The Forum Jokes Thread

[PhilJ W]

3 hours ago, Colin_McLeod said:

They look like sliding cabinet doors so it just might be possible to rescue the dishes. 

[Hroth]

1 hour ago, PhilJ W said:

They look like sliding cabinet doors so it just might be possible to rescue the dishes. 

 

Most, but not all, I expect!

 

Its a pity that a switch to temporarily disable gravity hasn't yet been invented...

 

[NIK]

My partner is an anticruciverbalist - we've never had a crossword between us.

[ian]

6 hours ago, Colin_McLeod said:

For sale: Set of bowls in perfect condition. Buyer collects.

[Nick C]

4 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

They look like sliding cabinet doors so it just might be possible to rescue the dishes. 

If not, then you have to make the decision - which is cheaper/easier to replace, the dishes, or the glass in the door...

[PhilJ W]

6 hours ago, Nick C said:

If not, then you have to make the decision - which is cheaper/easier to replace, the dishes, or the glass in the door...

Now that's an idea, cut out the glass pane below the one holding the dishes, fill half the shelf below with something like bubble wrap and blank off where the glass has been removed so when the door is moved the dishes drop onto the bubble wrap. 

[Dunsignalling]

 

Unless the dishes are something special and/or you actually use the full set together, just put a table and a couple of pillows under the cupboard and take your chances....

Edited November 16, 2023 by Dunsignalling

[Colin_McLeod]

Or just leave them there and use the dishes in the other cupboard. 😁

[jcredfer]

16 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

Now that's an idea, cut out the glass pane below the one holding the dishes, fill half the shelf below with something like bubble wrap and blank off where the glass has been removed so when the door is moved the dishes drop onto the bubble wrap. 

 

Perhaps remove the pane above the dishes and take them out from above?

 

[tomparryharry]

if you're going on safari, watch out for charging Rhinos....

 

£30 quid is quite extortionate, if you ask me...

 

'Tarzan called in today'

'Did he?

'yes, he was in the area, so he swung by'.

 

My Grandad got a job as a lifeguard in the local leisure centre. He was so pleased, you would think he won the pools..... 

[Compound2632]

1 hour ago, tomparryharry said:

if you're going on safari, watch out for charging Rhinos....

 

£30 quid is quite extortionate, if you ask me...

 

Now it was £50 the first time I heard a version of this joke, nearly 30 years ago. Does this indicate that rhino numbers are back on the up? 

[exmoordave]

My dog "Minton" keeps eating shuttlecocks.

 

"Bad Minton......."

[Hroth]

11 minutes ago, exmoordave said:

My dog "Minton" keeps eating shuttlecocks.

 

"Bad Minton......."

 

Very Tim Vine.....

 

[The Johnster]

'Fenton!

 

FENTON!!!'

[tomparryharry]

4 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

 

Now it was £50 the first time I heard a version of this joke, nearly 30 years ago. Does this indicate that rhino numbers are back on the up? 

I like to give my jokes an airing from time to time.  I was going to tell the one about the Monkey, the doughnut & the Traffic Warden, but I think the mods wouldn't like it...

[PhilJ W]

8 hours ago, jcredfer said:

Perhaps remove the pane above the dishes and take them out from above?

But which plate will you move first? Whatever you do the plates, or at last some of them are going to fall so you need something to catch them and cushion the fall.

[kevinlms]

14 hours ago, jcredfer said:

 

Perhaps remove the pane above the dishes and take them out from above?

 

Usually the glass is held in from the inside!

[ian]

21 hours ago, jcredfer said:

 

Perhaps remove the pane above the dishes and take them out from above?

 

Pull the cabinet out from the wall, lay it on its back and then open the door...

[franciswilliamwebb]

44 minutes ago, ian said:

Pull the cabinet out from the wall, lay it on its back and then open the door...

 

Just open the door, for heck's sake.  Schrödinger will know his own...

[Colin_McLeod]

Everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but how many know where the Minneapolis?

[Obi-Jiff Kenobi]

I was reading recently about a church that was in need of a new bell, as one of the existing ones had cracked beyond repair. These days, a new bronze bell is extremely expensive, and also not very ecologically friendly. The metals have to be mined and refined, with all the ungreen implications, and the casting uses an enormous amount of heat which, however it’s generated, is not good for the atmosphere. The church did some research, and managed to find a company who made them a bell out of recycled animal faeces.

 

It goes ‘dung.’

[Welchester]

23 minutes ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

 made them a bell out of recycled animal faeces.

 

Animal faeces are actually used in bellfounding.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bellfounding#Constructing_the_mould

[Hroth]

1 hour ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

I was reading recently about a church that was in need of a new bell, as one of the existing ones had cracked beyond repair

 

Probably due to mistreatment decades ago from "clappering".

 

39 minutes ago, Welchester said:

Animal faeces are actually used in bellfounding.

 

The cracked bell would be melted down and recast, with a small amount of extra metal added to make up for foundry processes*.  Recycling at its finest!

 

* Sprues, etc, which would be recovered from the new casting once cooled down.

 

[J. S. Bach]

2 hours ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

I was reading recently about a church that was in need of a new bell, as one of the existing ones had cracked beyond repair. These days, a new bronze bell is extremely expensive, and also not very ecologically friendly. The metals have to be mined and refined, with all the ungreen implications, and the casting uses an enormous amount of heat which, however it’s generated, is not good for the atmosphere. The church did some research, and managed to find a company who made them a bell out of recycled animal faeces.

 

It goes ‘dung.’

I fail to see any humor here.

 

EDIT: I missed the last line as I thought that it was part of the signature. Now I see the humor!

Edited November 18, 2023 by J. S. Bach
To add some information

[jcredfer]

I knew a girl, a good few years back, who eventually got married and had two daughters.  Oddly she named them both after rivers, I never knew Wye, but I knew the other crafty one was Wylye.