RMweb Gold SHMD Posted November 5, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 5, 2023 For all those moaning about the lack of jokes here.... Kev. 1 2 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 (edited) 7 minutes ago, SHMD said: For all those moaning about the lack of jokes here.... ... I can neither confirm nor deny that RMWeb is organising a training webinar. "How to find your own sense of humour and contribute your own jokes". Edited November 5, 2023 by KeithMacdonald Edit: prizes will be awarded for the best epistemological derivations. 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold SHMD Posted November 5, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 5, 2023 ..sorry 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold AndrueC Posted November 5, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 5, 2023 1 hour ago, SHMD said: ..It took me a moment, but I got there! ..as the actress said to the bishop. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, Hroth said: Thats one of Igors little jobs as a Counts personal gentleman! Or should that be "Igor'th little jobth ath a Count'th perthonal gentleman!" (Terry Pratchett might thay tho. And thankth for all the etheth. Thith gag wouldn't thtand up without thome). Edited November 5, 2023 by CameronL Added a bit 1 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 I can't understand the concept of not being able to do things without a mirror! I think the only one I've got is in the loft and that's an old Southern Comfort one from a pub. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold 96701 Posted November 5, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 5, 2023 The main problem with mirrors is that when I look into one in a morning, I'm convinced that I've woken the wrong bloke up. 3 2 8 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pH Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 4 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: I always remember the urban myth of the headline of one of newspapers "When the s**t hits the fan!" These are used at sports games to launch team t-shirts into the crowd: https://youtu.be/0_kwOcfIaAQ?si=3-zlgGr8nvKRofAW On one occasion, a shirt was launched only a short distance and caused an injury to a spectator. The incident was reported as “Shirt hits the fan”. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post luckymucklebackit Posted November 5, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted November 5, 2023 1 1 23 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted November 5, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 5, 2023 (edited) 3 hours ago, Chris116 said: In view of the quality of jokes seen here recently, Bring back the music stuff . 😎 Edited November 5, 2023 by Sidecar Racer 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
exmoordave Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 I told my therapist I can't get the Grease soundtrack out of my head. He said "Tell me more......." 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 3 hours ago, CameronL said: Or should that be "Igor'th little jobth ath a Count'th perthonal gentleman!" (Terry Pratchett might thay tho. And thankth for all the etheth. Thith gag wouldn't thtand up without thome). Yeth, and I'm only thixteen. 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold 96701 Posted November 5, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 5, 2023 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted November 5, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 5, 2023 6 hours ago, Dunsignalling said: At a comedy performance, a man wearing a thick scarf was caught fondling the breasts of numerous female audience members. That's correct, a muffled titter ran round the auditorium. Shall I groan or should I leave it to the rest of you? Here's a groan. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 1 hour ago, KeithMacdonald said: Yeth, and I'm only thixteen. I think I encountered that one in the second of the "Doctor" books... (Doctor At Large?) It was old even then... 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
aardvark Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 (edited) I’d like to have grandkids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that. Edited November 5, 2023 by aardvark 1 2 1 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 55 minutes ago, Hroth said: I think I encountered that one in the second of the "Doctor" books... (Doctor At Large?) It was old even then... Books? There's no James Robertson Justice in them! Sir Lancelot Spratt : You cut a patient he bleeds, until the processes of nature form a clot and stop it. This interval is known scientifically as the 'bleeding time'. You! What's the bleeding time? Simon Sparrow : Ten past ten, sir. 2 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 6 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Books? There's no James Robertson Justice in them! Sir Lancelot Spratt : You cut a patient he bleeds, until the processes of nature form a clot and stop it. This interval is known scientifically as the 'bleeding time'. You! What's the bleeding time? Simon Sparrow : Ten past ten, sir. The Industrial Archaeology of jokes... 🤪 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB-AU Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 7 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Books? There's no James Robertson Justice in them! There is a very brief and mostly overlooked background gag in Carry On Doctor. A double reference as Peter Rogers, who produced most of the Carry On films, was married to Betty E. Box who produced the Doctor films. 5 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post steve1 Posted November 6, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted November 6, 2023 steve 2 21 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 An old one, but I couldn't find it on here... Two good ol’ boys were walking through the woods when they saw a bear (or ‘bar’, as they were known in those parts). Billy Joe said “Jim Bob, thar’s a bar! What’r we gonna do? Should we climb a tree?” “Don’t you be no fool! You cain’t climb no tree with no bar.” Jim Bob replied. “If’n yuh climb a tree, that bar’s gonna do one of two things. If’n it’s a black bar it’ll climb the tree aft’r yuh. If’n that bar’s a grizzly bar it’ll push the tree down. You cain’t climb no tree with no bar.” “So, what we gonna do?” Billy Joe asked. “I don’t knows about you,” Jim Bob replied. “But I’m gonna run.” “Don’t you be no fool!” Billy Joe said. “You cain’t run faster ‘n no bar.” “I knows I cain’t run faster ‘n no bar,” Jim Bob replied. “But I can run faster ‘n you.” 2 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
exmoordave Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 Two things to remember that I've ticked off my list: 1) the 5th of November 2) you're a Womble......... 2 2 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 14 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Books? There's no James Robertson Justice in them! I much enjoyed his role as Dr MacLaren (Seumas Mòr na Feusag) in Whisky Galore, making sure his patients have enough whisky and tobacco. Dr Maclaren : And how are you feeling today? Old Hector : [weakly] Oh, I'm not feeling anything at all. Just bones, that's all. Dr Maclaren : I brought you some tobacco. Old Hector : Thank you doctor. But my pipe is gone-- fell to pieces on me-- and not a pipe to be bought. And John MacLeod says he doesn't know when he'll be having another... I, I, I don't believe the world has been in such a terrible mess since the Flood. Dr Maclaren : Well, we can't have you giving up smoking as well as everything else. Here's a pipe of mine. Old Hector : I couldn't be robbing you of your own pipe, doctor. You're too kind altogether. Dr Maclaren : Doctor's orders. I have another one. And at the wedding party Dr Maclaren : It's a well known fact that some men were born two drinks below par. 4 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 22 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: I much enjoyed his role as Dr MacLaren (Seumas Mòr na Feusag) in Whisky Galore, making sure his patients have enough whisky and tobacco. Dr Maclaren : And how are you feeling today? Old Hector : [weakly] Oh, I'm not feeling anything at all. Just bones, that's all. Dr Maclaren : I brought you some tobacco. Old Hector : Thank you doctor. But my pipe is gone-- fell to pieces on me-- and not a pipe to be bought. And John MacLeod says he doesn't know when he'll be having another... I, I, I don't believe the world has been in such a terrible mess since the Flood. Dr Maclaren : Well, we can't have you giving up smoking as well as everything else. Here's a pipe of mine. Old Hector : I couldn't be robbing you of your own pipe, doctor. You're too kind altogether. Dr Maclaren : Doctor's orders. I have another one. And at the wedding party Dr Maclaren : It's a well known fact that some men were born two drinks below par. Gosh! Doesn't Gordon Jackson look young! 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 Good luck! Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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