Steamport Southport Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post leopardml2341 Posted September 20, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted September 20, 2020 I went to the doctor's with hearing problems. He said “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said “Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair.” 2 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted September 20, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 20, 2020 7 hours ago, CameronL said: Mary had a little lamb It tumbled down a hole But Mary says she loves it still ('Cos she loves casserole). Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor doggy a bone, but when she bent over, old Rover ran over and gave her a bone of his own. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water Jill came down with half a crown... but not for fetching water! 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binky Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 When Mary had a little lamb the midwife was surprised. But when Old MacDonald had a farm she couldn't believe her eyes! 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simontaylor484 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 My Grandad knew a version of jack.and Jill that was similar to Johnsters involving the earning of half a crown for shall we say services rendered. He told me and my brother it several times but neither of us can remember it. He told us a tale of a play he saw in Pompey during the war that the actor proclaimed "What shall we do with the body" to be met with cries of " f@£# it while it's still warm" My Gran would have killed him if she knew what he was teaching us but by hell was he funny 2 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium BR60103 Posted September 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 21, 2020 14 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: I'm pretty sure there has been more than one Heavy Metal bands doing Disney albums or songs. The problem is getting the rights to do it. Disney are a bit funny about who they let use their characters and songs. This was done by a member of Nightwish and a few friends. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Music_Inspired_by_the_Life_and_Times_of_Scrooge Well, I do have the book. (Vol1, couldn't find Vol2) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license... and all just because of a stupid police officer... The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car: Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!" Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything." Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?" Me: "A car." Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?" Me:"I have no idea!" Officer:"So, you're drunk." Me:"But I didn't drink anything." Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it? Me:"A motorcycle." Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?" Me:"I have no idea!" Officer:"As I suspected, you're drunk!" Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question. Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?" Officer:"A prostitute of course." Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?" Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend... 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 3 1 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewC Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 19 hours ago, CameronL said: Start the Pick of the Pops music playing. Here's the Top Ten Albums You Will Never See on Spotify - 10. Iron Maiden Sing The Songs of Walt Disney 9. Together At Last - Cliff Richard And Marilyn Manson 8 Bangin' Ibiza Party Anthems - Morrissey 7. 20 Great Prog Rock Classics - Chas and Dave 6. Life Is All Hugs and Puppies - Slayer 5. Mutha****** Carols From Kings - The Choir of Kings College, Cambridge, featuring Snoop Dogg 4. The Best Irish Jigs and Reels - Pink Floyd 3. Never Mind the B*ll*cks, Here's the Osmonds 2. The Glory of Eurovision 1. Kraftwerk Unplugged Any more just lurking outside the Top Ten? Actually number 1 sort of exists. Tangerine Dream did an album of strange covers a few years ago. One track was an acoustic version of Kraftwerk's The Model. The irony was lost on many people as they are both electronic bands. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Getting back to Drummers, Carl Palmer must be wondering what he did right, Keith Moon, John Bonham and Cozy Powell all died relatively young, and tended to be the first member of the band to die, Carl Palmer has seem the rest of ELP pass away and is still going strong! Jim 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Nick C Posted September 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 21, 2020 3 hours ago, peanuts said: I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license... and all just because of a stupid police officer... The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car: Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!" Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything." Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?" Me: "A car." Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?" Me:"I have no idea!" Officer:"So, you're drunk." Me:"But I didn't drink anything." Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it? Me:"A motorcycle." Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?" Me:"I have no idea!" Officer:"As I suspected, you're drunk!" Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question. Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?" Officer:"A prostitute of course." Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?" Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend... This one is real and just as stupid: https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/100mph-pursuit-humber-bridge-roadrunner-4532115 Quote And to make matters worse, the driver protested to officers "how was I supposed to know the police had an unmarked S3?” 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 31 minutes ago, Nick C said: This one is real and just as stupid: https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/100mph-pursuit-humber-bridge-roadrunner-4532115 Oh, a BMW driver!! What a surprise!! 6 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mountain Goat Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 On 19/09/2020 at 16:29, The Johnster said: They have an odd perception of traffic problems and civil disobedience though, Dyfed Powys once describing a lack of parking in Tenby on as 'total gridlock'; there was a queue of about 40 cars waiting for space in the multi-story. Tenby is not too far away from here, and as a treat I will drive down there maybe once a year or twice a year. After the lockdown eased I wanted to go there so I took my Mum and we went. I tried car park after car park. They had converted them all to card only! I had to abandon the Tenby idea and I doubt I will be able to go there again, as where is my right to privacy? I should decide if I pay by card or cash. Not everyone has a bank card. So I was thinking that the queue could not be that the car park was full, but prehaps they changed to card payment only and some poor driver is stuck at the barrier? I drove on from place to place and found Manorbier which has a car park I could put my money in. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted September 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 21, 2020 Might I recommend a little further from Manorbier, a fine spot in itself, to Stackpole Lily Ponds; brilliant walks, stunning coastal scenery, and a pub with superb food, the Stack Pole in Stackpole village, to end the day. Tenby is ok on midweek midwinter afternoon to bimble around the shops and the harbour, far too crowded otherwise! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 7 hours ago, AndrewC said: Actually number 1 sort of exists. Tangerine Dream did an album of strange covers a few years ago. One track was an acoustic version of Kraftwerk's The Model. The irony was lost on many people as they are both electronic bands. I did think that Coldplay might be included with a cover of an old Paul McCartney and Wings album, retitled "Bland on the Run", but that's too close to the truth. 3 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 Mark Knopfler and Chris Rea are doing a supergroup project. It's going to be called Dire Rea.... 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium ColinK Posted September 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 21, 2020 That’s really made me smile on a difficult day. Thanks. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold TheSignalEngineer Posted September 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 21, 2020 On 16/09/2020 at 22:23, CameronL said: No, I just think we're compiling a list of names that didn't make Collett's shortlist for his 4900 (Hall) class locos. "Bog Hall", "Nothingatt Hall" and "Iwantit Hall" also didn't make the final cut. When I lived in Crewe a long time ago there was a bit we called the Four 'Alls. There was the Town Hall, the Market Hall, the Cheese Hall pub and opposite there was a space where you could chat up ladies of dubious repute. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osgood Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was bad she was very very good, but when she was good she was horrid. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold TheSignalEngineer Posted September 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 21, 2020 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 38 minutes ago, TheSignalEngineer said: Didn't think robots could catch COVID-19.... 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold TheSignalEngineer Posted September 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 21, 2020 10 hours ago, Nick C said: This one is real and just as stupid: https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/100mph-pursuit-humber-bridge-roadrunner-4532115 10 hours ago, Nick C said: Quote And to make matters worse, the driver protested to officers "how was I supposed to know the police had an unmarked S3?” A similar incident recently between New Mills and Hayfield. A lad on a motorcycle pulled a wheelie when overtaking a car which was sticking rigidly to the 30mph limit. The driver was the sergeant from the county Road Policing Unit in an unmarked traffic car. In another incident on the Snake Pass a driver who was pulled by the unmarked traffic car for overtaking it at 80mph in a 50mph area said he didn't think their radar worked for cars going away from it. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted September 21, 2020 Share Posted September 21, 2020 1 hour ago, luckymucklebackit said: Didn't think robots could catch COVID-19.... Thats what happens in the Westworld! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted September 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 21, 2020 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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