For those that fear coming to Australia!

[Horsetan]

Good of you to drop in Allan - pull up a pew and have a Fosters........ cos no one down here drinks it!

 

Despite your assumption that we have a natural talent for naming things imaginatively, the truth is actually the opposite.

 

This is actual recorded dialog at the times major discoveries here were made:

 

Look, theres an Octopus, it has blue rings on it what shall we call it? How about The blue ringed octopus?..No worries.

 

Look, those mountains have got a bit of snow on them, what shall we call them?. How about The Snowy Mountains? Beauty.

 

Look, this reef here is like a bloody great barrier. What do you reckon we should call it? How about the Great Barrier Reef mate?.. Alright.

 

And so on and so on. Mount Disappointment, Mount Misery, The Red belly black snake, The great sandy desert......

Without all this, Bill Bryson's book Down Under wouldn't have been quite so hilarious.

[kevinlms]

Good of you to drop in Allan - pull up a pew and  have a Fosters........ cos no one down here drinks it!

 

Despite your assumption that we have a natural talent for naming things imaginatively, the truth is actually the opposite.

 

This is actual recorded dialog at the times major discoveries here were made:

 

Look, theres an Octopus, it has blue rings on it what shall we call it?  How about The blue ringed octopus?..No worries.

 

Look, those mountains have got a bit of snow on them, what shall we call them?. How about The Snowy Mountains?  Beauty.

 

Look, this reef here  is like a bloody great barrier. What do you reckon we should call it? How about the Great Barrier Reef mate?..   Alright.

 

And so on and so on. Mount Disappointment, Mount Misery, The Red belly black snake, The great sandy desert......

Not to mention peoples names. Like calling everyone Bruce, or adding an 'e' (sometimes a 'y' or 'o' to names), such as Warnie, Kevvy, Davo. Stevo. Of course any red-headed bloke is automatically 'Bluey'.

[Gwiwer]

..... Fannie Bay

 

There's a sense of the bleedin' obvious about certain place names and others just leave you wondering

 

Eggs and Bacon Bay

Indented Head

Iron Knob

Humpty Doo

Burrumbuttock

Koolyanobbing

Upper Ferntree Gully

Mount Tom Price (if you dare )

and there's Dunedo which is "dunny-doo" and sounds like what it might rhyme with

 

Yes Australia has a sense of humour about as dry as most of the continent.

[monkeysarefun]

Without all this, Bill Bryson's book Down Under wouldn't have been quite so hilarious.

 

Speaking about Americans the ones  I've met who are visiting  here, (usually servicemen on secondment cos I work for the RAAF)  always seem to have a strange bemusement about the place.

 

Their main two issues are why we gave our guns up, and the second is when they find out that our snakes and crocodiles are protected so we can't just blow them away.

 

. If theres a snake in my backyard I call up WIRES and some snake bloke will turn up  ( though I won the lottery when the Lara Croft lookalike turned up to save me from the red belly black in my aviary)  put it into a pillow case and release it into the bush somewhere nearby.

 

When they find that out they can't believe that we don't just kill them, and assume its because we no longer have semi-automatics and are therefore helpless.

 

Kind of like this guy. He's pretty watchable for an American, has a TV show where he tries out dirty jobs and in one series he came down here. This episode has him  trying out the snake catching thing with brown snakes.He has the same "Why don't you just kill them?" attitude.

 

Edited September 15, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[allan downes]

My Misssus would just love Australia but would be dead within five minutes of arriving.

 

As much as she hates spiders she still feeds them outside in their own environment where I once caught her throwing bits of meat into a spiders web explaining that " Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I can't see them going hungry. Anyway, it might have babies " -  even if it might be the same spider that will find itself sucked into the Dyson if it decides to go walk about on the bedroom ceiling the same night. 

 

Spiders that have made the epic climb up the outside waste pipe and ended up in the bath ( WHY do they do that ? ) get the fire hose treatment and I also once caught her watering a snail that was drying up fast as it tried to cross our concrete drive in the middle of summer as she scolded it for being so stupid. 

 

Then there was the big, fluffy bumble bee lost and bewildered as it tried to navigate through the front room double glazed window as she tried to guide it towards an open top light. Naturally she held a one sided conversation with it " Now look here, bee. What difference is it that you don't  recognise between a closed window and an open one ? Now, shoo !"

