardware manufacturers (eg;Toyota) with disdain but the chips for such systems come ready to plug in so it defies logic that a car would have such a system yet fail to correctly switch to/from DST.

 

Actually I did miss out another possibility - DAB. However I used to have a DAB clock radio and:

  • It could be wrong by up to two minutes (I believe this is actually part of the DAB spec) and I got so annoyed by it that I got rid of it.
  • It often didn't switch to/from DST until 8 or 9am (see above for the annoyance factor).

 

Update: From some web searches it shows that this might be down to the receiver implementation rather than DAB itself. Still - if it gets the time from DAB it ought to automatically update. Oh and I've never used the radio so have no idea if it's tuned into anything at the moment.

 

🙂

Edited by AndrueC
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Having kicked the snowball that started a not-joke avalanche -

 

One night, a traffic policeman was on patrol when he saw a car fail to indicate at a junction. He put on the blues and twos and stopped the car.

 

After a short conversation with the very apologetic driver he said that he'd have to provide a breath test.

 

The man dipped into his pocket and pulled out a card, which said: "This man has a serious respiratory problem and must not be required to blow hard, as this will  result in terrible suffering. "

 

So, the police officer said that he could go to the station for a blood sample. He pulled out a card, which said: "This man has a serious blood clotting problem and must not be required to provide a blood sample, as this will  result in terrible suffering. "

 

So, the police officer said that he could go to the station for a urine sample. He pulled out a card, which said: "This man is a Manchester United fan,  so don't take the p*ss, because he's suffered enough."

 

Screenshot_20231029_180723_BBCSport.jpg.50bd54c056d5116a05639a1e53b7a481.jpg

 

(Edit to include your least-favourite, underperforming team).

Edited by CameronL
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38 minutes ago, exmoordave said:

I've invented a device that uses heat to remove the creases from photos of old rock bands.

 

Admittedly it took me a while to iron out the kinks.

 

Not sure it would work for The Beetles.....

 

 

Oops.....

 

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10 minutes ago, jcredfer said:

 

Not sure it would work for The Beetles.....

 

 

Oops.....

 

 

But that would be their Skiffle incarnation.....

 

Image1.jpg.fea994c60481273a01999fe7bad77bf7.jpg

John and Paul as "The Silver Beetles"....

 

Edited by Hroth
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2 hours ago, exmoordave said:

I've invented a device that uses heat to remove the creases from photos of old rock bands.

 

Admittedly it took me a while to iron out the kinks.

 

1 hour ago, jcredfer said:

 

Not sure it would work for The Beetles.....

 

 

Oops.....

 

It would for the Rolling Stones but it would take ages to iron out the wrinkles.

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3 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

We left out an empty bowl, with a sign.

 

It said "Help Yourself".

Yes, so the kids thought that the previous group had taken the lot!

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8 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

We left out an empty bowl, with a sign.

 

It said "Help Yourself".

 

Or you could leave out a bowl of Winalot!

 

If Polar explorers could eat the stuff...

 

Quote

Businessman James Spratt introduced the first commercially-prepared pet food in England in approximately 1860. After seeing dogs being fed leftover biscuits from a ship, Spratt formulated the first dog biscuit

 

Ships biscuit, or hardtack was a notoriously hard concoction, although weevils found them tasty.  Sailors had a habit of tapping the biscuit on their mess tables to drive some of the weevils out...

 

Leftover biscuit would probably be almost sentient....

 

Edited by Hroth
interesting stuff....
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3 hours ago, Hroth said:

Ships biscuit, or hardtack was a notoriously hard concoction, although weevils found them tasty.  Sailors had a habit of tapping the biscuit on their mess tables to drive some of the weevils out...

 

Of course if you have a choice of a biscuit with a big weevil in it or one containing a small one you should take the second option.

 

You should always choose the lesser of two weevils.

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9 minutes ago, ian said:

 

Of course if you have a choice of a biscuit with a big weevil in it or one containing a small one you should take the second option.

 

You should always choose the lesser of two weevils.

image.png.0684c4d4acd624cf41c942e12cfdfe30.png

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3 hours ago, ian said:

 

Of course if you have a choice of a biscuit with a big weevil in it or one containing a small one you should take the second option.

 

You should always choose the lesser of two weevils.

But which is worse, finding out than an apple you are eating has a worm in it, or finding it has half a worm in it?

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