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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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A farmer buys a young rooster.

As soon as he gets it home, the rooster f***s all the farmer’s 150 hens.

The farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the rooster f***s all 150 hens again.

The next day, the rooster screws the ducks and the geese.

Sadly, later that day, the farmer finds the rooster laying on the ground half-dead with vultures circling overhead.

The farmer says, “you deserve it, you horny bastard.”

The rooster opens one eye and says “Shhhh, they’re about to land!”

Edited by PhilJ W
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14 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

Multi billionaire gets woken up early on Christmas morning by the grandkids screaming and crying.

 

 

"Grandad Jim we didn't want Manchester United".

 

"But you asked for a Mickey Mouse outfit!"


… or the other multi-billionaire whose grandson asked for a real cowboy outfit for Christmas? 
 

He bought his grandson (insert sports team/private company/government organization of your choice).

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8 hours ago, pH said:


… or the other multi-billionaire whose grandson asked for a real cowboy outfit for Christmas? 
 

He bought his grandson (insert sports team/private company/government organization of your choice).

 

Ah. I think timing is relevant.

 

Sir Jim Ratcliffe did buy Manchester United (well a massive chunk of it) at Christmas and said it was a Christmas present for the fans!

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/67815642

 

 

 

I do remember Liverpool were bought by a pair of genuine cowboys. The only problem was they didn't have any actual money. A bit like the Glazers, everything was tied up in other assets. So when these owners say they are worth XXX million, they mean they own a club worth that amount and that club hasn't had any investment either!

 

How to take a team that had just won the Champions League and challenging for the league to virtually fighting relegation overnight....

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hicks

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7 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

Obviously never watched it as there are trains in Trainspotting...

 

I wouldn't be surprised if you were to see evidence of drug taking in the environs of Didcot station. The case stands.

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10 hours ago, newbryford said:

Insert train of choice.

IMG-20240101-WA0003.jpg.27605f779f6d77fd2b273c8f6717771d.jpg

 

10 minutes ago, Compound2632 said:

I wouldn't be surprised if you were to see evidence of drug taking in the environs of Didcot station. The case stands.

 

It is (allegedly, m'lud) a not-infrequent occurance, which occurs when certain Scots come to realise that in a post-Wembley haze, they've got a train from Paddington, instead of Euston, and now they have to spend a night in Swindon.

 

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Hey ho!

 

Only 4 more days to go!

 

Q: What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed one on a unicycle?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: Attire...

 

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