 

Half dried up worms trying their luck in the mid summer heat also get the same sympathy and understanding and are gently prized up from the garden path, watered and directed to what might be the nearest worm hole - but not without first  benefiting from sympathetic conversation and motherly advice of course.

 

Then there's the mummy blackbird that thinks it owns our garden and nests in a certain bush every year without fail and, without fail, always bolxxxks the wife if she doesn't feed it on time. It's a daily  two way confrontation but only my wife would hold a heated conversation with a blackbird (And God only knows what kind of relationship she might try to strike up with a mummy Emu...)

 

And as for snakes ? Well, if she ever encountered a brown snake of course it would have to be dined on something far more substantial than just bits of old mince meat  but instead something chosen with care from Sainsbury's - but only providing of course that  it would invite her to stroke it and possibly knit a jumper for it as it does "Get rather cold at nights, even in Australia" Oh, and it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if she came into the room one day holding a red back saying "Look what I found down the toilet. Isn't it a pretty colour. Must give it a name. Bluey perhaps"

 

As I said. My wife wouldn't last more than five minutes after arriving in Australia.

 

Allan.

Edited September 15, 2017 by allan downes

[monkeysarefun]

Here's a website, on much the same lines. Watch it to the end.

 

25 logical reasons to vote NO!

 

http://25logicalreasonstovoteno.com/

 

 

But there IS a reason! I've posted this before trying to highlight the dangers, and I'll keep posting it until you watch it!

 

[monkeysarefun]

My Misssus would just love Australia but would be dead within five minutes of arriving.

 

As much as she hates spiders she still feeds them outside in their own environment where I once caught her throwing bits of meat into a spiders web explaining that " Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I can't see them going hungry. Anyway, it might have babies " -  even if it might be the same spider that will find itself sucked into the Dyson if it decides to go walk about on the bedroom ceiling the same night. 

 

Spiders that have made the epic climb up the outside waste pipe and ended up in the bath ( WHY do they do that ? ) get the fire hose treatment and I also once caught her watering a snail that was drying up fast as it tried to cross our concrete drive in the middle of summer as she scolded it for being so stupid. 

 

Then there was the big, fluffy bumble bee lost and bewildered as it tried to navigate through the front room double glazed window as she tried to guide it towards an open top light. Naturally she held a one sided conversation with it " Now look here, bee. What difference is it that you don't  recognise between a closed window and an open one ? Now, shoo !"

 

Half dried up worms trying their luck in the mid summer heat also get the same sympathy and understanding and are gently prized up from the garden path, watered and directed to what might be the nearest worm hole - but not without first  benefiting from sympathetic conversation and advice of course.

 

Then there's the mummy blackbird that thinks it owns our garden and nests in a certain bush every year without fail and, without fail, always bolxxxks the wife if she doesn't feed it on time. It's a daily  two way confrontation but only my wife would hold a heated conversation with a blackbird (And God only knows what kind of relationship she might try to strike up with a mummy Emu...)

 

And as for snakes ? Well, if she ever encountered a brown snake of course it would have to be dined on something far more substantial than just bits of old mince meat  but instead something chosen with care from Sainsbury's - but only providing of course that  it would invite her to stroke it.

 

As I said. My wife wouldn't last more than five minutes after arriving in Australia.

 

Allan.

 

The wildlife is surprisingly tameable so she'd not be lacking in queues of things waiting to be fed. My dad has whole fanilies of  birds - magpies, butcher birds, pee wees and willy wagtails that wait for him to go out to his back  verandah  with a bag of mince (just cheap coles mince so there would probably be heaps more if it was Mrs D with her fancy stuff!). He rolls it into tiny balls and tosses it into the air, its amazing to see the dexterity with which they all catch it.

 

I had a blue tongued lizard that I'd coax out from behind my shed with  chicken to the point that it would come when it saw me. And then there was this guy, who \just anounced himself by landing on my leg and now expects food four times a day.

 

Actually we play up the deadly stuff but we are kind of frauds because the dangerous stuff is usually quite shy and prety well keeps itself to itself mostly. In 53 years I've seen maybe 30 snakes. I've only ever seen one funnel web, though that one time was more than enough. I was down at my then in-laws lakeside house down near Nowra.

