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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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 The other is the chap with bad stomach cramps, who it transpired, had a  roll of banknotes stuck where the sun doesn’t shine. When the doctor pulled it free some coins dropped out as well. When counted it totalled £1978.42p; there you go Doc’ said the chap, I told you I wasn’t feeling too grand!

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The best examples of graffiti I've seen written in the dirt on the back of white vans:-

 

"I wish my wife was this dirty" - underneath in different writing - "She is!"

 

My all-time favourite - 

"Danger - Prat in Transit"

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1 hour ago, RJS1977 said:

A school once had a sign outside it:

 

"DRIVE CAREFULLY PAST SCHOOLS. DON'T KILL A CHILD"

 

Underneath, in a childish scrawl:

 

"Wait for a teecher"

 

 

......   such a disappointing attitude.....   all tEEchers love the children they teach, but most of us couldn't manage to eat a whole one.     🤣 

 

 

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6 hours ago, jcredfer said:

 

......   such a disappointing attitude.....   all tEEchers love the children they teach, but most of us couldn't manage to eat a whole one.     🤣 

 

 

 

You can always put what you can't manage in the freezer...  😃

 

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13 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

The best examples of graffiti I've seen written in the dirt on the back of white vans:-

 

"I wish my wife was this dirty" - underneath in different writing - "She is!"

 

My all-time favourite - 

"Danger - Prat in Transit"

My two favourites scrawled in the dirt on the back of a transit van

 

How am I driving - Call 999

 

No hand signals I'm eating a pasty

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20 hours ago, jcredfer said:

 ...snip... but most of us couldn't manage to eat a whole one.

That reminded me of a bumper sticker:

 

             I LOVE CATS

                I JUST CAN'T EAT

                  A WHOLE ONE

Edited by J. S. Bach
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8 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

A variation on that one - 

"Well driven? Call 999 - it must be stolen!"


Can I say I’ve actually had that happen to me? Many (many!) years ago, as a 20-year old on holiday in Ontario from Scotland, I was driving a car with several cousins and their friends as passengers. ‘Wrong’ side of the road, big car, different street ‘furniture’ etc. - it required care and concentration. An Ontario Provincial Police officer pulled me over, did a document check and a basic safety check on the car. When it was finished (everything was OK), I asked why he had stopped me - a genuine question, I wanted to know if I had done something wrong. He said “A car full of teenagers, being driven that carefully - I reckoned something must be wrong.”

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50 minutes ago, Nick C said:

That appears to be a real wine too, not a photoshop - a Sicilian Syrah...

 

A girl in exercise gear, a bottle of wine, labelled "Yoga", claims suggested that it's the wine that relieves the stress better than the exercise version {and...   All on RM Web}.....   and you checked the label.....

 

.....   Oh ye of little faith!!    😂 

 

 

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10 hours ago, jcredfer said:

 

A girl in exercise gear, a bottle of wine, labelled "Yoga", claims suggested that it's the wine that relieves the stress better than the exercise version {and...   All on RM Web}.....   and you checked the label.....

 

.....   Oh ye of little faith!!    😂 

 

 

 

It's a variant of rivet counting 😍

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