bluebottle Posted November 29, 2016 Share Posted November 29, 2016 Talking to somebody about schools today. He told me his school was so rough even the rats carried flick knives :) Well it tickled my sense of humour anyway. Dave When I were a lad, I used to represent my school in track and cross-country races against another South Yorks school - which I won't name - which had a reputation for hardness. It seemed appropriate that their colours were black and blue ... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted November 29, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 29, 2016 A young lawyer died and was brought to heaven. Upon arriving the lawyer started protesting that it’s way too early for him to die. For he was only 32 years old, and there must be some mistake. The listening angel agreed that perhaps it was a mistake and agreed to look into it. After a few minutes the angel came back and said: “I’m sorry sir but I am afraid there is no mistake.” “We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96.” 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 30, 2016 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 30, 2016 Lawyers go to heaven!!!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Storey Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Lawyers go to heaven!!!! Yep. It's in the contract. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 As we are in December Why does Santa have three gardens ? So he can hoe hoe hoe ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted December 1, 2016 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted December 1, 2016 Groan Groan Groan 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernard Lamb Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Lawyers go to heaven!!!!I have probably posted this before, so if you have seen it my apologies. What do you call three Edinburgh lawyers on the bottom of the North Sea? A start. Bernard 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted December 1, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 1, 2016 The depot manager said to the driver "You are the worst driver we've got, how many derailments have you had so far this year?" The driver replied "I don't know, I keep losing track" Sorry.... Andi 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merc435 Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 I went to my Premature Ejacuation support group meeting this morning. Turns out that the meeting is tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
sir douglas Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 a friend's wife is getting lonely and says to him that he doesnt love her anymore and she wants a 'climax' so he bought her one Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ikks Posted December 2, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 2, 2016 Don't know about the lady's needs but that is just drop dead gorgeous. Rgds...Mike a friend's wife is getting lonely and says to him that he doesnt love her anymore and she wants a 'climax' so he bought her one 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Don't know about the lady's needs but that is just drop dead gorgeous. Rgds...Mike Whatever turns you on ... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian Smeeton Posted December 2, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 2, 2016 a friend's wife is getting lonely and says to him that he doesnt love her anymore and she wants a 'climax' so he bought her one Don't know about the lady's needs but that is just drop dead gorgeous. Rgds...Mike Whatever turns you on ... I thought that this was the jokes thread, not the Porn one. Phhhooaaarrrr Best Regards Ian Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Storey Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Don't know about the lady's needs but that is just drop dead gorgeous. Rgds...Mike She's got a lovely pair. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointstaken Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I could shove my piston in one of her cylinders any time. Dennis Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Budgie Posted December 2, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 2, 2016 Good thing she doesn't live in Coventry. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coventry_Climax Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted December 2, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 2, 2016 I could shove my piston in one of her cylinders any time. Dennis We need a 'mock shocked' smiley... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 a friend's wife is getting lonely and says to him that he doesnt love her anymore and she wants a 'climax' so he bought her one Is that anything to do with "Fifty Grades of Shay" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
sir douglas Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 (edited) your replies are much more funny than my joke thanks Edited December 3, 2016 by sir douglas 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted December 3, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 3, 2016 Three men in the jungle get caught by cannibals.They ask the first one where he's from. Glasgow, Scotland, he answers. The old chief says to put him in the pot.They ask the 2nd one where he's from. London, England, he answers. The old chief says to put him in the pot.Its the Irishman's turn. He answers Dublin, Ireland. The old chief decides to let him go. The young chief in training asks why the Irishman was let go.The chief says, last time we had an Irishman, he ate all the potatoes. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merc435 Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 When I was a lad, you could go down to the corner shop with a £1 in your pocket, get 2 cokes, a packet of crisps and two mars bars. Nowadays, flippin CCTV everywhere..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ikks Posted December 7, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 7, 2016 Subject: The Rabbit. A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie? The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves. The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves. The next night, the pub is packed. In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.' The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman, The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...' The rabbit looks aghast. The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.' The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent. The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie. He then waves to the crowd and leaves.... NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!! ----- One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, 'Who are you?', To which he is answered, 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.' The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.' The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.' The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.' The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it. The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?' 'I DIED', said the rabbit. 'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?' After a short pause, the rabbit said... 'Mixin-me-toasties.' I knew you’d love it!! I only send you the best ones. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merc435 Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 Groan....... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 8, 2016 Share Posted December 8, 2016 whats the best christmas present to give ? a broken drum you just cant beat it ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold chris p bacon Posted December 8, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2016 Boom......Bo.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now