 

I'd just come out the water and was standing on the concrete pad under the house  drying myself off when I happenned to glance down at something about 4 inches from  my foot. I realised that it was a funnel web spider in that raised about to attack stance that they do. I jumped back and may have let off a girly scream because my father in law wandered out to see what the noise was. I told him about the funnel web which by then had scuttled off into the grass, but rather than being sympathetic he took it as some kind of criticism of his house.

Edited September 15, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[PhilJ W]

FYI spiders don't climb up the waste pipe and through the plughole, there's no way they can get through the U-bend. They get onto the bath rim and slip down the steep sides and are trapped. To remove them take the cardboard tube from a toilet roll, place a cloth over one end and the other end over the spider. The spider will want to hide in the tube so to release it remove the cloth and tap the tube and the spider will be gone.

[sp1]

FYI spiders don't climb up the waste pipe and through the plughole, there's no way they can get through the U-bend. They get onto the bath rim and slip down the steep sides and are trapped. To remove them take the cardboard tube from a toilet roll, place a cloth over one end and the other end over the spider. The spider will want to hide in the tube so to release it remove the cloth and tap the tube and the spider will be gone.

Or, alternatively, spray them with extra hold hairspray (don't know why I've got that as I've got less hair than Andy Y - but it has a modelling use when making trees!) - wait for them to set, then dispose.....

 

ps I hate spiders

[kevinlms]

But there IS a reason! I've posted this before trying to highlight the dangers, and I'll keep posting it until you watch it!

 

Yes, you did indeed post it before. The good old it will become compulsory argument. Or else 'the thin edge of the wedge'. There was a woman in the news who said that in 20 years time, we'll be voting for 14 year olds to be able to marry the 'love of their life', even if he is 30 years old.

[monkeysarefun]

FYI spiders don't climb up the waste pipe and through the plughole, there's no way they can get through the U-bend. They get onto the bath rim and slip down the steep sides and are trapped. To remove them take the cardboard tube from a toilet roll, place a cloth over one end and the other end over the spider. The spider will want to hide in the tube so to release it remove the cloth and tap the tube and the spider will be gone.

 

We have the same technique here, though we have to replace the toilet roll tube with a chinese food container or lettuce crisper:

 

But if you want some Huntsman spider wrangling tips  complete with weird moody  extra family member wearing satin pyjama shorts n the backgound then this was made for you..

 

Edited September 16, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[monkeysarefun]

Yes, you did indeed post it before. The good old it will become compulsory argument. Or else 'the thin edge of the wedge'. There was a woman in the news who said that in 20 years time, we'll be voting for 14 year olds to be able to marry the 'love of their life', even if he is 30 years old.

Hmm, maybe you missed the Comedy Central logo down there on the right hand side...

 

I didn't see the 'it will come compulsory' argument, rather the 'if gays marry they will release gay spores into the atmosphere which will infect straights and stop us from loving our spouses any more and we will all have to live in underground bunkers suppressing our sudden liking for the same sex whilst on the surface cute bikers maraud around Mad Max style' argument.

 

  I'm sure Tony Abbot will think that one up before the poll closes.,

Edited September 16, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[kevinlms]

Hmm, maybe you missed the Comedy Central logo down there on the right hand side...

 

I didn't see the 'it will come compulsory' argument, rather the 'if gays marry they will release gay spores into the atmosphere which will infect straights and stop us from loving our spouses any more and we will all have to live in underground bunkers suppressing our sudden liking for the same sex whilst on the surface cute bikers maraud around Mad Max style' argument.

 

  I'm sure Tony Abbot will think that one up before the poll closes.,

I think you've misunderstood me. I have indicated your first post of the song as 'Funny'.

 

I think that the concept is hilarious, that we're all going to 'become gay' and that such things will undermine straight marriage. People should recognise that if SSM becomes legal, it isn't compulsory!

[allan downes]

We have the same technique here, though we have to replace the toilet roll tube with a chinese food container or lettuce crisper:

 

But if you want some Huntsman spider wrangling tips  complete with weird moody  extra wearing satin pyjama shorts n the backgound then this was made for you..

 

 

I reckon he removed it's fangs before he did all that.

