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Horsetan

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Status Updates posted by Horsetan

  1. wonders whether anyone has admitted to building a kit whilst on the bog....

  2. is in bed, recovering from a haemorrhoid operation. General anaesthetic is lovely.

    1. Show previous comments  20 more
    2. Stubby47

      Stubby47

      No, not that Nelson, the one from The Simpsons ! D'oh!

    3. Trebor

      Trebor

      Anaesthetic to start with,

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Can I just say that NHS anaesthetic is the best thing I've yet tasted? It's a real knockout.

  3. has started a 24-hour urine collection test....

    1. Show previous comments  20 more
    2. DonB

      DonB

      There's a rule.. what goes in comes out ! need to drink at least 5 litres to get 5 out. Simples.

    3. Tim V

      Tim V

      21 comments, is that a record?

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Nowhere near a record. I've seen other status updates that reached over 30 comments.

  4. has managed 72mpg to the Biggles(wade) show, where he avoided buying a George Norton LNWR kit. Cake rating: 8.

    1. Show previous comments  20 more
    2. sharris

      sharris

      I went on the number 73 bus.

    3. DougN

      DougN

      Only milk and juice come in 2litres... No wonder all those years ago you loved the bog standard commodore V6 3.8litre. They were nice cars but my 3.6litre V6 Calais will happily out run them! Let alone the Monaro 5.7l V8 300Kw I had for a while! Fuel economy what's that?

    4. polybear

      polybear

      Now if I'd had the Dodge Charger I was running around in out in Kuwait last october. MPG? Nope....but boy did it get a wriggle on....

      LNWR Kit? S/H Table, left hand side?

  5. has attained 82.3mpg, coasting into the filling station on the last remaining fumes....

    1. Show previous comments  19 more
    2. Trebor

      Trebor

      my C4 VTR does whatever it does, I dont pay for the fuel, so I dont care......

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Well, aren't you the lucky one.

    4. davefrk

      davefrk

      'I'm still trying for 90mpg'. Try taking the seats, spare wheel, tools and anything else you don't need out and you may get more than 90MPG. And, don't fill the tank either. I once got more than 90 MPG from her VW Touran TDi but that was coming back from East Kilbride at 600 feet up to 200 feet at home over 5 miles, coasting most of the way and all the lights at green. I don't usually quote it though.

  6. is going for a Father Ted T-shirt. I think the one about the UHT milk would be most suitable....

    1. Show previous comments  19 more
    2. 69843

      69843

      Not a racist.

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      "There are no Maoris on Craggy Island"

    4. Jon Fitness

      Jon Fitness

      Shoddy, Shoddy, Shoddy!

      or

      Take off your bra!

  7. feels as rough as someone who's been using a few sheets of Badger's Ar** toilet paper.

    1. Show previous comments  19 more
    2. Porcy Mane

      Porcy Mane

      That's Dulax.

      Dulax = OE Sheepdog

      Andrax=Labradog Puppy

    3. Tim Dubya
    4. Porcy Mane

      Porcy Mane

      = Yuarrghhh. Bing bong bing.

      Relax don't do it...

  8. is going to watch his entire set of Father Ted videos again :-)

    1. Show previous comments  18 more
    2. Garry D100

      Garry D100

      Attention please, a child has been lost in the tunnel of goats

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      ...and a nurse has become stuck in the Tunnel of Goats...

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      CHAIR! CUR-TAINS! FLOOR!! ....GOBSH*TE!!

  9. is not looking forward to this week's heatwave, and is now looking for an excuse not to be in the non-airconditioned office :-(

    1. Show previous comments  18 more
    2. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Or alternatively, if you feel like it, just toot.

       

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Melting now.

    4. DougN

      DougN

      Towel down for Mr Tan...

  10. has started drooling over Garrett ball-bearing turbochargers. No idea why.

    1. Show previous comments  18 more
    2. Satan's Goldfish

      Satan's Goldfish

      Depends what spec of T3. Best bet is to go see a turbo specialist Mr Horse, more light reading here! http://www.outfrontmotorsports.com/turbo_basics.htm

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      I am playing with the idea of having something that would be less stressed.

    4. Satan's Goldfish

      Satan's Goldfish

      Most under-stressed turbos in cars i've seen is the nutters that put in large turbos from industrial applications, like locomotives! Bigger turbo = working less hard, but more exhaust gas is needed to spool it up so you'd end up reving harder to get it going.

  11. has just had a missed call from overseas. The caller appears to be in the Vatican. Why would Pope Francis want to call me? #ecumenicalmatter

  12. is imbued with all the confidence of someone who's just realised he's put diesel in a petrol-powered car...

    1. Show previous comments  17 more
    2. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Horse, are you still at the petrol station?

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      No. Nothing actually happened for the next 30-odd miles after the little fuelling boob, although I suspect that the diesel hasn't

      filtered through the system yet....

    4. vitalspark

      vitalspark

      I would be very surprised if it hadn't filtered through yet.

      More likely the tiny amount compared to the quantity of petrol has not caused any issues.

      The friend with the old Jag didn't even get it on the transporter on the forecourt before it cut out.

