The Forum Jokes Thread

[leopardml2341]

[APOLLO]

 

Brit15

[Jamiel]

I drove past a sign saying ‘Massive Tile Sale’.
 

I thought that was a pity as I am looking for some tiles for my bathroom, but I really want to use small or medium sized tiles at most.

Edited March 3, 2020 by Jamiel

[Ian J.]

7 hours ago, Jamiel said:

I drove past a sing saying ‘Massive Tile Sale’.
 

I thought that was a pity as I am looking for some tiles for my bathroom, but I really want to use small or medium sized tiles at most.

 

"sing"?

 

Edited March 3, 2020 by Ian J.

[Compound2632]

8 hours ago, Jamiel said:

I drove past a sing saying ‘Massive Tile Sale’.

 

There are plenty of those around; one of my favourites is: "Giant Car Boot". Also:

 

 

"Slow old people crossing".

 

And another that never fails to tickle:

 

"Humped zebra crossing".

 

Sorry, perhaps these should be (probably have been) in Whacky Signs.

 

 

 

[luckymucklebackit]

Humped zebra - is that not really a camel that has excaped from prison?

[Gibbo675]

47 minutes ago, Compound2632 said:

 

There are plenty of those around; one of my favourites is: "Giant Car Boot". Also:

 

 

"Slow old people crossing".

 

And another that never fails to tickle:

 

"Humped zebra crossing".

 

Sorry, perhaps these should be (probably have been) in Whacky Signs.

 

 

 

Hi Stephen,

 

I've always known the above sign as, "Warning, elderly pick-pockets !"

 

Gibbo

[Damo666]

I had another post which has since been deleted, probably because it cross a line (apologies to the Mods and whoever may have been offended). However, in that post I mentioned that I've acquired a NAS drive and I'm going through all the files trying to sort them out, and am coming across lots of pictures, some which are funny so I thought I'd share them here.

 

Here's one of a Bill Poster just finishing his work, taken by my father back in 2002:

 

Edited March 3, 2020 by Damo666

[Welchester]

Belgian beer offer (buy 2 Corona, get 1 Sudden Death).

 

[Sidecar Racer]

 

I went to an Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “In-sha -Allah, you will walk today!”

I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”

The Hindu sadhu came and said "Bubba, you will walk on your legs today."

I said "Babaji - nothing wrong with my legs"

The Buddhist Monk came, tied a long thread on my wrist and said, “Damned Pool-Pookay Nool", you will walk today!”

I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen!!!!!!
 

[Compound2632]

1 minute ago, Sidecar Racer said:

 

I went to an Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.
 

 

I mis-read that as "Inter-Region Integration Seminar". I can imagine such an event, c. 1970s, being not so dissimilar.

[Jamiel]

Following on from The Bishop of Welchester's image.

[Colin_McLeod]

[KeithMacdonald]

2 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

 

I mis-read that as "Inter-Region Integration Seminar". I can imagine such an event, c. 1970s, being not so dissimilar.

 

I went to an Inter-Region Integration Seminar.

The Regional Director came in, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Richard Beeching, you will walk today!”

[KeithMacdonald]

1 hour ago, Jamiel said:

Following on from The Bishop of Welchester's image.

 

It's not often that a sequel is funnier than the original, but that's even better than the first one.

 

85253405_1305692079614167_80163341075269

(Bishop of Bath and Wells)

 

I wonder how many people noticed the misplaced parity bit?

[BoD]

I wonder if all of these Corona based jokes will go viral.

[Ian Abel]

7 minutes ago, BoD said:

I wonder if all of these Corona based jokes will go viral.

Too soon?!?!?!?  I was considering the groan button request also

 

Surprisingly (or NOT!) there are rumors, and hopefully ONLY RUMORS that some "social media" commentaries suggest a percentage of the US population have decided that the beer is also therefore unsafe - of course, they're not the sharpest knives in the drawer  population. Also a number of "homemade cures" including gargling with bleach - that's certainly going to prevent you getting the virus, you'll be dead!

 

[Sidecar Racer]

11 hours ago, Ian Abel said:

Too soon?!?!?!?  I was considering the groan button request also

 

Surprisingly (or NOT!) there are rumors, and hopefully ONLY RUMORS that some "social media" commentaries suggest a percentage of the US population have decided that the beer is also therefore unsafe - of course, they're not the sharpest knives in the drawer  population. Also a number of "homemade cures" including gargling with bleach - that's certainly going to prevent you getting the virus, you'll be dead!

 

 

Gotta admire the logic of  Merika .       

 

Edited March 4, 2020 by Sidecar Racer

[great central]

7 hours ago, BoD said:

I wonder if all of these Corona based jokes will go viral.

 

Well I'm just hoping if I get it, I get the diluted version, the Kia-Ora virus.

That one thanks to a work colleague.

 

Maybe the self medicating version would be good for the self isolated people, Covonia virus?

 

Yes I know..........

[jwealleans]

Quote

Gotta the logic of  Merika . 

 

Not just the US.  It's been found near some of our family in Brittany and around there people are not only not drinking the beer but also avoiding Chinese restaurants.  Then again, we're the country where an angry mob daubed slogans on the house of a paediatrician, so maybe we ought not to feel too superior.

Edited March 4, 2020 by jwealleans

[jcredfer]

12 hours ago, Ian Abel said:

Too soon?!?!?!?  I was considering the groan button request also

 

Surprisingly (or NOT!) there are rumors, and hopefully ONLY RUMORS that some "social media" commentaries suggest a percentage of the US population have decided that the beer is also therefore unsafe - of course, they're not the sharpest knives in the drawer  population. Also a number of "homemade cures" including gargling with bleach - that's certainly going to prevent you getting the virus, you'll be dead!

 

 

Only to be expected in a country where, without doubt, half of the population are below average intelligence.   

 

Julian

 

[Ian Abel]

1 hour ago, jcredfer said:

 

Only to be expected in a country where, without doubt, half of the population are below average intelligence.   

 

Julian

 

Sadly, I think you're off with that percentage, it seems somewhat higher  

 

Edited March 4, 2020 by Ian Abel

[Compound2632]

It is possible for well over half the population to be below average in intelligence, if intelligence is not normally distributed (not distributed according to a bell curve). There could be a small fraction of the population of exceptional intelligence. To illustrate this, I am sure that I have lowered the average age of our model railway club membership, such that over half of members are now over the average age.

[Titan]

Exactly, vastly more than half of the population have above the average number of legs.  In the same way more than half could be below average intelligence...

[Reorte]

1 hour ago, Titan said:

Exactly, vastly more than half of the population have above the average number of legs.  In the same way more than half could be below average intelligence...

 

Vastly more than half of the population have more than the mean number of legs. People with more than the modal average number of legs will be very few and far between though, I feel pretty confident in saying there will be more people below it than above it.