bigP

another case of "Protect & Survive" then.

Turnip tarts

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All depends when your day starts and ends, yesterday didn't finish til 1 this morning so today started at 9.

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I always understood that that was part of their job

Finding a rancid old sausage from last year at the bottom of your duffel bag, just when the buffet has closed.

You can already get them brand new and fresh at the shops.

Wringing out a Cuba-Libre from my underpants.

It's just not going in for you, is it? :-D

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If all else fails, do it the way your wife/mother/gf told you in the first place

Yorkshire Airways! Eh!Up!

Bad Robot! Bad!

Is it a Ford Galaxy?

You cut it up. Don't you remember.

The quickest way to find something is to replace it.

Either as DM says or under the unstarted pile.

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my little un has put it on his christmas list, he wont be getting it thats for sure, think i can stretch to ecto1 for his birthday

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Yes, well, I'm a slow reader myself....

Is this the story about the close friends Vladimyr Bakeoff and Anton Danceoff who run away to White City to make their fortunes?

You are now...25th...in the queue....

You were about to pay me back that fiver you owe me.

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Pies

Pork pies