      Enough in the bowls of the SUs to start it and move it short distance but that was it.

      It sounds like everything is fine.

  13. has just had a massive plug of earwax fall out of his right earhole. Lovely. Not.

    1. Show previous comments  17 more
    2. bcnPete

      bcnPete

      Wax on...Wax off...

    3. 3 link

      3 link

      Ha! Ha! I thought you were joking when you said you posted a picture of your ear wax on Early Risers...... lol

    4. SHMD

      SHMD

      Pardon?

      Haff past two.

       

      I said "Haff past two"!

       

  14. is looking at Citroen SMs, but thinks it's a bit of a hack to send a car to Australia to be converted to RHD :-(

    1. Show previous comments  17 more
    2. Tim Dubya

      Tim Dubya

      or just a C5 by Sinclair...

    3. Fenway Park

      Fenway Park

      Defintely go for it. The SM is a beautiful car.

    4. Jintyman

      Jintyman

      SM's are already a classic. I know of one bloke who bought a whole car just for the rear window.

  15. has discovered that a friend shares a birthday with...Donald Trump!!!

    1. Show previous comments  16 more
    2. BlackRat

      BlackRat

      Make it look like an accident Mr Bond...

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Oddly enough, my friend has been nicknamed "M" in the past, which she rather likes....

    4. Mike G

      Mike G

      Fortunately I'm at the end of the year. I share my birthday with Noel Edmunds...and you thought your mate was hard done by!

  16. is going to be in the audience on Question Time on Thursday night. Oh God.

    1. Show previous comments  16 more
    2. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      But hopefully there will be no u-bend turns.

    3. Re6/6

      Re6/6

      No use calling upon Him.

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Hmmm...I see Emily Thornberry the Shadow Foreign Sec. is on the panel for Thursday. Wonder if she's found out the name of the South Korean Foreign Minister yet?

  17. is in a CPD seminar, wondering how long before the first yawn.

    1. Show previous comments  15 more
    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Mental capacity section now.

    3. Metr0Land

      Metr0Land

      Res ipsa loquitor!

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      About half the delegates walked out just before the last lecture began. Loads of yawns.

  18. is watching the possibility of communism being fashionable again after the events of this morning....

    1. Show previous comments  15 more
    2. Brinkly

      Brinkly

      Will the last person to leave Britain, please turn off the light!

    3. Dave47549

      Dave47549

      Excuse me, I appear to have picked up the Daily Fail by mistake...

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Might there be a chance of Corbyn attending a future Scaleforum with Presidents Maduro and Lukashenka in tow?

  19. will be shifting a piano.....

    1. Show previous comments  15 more
    2. Wellyboots

      Wellyboots

      Hopefully it won't end up like a scene from an Ealing comedy.

    3. Metr0Land

      Metr0Land

      While you're at it, is there any chance of you finding the lost chord?

    4. Tim V

      Tim V

      Moody Blues got there first

  20. is poking about hopefully with a hot soldering iron

  21. has seen off Parking Eye in yet another parking appeal :-)

    1. Show previous comments  14 more
    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Glory to the Ealing Popular Front!

    3. Metr0Land
    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Forward to First Principles!

  22. is pleased that the garden won't need watering now. More time to spend on the plastic puzzle that is the Y9.

    1. Show previous comments  14 more
    2. gridwatcher

      gridwatcher

      Garden parched here in the Gobi Desert better known as Scotland....back outside to the BBQ and chilled beers

    3. Crisis Rail

      Crisis Rail

      ....rain? in the South?

    4. Porcy Mane

      Porcy Mane

      Testing still goes on occasionally round my way into finding the quickest way doon a heep. Things has changed a bit since I was a nipper when the usual bit of ar*e protection was provided by a bit of discarded conveyor belt.

      I sometimes join the daring young test pilots during field trials. Current state of the art is five up in an upturned end of a Fibre glass septic tank, half inched from the local septic tank manufactory. A modicum of skill is required to avoid trees/stream.

  23. is on the way to Bummingham. The fella in the seat opposite is an alcoholic, having opened up half a litre of Fosters before 10.30am. They let anyone into First Cl-ars* on Virgin nowadays *sniffs*

    1. Show previous comments  14 more
    2. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      So where's the drunken fa*t?

    3. Mallard60022

      Mallard60022

      Still on the train as he was going to Carlisle, or more likely Scotty land where he will feel safer due to the political climate.

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      He got off at Bummingham International.

  24. has been visited once again by the Boris Yeltsin-lookalike client. It's really quite uncanny given that the real Yeltsin has been dead for at least 10 years....

    1. Show previous comments  14 more
    2. The Blue Streak

      The Blue Streak

      There's a guy works down our chip shop who swears He's Horsetan !!

    3. pheaton

      pheaton

      was he drinking vodka?

    4. pheaton

      pheaton

      was he drinking vodka?

  25. has ordered a Father Ted T-shirt. Hopefully the first of many....

    1. Show previous comments  14 more
    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      "Sack me!? Sack me!? I *made* the BBC!..."

    3. Mr Brunel

      Mr Brunel

      Down with this sort of thing!

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Nudie Father Jack!

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