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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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2 hours ago, exmoordave said:

I bought a secondhand time machine next Tuesday.

 

They don't make them like they're going to anymore.....

That's the first lines to a time-travel Country and Western song.

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On 29/12/2023 at 16:40, Kylestrome said:

 

I'd rather forget Liebfraumilch, if you don't mind.

I've often wondered about Liebfraumilch, bearing in mind its literal translation.

 

Lieb     Love

Frau     Woman

Milch    Milk

 

🤔

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

All to do with balance. If you put too much in the hold then it's out.


Not necessarily. Whilst there are weight limits on what can be loaded in the holds, most passenger aircraft have holds in front of, and behind the wings and so loading is planned to keep the centre of gravity within safe limits. Weight limits are more to do with keeping fuel consumption somewhere near the planned figure. If 300 passengers were each to take 10kg above the allowed weight, that’s an increase of three metric tons. For a typical Boeing 777 flight from London to Los Angeles that extra bag weight would increase fuel consumption by around 750kg. 

Edited by The Pilotman
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1 hour ago, F-UnitMad said:

I thought you'd been doing that all along...?? 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤣🤣

 

Not quite.

I'd started at the bottom.....

 

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Posted (edited)

In the absence of any Christmas crackers in this household I am pleased to inform you that I enjoyed my last Penguin bar this evening!

 

Who is a Penguin's favourite family member?

 

 

Aunt Arctica.

 

 

 

Hat, coat, exit stage left.

Edited by Chris116
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A wife sends the following text to her husband.

 

If you are sleeping send me your dream,
If you are laughing send me your smile,
If you are eating send me a bite,
If you are drinking send me a sip.

I love you.


Husband replies:

I'm on the toilet. Please advise.

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This joke loses a bit with the convention of squad numbers for football teams. However …

 

Q. What wears a shirt with “7” on the back, carries a rifle, and gives milk?

A. A right-wing military coo.

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15 hours ago, westernfan said:

I've often wondered about Liebfraumilch, bearing in mind its literal translation.

 

Lieb     Love

Frau     Woman

Milch    Milk

 

🤔

If that bothers you, how about Chateau French wines?

 

Chat = cat 

Eau = water

 

"Cat water?" In the past I have drunk some wine that tasted like a cat was involved in its production, but they didn't put it on the label. 

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