RMweb Gold Stubby47 Posted October 27, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 27, 2017 I had a little accident in SWMBO's car almost three years ago and was too embarrassed to tell her. It's ok though, he's now 2 and living with his mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewC Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 (edited) I see Wikipedia lists fifty Colin Campbells, only one of whom is a fictional character. Admittedly there are rather more John Smiths - I didn't stop to count them - but I doubt there are many other such numerous names. I knew 4 Colin Campbells. Father, son, grandson, great-grandson. The great-grandson is actually Colin Campbell VII. Edited October 27, 2017 by AndrewC 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamiel Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 (edited) Shopping in TK Maxx - sorting the wheat from the chav. Edited October 27, 2017 by Jamiel 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted October 27, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 27, 2017 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBNxbbix1qk A few steps backwards would solve a few problems. Mike. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 A man and his wife check into a hotel in Chigago. The hotel is unfortunately placed very close to the famous Chicago "L" (Think Blues Brothers here) The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!" The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted October 27, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 27, 2017 Today the internet went down. I decided to talk to the wife. She seems like a nice person. I haven't spoken to the wife for five years or more, I can't get a word in. Mike. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortliner Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Without doubt there are those amongst us who like to live dangerously close to the edge! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Without doubt there are those amongst us who like to live dangerously close to the edge! Or they know SWMBO doesn't read RMweb... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium ColinK Posted October 27, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 27, 2017 I've had an offal day. Today I've been driving buses round Lancaster. The place has been gridlocked since lunchtime, struggling to keep on time and run every journey, really offal. Just home and heard on the news, traffic was going through Lancaster as two lanes of the M6 were closed due to a meat lorry overturning and spreading offal all over motorway. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I've had an offal day. Today I've been driving buses round Lancaster. The place has been gridlocked since lunchtime, struggling to keep on time and run every journey, really offal. Just home and heard on the news, traffic was going through Lancaster as two lanes of the M6 were closed due to a meat lorry overturning and spreading offal all over motorway. You must be gutted. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Or they know SWMBO doesn't read RMweb... Or maybe she does. lol. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 G'Day All Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Lesson! . . Never light a F4rt while flying a jet! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted October 29, 2017 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted October 29, 2017 From Facebook 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernard Lamb Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 You must be gutted. I thought it was a load of tripe. Bernard Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamiel Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) 'These things are sent to try us.'Judges! I know this next one is cruel, but then I had to watch the film 'Hocus Pocus' with my six year old, so they deserve it. Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.The barman says 'Hey, why the long face?' Edited October 31, 2017 by Jamiel 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacol Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?”“Eight”, the boy replied.The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.""Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin."Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 3, 2017 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 3, 2017 3.5 billion women can't be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Stubby47 Posted November 3, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 3, 2017 3.5 billion women can't be wrong. 1 woman can't be wrong (ever), if you're married to her... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 The lady next door is LIVID. Someone has pinched her pants of the washing line. She is not upset at losing her knickers ----------------- --------------------- ---------------------- ---------------------- She wants the twelve pegs back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 The lady next door is LIVID. Someone has pinched her pants of the washing line. She is not upset at losing her knickers ----------------- --------------------- ---------------------- ---------------------- She wants the twelve pegs back. More-or-less a repeat of Post#5802, about 3 pages back. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 I was watching my neighbour, the other day,out of the top bedroom window.He keeps knocking on his own front door, then goes round the back and into the house to answer it. I don't think he realises, what he's letting himself in for? — feeling concerned... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 3, 2017 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 3, 2017 GROAN Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Patrick Posted November 5, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 5, 2017 I was driving home through heavy traffic the other day and my mind began to wander, so I didn't notice the red light up ahead until the last moment and ended up rear-ending the car in front of me. A man of particularly short stature got out, marched over with a face like thunder, and knocked on my window. "I'M NOT HAPPY!!!" he yelled. "Oh, right," I replied. "Well, which one are you?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacol Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Integrity! An older golfer was chipping his ball from near a water hazard and his club fell into the water. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The golfer replied that his club had fallen into water, and he needed the club to win the tournament to supplement his meagre pension. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked. The golfer replied, "No.” The Lord again went down and came up with a silver club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked. Again, the golfer replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked. The golfer replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the golfer's honesty and gave him all three clubs to keep, and the golfer went home happy. Sometime later the golfer was walking with his wife along the water hazard, and she fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my woman has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Kate Upton. "Is this your woman?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the golfer. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The golfer replied, "Oh, forgive me Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Kate Upton, You would have come up with Jennifer Anniston. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my woman. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. And Lord, I am an old man not able to take care of all three women in a way that they deserve, that's why I said yes to Kate Upton." And God was pleased. The moral of this story is: If a golfer ever tells a lie, it is for a good and honorable reason, and only out of consideration for others! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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