 

Works like that with lions too and, certain women.

 

Allan

[monkeysarefun]

I think you've misunderstood me. I have indicated your first post of the song as 'Funny'.

 

I think that the concept is hilarious, that we're all going to 'become gay' and that such things will undermine straight marriage. People should recognise that if SSM becomes legal, it isn't compulsory!

 

Oops, in that case  maybe I did! Apologies!

 

I'm still having issues with the actual vote - oops, sorry 'opinion survey'. They say that a majority of votes, sorry again - opinions - will decide either way if it then progresses to a vote in Parliament.

 

But they have left the term majority unclear. Is it a straight out count covering all the country, or is it like a normal election where its a majority on a seat by seat basis, or is it a majority like a referendum requires, where its a majority of states?

 

Its all very half ar5ed.

And the stupid thing is that even if the majority of Australians vote yes, including the majority of states, including the majority of voters in Tony Abbots seat, he can and will still vote no. So what has it achieved in any way apart from getting rid of that annoying extra $122 million we obviously had lying around..

Edited September 16, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[kevinlms]

Oops, in that case  maybe I did! Apologies!

 

I'm still having issues with the actual vote - oops, sorry 'opinion survey'. They say that a majority of votes, sorry again - opinions - will decide either way if it then progresses to a vote in Parliament.

 

But they have left the term majority unclear. Is it a straight out count covering all the country, or is it like a normal election where its a majority on a seat by seat basis, or is it a majority like a referendum requires, where its a majority of states?

 

Its all very half ar5ed.

And the stupid thing is that even if the majority of Australians vote yes, including the majority of states, including the majority of voters in Tony Abbots seat, he can and will still vote no. So what has it achieved in any way apart from getting rid of that annoying extra $122 million we obviously had lying around..

Agree 100%. Its all deliberately unclear. Remember the whole thing is a stalling tactic, nothing more nothing less. The ones who proposed the survey, don't want it to pass, so this was an attempt to hope that the public, would be too disinterested to bother.

Then there is an element, who have come out (sorry!) and suggested boycotting the whole thing.

[monkeysarefun]

Basically, I reckon this sums it all up..

 

[allan downes]

Apart from dodgy snakes and prancing spiders, I have to ask - what is 'Boogie Boarding' ?

 

I read of it in a Bill Bryson book once I think, or it could have been someplace else .Anyway, it was definitely something to do with Oz and, if so, an explanation is most definitely gonna be worthwhile ! ( and if Monkeysarefun hasn't heard of it, then nobody has. ) 

 

Allan.

[monkeysarefun]

Well thank you Allan for your inquiry.. It opens up a discussion about the surfing hierarchy down here.

 

At the very pinnacle are surfers. Bronzed gods who challenge the sea with only a thin piece of fibreglass. They tend to look like this:

 

 

I made them look fat because they are d*cks. Being locals they consider the beach is completely theirs, and any non locals are squeezed out and often get back to their cars to find "Westy go home" carved into it with a key or a rock. (If you live not near the beach then you live in the Western suburbs and are therefore  a source of scorn in the eyes of these fat surfers. .)

 

Another group is the kayakers who ride the waves. These are also looked down upon by the fat stupid surfer gods as  'goat boats:

 

 

Finally there are the boogie boarders, The fat stupid surfers who just sit on their boards waiting for the perfect  wave so then they can go all zen about it  call them 'Speed bumps"

 

Boogie boarders seem to have the most fun, which annoys the fat surfer gods and makes them sad. Basically they have like a little surfboard that you lie on and do fun stuff like this. 

 

(. Especially check out at the 1 minute 50 mark where all the fat surfers are being too fat and stupid and  just bobbing up and down waiting for the sharks to come and put them out of their misery while the boogie boarder does ballet in the foreground.)

 

 

I have a wind surfer that I use in flat water so I kind of avoid all this tribal surf angst.

Edited September 16, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[monkeysarefun]

Oh, and forget about prancing spiders, we have dancing spiders! The music is dated, but  only because 2017 is the 1970's in spider years.

 

Despite their gay flamboyance,  Peacock Spiders were only discovered a couple of years ago, just outside Sydney. Although only about 5mm in size, they probably still  want to kill me

 

Edited September 16, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[allan downes]

Well thank you Allan for your inquiry.. It opens up a discussion of the surfing hierarchy down here.

 

At the very pinnacle are surfers. Bronzed gods who challenge the sea with only a thin piece of fibreglass. They tend to look like this:

 

fat surfer.jpg

 

I made them look fat because they are d*cks. Being locals they consider the beach is completely theirs, and any non locals are squeezed out and often get back to their cars to find "Westy go home" carved into it with a key or a rock. (If you live not near the beach then you live in the Western suburbs and are therefore  a source of scorn in the eyes of these fat surfers. .)

 

Another group is the kayakers who ride the waves. These are also looked down upon by the fat stupid surfer gods as  'goat boats:

 

goatboat.jpg

 

Finally there are the boogie boarders, The fat stupid surfers who just sit on their boards waiting for the perfect  wave so then they can go all zen about it later call them 'Speed bumps" Basically they have like a little surfboard that you lie on and do fun stuff like this.  They seem to have the most fun, which annoys the fat surfer gods.

 

(. Especially check out at the 2 minute mark where all the fat surfers are just bobbing up and down waiting for the sharks to get them - which is too good for them by the way - while the boogie boarder does ballet in the foreground.)

 

 

I have a wind surfer that I use in flat water so I kind of avoid all this tribal surf angst.

I have a rubber inner tube ( slow puncture so crossing the Channel is out of the question ) and a paddle that avoids it even more.

 

Allan.

[allan downes]

...but we do have our own hero's - my brother for example who when he was about 12, built a raft out of old orange crates and tea chests, stuck a sail on it ( our mother's petticoat which he nicked off the line and I got a right walloping for letting him do so ! ) then launched it into the Thames and plotted a course towards a weir where the raft upturned as he got sucked under the weir and was washed underwater down stream, then resurfaced some 300 yds down further where he was hooked out by a Vicar who was walking his dog.

 

The papers got hold of it saying something like " Boy saved from drowning by hand of God " to which my bro explained to the press when interviewed for a fuller account said " God had nothing to do with it, it was all just down to a crap raft and good luck "

 

He got a right walloping too. Our mum was a good walloper. Had to be.

 

Allan.

 

.

Edited September 16, 2017 by allan downes

[monkeysarefun]

...but we do have our own hero's - my brother for example who when he was about 12, built a raft out of old orange crates and tea chests, stuck a sail on it ( our mother's petticoat which he nicked off the line and I got a right walloping for letting him do so ! ) then launched it into the Thames and plotted a course towards a weir where the raft upturned as he got sucked under the weir and was washed underwater down stream, then resurfaced some 300 yds down further where he was hooked out by a Vicar who was walking his dog.

 

The papers got hold of it saying something like " Boy saved from drowning by hand of God " to which my bro explained to the press when interviewed for a fuller account said " God had nothing to do with it, it was all just down to a crap raft and good luck "

 

He got a right walloping too. Our mum was a good walloper. Had to be.

 

Allan.

 

.

 

These days if you are 12  you can just nag your parents into  getting you  the xbox game that lets you do all that from the comfort of your bean bag and big telly until you  get all fat and then do your gap year in Sydney as a fat surfer god. Which actually means in the case of brit back packers, you don't need to surf you just hang around the Coogee Bay Hotel dropping your dacks and yelling out "Checkitoutdarlin!!

Edited September 16, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[allan downes]

These days if you are 12  you can just nag your parents into  getting you  the xbox game that lets you do all that from the comfort of your bean bag and big telly until you  get all fat and then do your gap year in Sydney as a fat surfer god. Which actually means in the case of brit back packers, you don't need to surf you just hang around the Coogee Bay Hotel dropping your dacks and yelling out "Checkitoutdarlin!!

Yeah, know what you mean, Monkeysarefun. Don't travel much these days so do it outside Tesco's while the wife's inside shopping.

 

Allan.

[monkeysarefun]

Yeah, know what you mean, Monkeysarefun. Don't travel much these days so do it outside Tesco's while the wife's inside shopping.

 

Allan.

 

 

In the same way that you didn;t know about boogie boards, I don't know what a Tescos is!  Is it a good thing?

Edited September 16, 2017 by monkeysarefun